Congrats on 2 years! I'm so sorry about your mum. It makes sense that that could lead to some health anxiety about people in your life.

I also don't crave alcohol or anything like that, but it has been interesting how sometimes it feels like I'm having an emotional growth spurt or something, after a decade of deadening my emotions with booze.

Thank you so much for your replies. Everything you say has made sense. Today 22nd September is actually my birthday and I went out to lunch with my husband, step-father and daughter. We talked a lot about Mum and actually all laughed when I mentioned that this would be the very first year for as long as I can remember that Mum would not be phoning me at precisely 15.30pm to remind me of the pain of childbirth.......it was a sort of standing joke between us. Golly, I missed that call today!!!! Anyway, we did have a wonderful relationship and I have that to cherish forever. I obviously knew she would go one day but it was such a horrible way to go. I also am trying to keep my emotions to myself to be strong for my step-father who, although only 4 years older than me, was actually married to Mum for over 40 years. So, he is like a lost soul at the moment. He has always been more like a brother to me and I love him very much. I get scared that I could press that F it button if I don't get my emotions sorted out. I think Mum would come back and haunt me if I ever picked up again!!! It is true, getting sober is not the panacea for all life's problems and on the other hand alcohol doesn't solve anything. I am not usually this wingey....trouble is all my family depend on me to be strong so I am very adept at hiding all this anguish I have expressed here. They would all be shocked to know how I was really feeling which is why I must actively seek some professional assistance I.e. from somebody completely independent. Thanks again for taking the trouble to answer me. Surprised nobody has just said "get a grip for goodness sake"!!!!

Happy Birthday Julie - glad it was a good day :)
Hope your step dad will find his way again too :)

D

Thank you Dee. Much appreciated.

Hi Julie, I'm approaching 2 years. I feel better than I even did while drinking and don't really miss it at all. I think I have grown as a person and have been a better spouse and father. I'm far more emotionally aware and switched on to the needs of others.

You mention others health.. my wife was just diagnosed with cancer and while it is stressful and scary, I would much rather be facing it with her sober and not out my mind and/or hungover.

In short, I wouldn't change anything. Drinking solves nothing and makes everything worse.

I hope you find some peace from your pre-occupation and congratulations on the sober time.

grats on 2!

Congrats on your 2 years sober time.

That is quite an accomplishment.

You may or may not need help with your newfound health anxieties.

But it sure wouldn't hurt to go to a qualified doctor to get a professional opinion.

I certainly needed to get some psyche help, and it gave me relief from my chronic GAD and depression.

I would strongly recommend that you get a really good sponsor and start working the 12 steps.

That's where I developed true peace of mind, acceptance and the manifestation of the Promises in my life.

It doesn't cost a thing, just some work with materials, which, under the tutelage of a sponsor, will help you do so.

I'm glad to see that you still go to AA. I have been going to AA meetings for a fairly long time and I don't plan to stop.

My wife and I lost all of our parents in 2012-2013, so I can tell you from personal experience that grief can be tough.

Glad you're here.

I hope you keep us posted.

I really have considered doing the steps for a long time. We did 1 to 3 in rehab. The "suggestion/rule" that women should sponsor women has impeded this. In my AA groups there are many more men than women and I feel less drawn to the women. There is not one that I would wish to ask. I do not think I would be any sort of threat to a man - I am really happily married with a 25 year old daughter and we have been together for 36 years.

Your call on that.

Keep us posted on your progress, both with respect to recovery and your other possible mental health issues.

Many of us are kind of "mixed bags" when it comes to mental health matters, so we just play the hand that has been dealt to us.