Just coming up to 2 years sober
 

I have not posted for a long time but would like to hear from all those like me I.e.sober for 2 years? How do you feel? I have no desire to drink at all but have developed a preoccupation of worrying about people's health. Really weird. I lost my Mum to pancreatic cancer last year which probably has got something to do with it. I worry incessantly about everybody's health now especially my daughter who is only 25 and my husband.

Congratulations on 2 years Julie :)
I'm sorry for the loss of your mum - I'm not a therapist but maybe that's the catalyst here rather than a recovery issue?

Have you thought about talking about it with a professional?

D

I have shared ad nauseam with my AA group. I worry about them too. I keep worrying about people having things that they don't yet know they've got. It's quite irrational really and I know that. Maddening actually because life is pretty wonderful otherwise.

grief and loss is one of those life changing events.

Friends and lay people are good - but sometimes speaking with a professional counsellor or therapist can help.

Just a suggestion.
Hope you make your way through however you do it, Julie :)

D

Thanks. I think you have given wise advice. I will look into it.

Congratulations on 2 years of recovery.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. It sounds as if you are having trouble coming to terms with the loss. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has written two excellent books on the subject "On Death and Dying" and "On Grief and Grieving". Maybe these could be helpful to you.

Two years sober is great! :) I was already seeing a counselor when my mom died, five years ago, and it was good to be able to open up to her about how I was dealing with mom's death.

I hope you can find a way of dealing with your worries. :hug:

Thanks Everyone who took time to post. I will take your advice and hopefully be able to move on. I feel guilty too you see as I didn't believe Mum was ill for ages. She became something of a hypochondriac at about 60 and it ended up being a case of cry wolf. Anyway, I miss her terribly but I am still sober. She was so proud when I got to one year. Thanks again and good luck to you all.

Congrats, 2y is great. At that stage- my emotions truly started to 'wake up'.

Do you know I think you are right? It is quite recently really that I have been experiencing a lot of emotions about lots of things. AA - which I have attended twice a week since leaving rehab 2 years ago - would probably view me as a dry drunk. I have not done the 'steps'. I don't want or crave alcohol but I do not seem to have attained the spiritual peace with myself that many AA people seem to have. All I seem to think/worry about is other people's health. Not my own at all. I am so grateful to be sober so why am I not happy?

Dont pull a meatball. Get drunk, visit your favorite neighbor, and make them hate you.

Sounds like you are drunk. I feel so sorry for you.

Actually, I am not going to post anymore. I got some good advice but that last 'message' from 'meatball' was horrible. Thank you to everyone else though - I am not inclined to drink. I have worked too hard on this. I just need to pay more attention to my emotions now.

Julie,
I believe Meatball was referring to an incident which happened to him when he drank again after a stretch of sobriety. The way it is phrased is easy to misinterpret, but I think he meant to say, “Don’t do what I did”.

I agree with Phoenix in the sense that, a bit over 2 years in, I continue to process emotional responses and develop new and improved ways to cope. Incessant worry as you describe must be exhausting, and your “dry drunk” comments may have merit. I’m not an AA’er, but I am a firm believer that I could not just be “bora minus booze”. Drinking was a coping mechanism for life, good and bad, for so long that it was mandatory that I find other ways to deal with things.

Pancreatic cancer is awful. I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Please do continue to post if you feel it will benefit you. I am also an infrequent poster but gain a bunch from the fellowship here.
-best wishes,
bora

Reread the message from Meatball. Yes, different meaning now since your post Bora so I really apologise for being so stupid. Talk about being super-sensitive!!!! Anyway, I do realise I am somewhat emotional at present but I honestly understand and at last accept that alcohol will not help. I always used it for everything...good, bad, happy, sad, you name it. I think I am grieving for Mum who I miss terribly. I am going to seek some professional help as AA meetings etc are not enough right now. My family are so wonderfully supportive but none are alcoholics. Nobody understands a drunk like another drunk but getting past the grief over Mum is probably more than just staying off the booze. Anyway, thanks for even bothering to post to me. I really appreciate it.

Julie- AA is for support with booze, not to get advice from well meaning people about non booze stuff. While there are very cluey people in meetings, there are also some walking disasters when it comes to handing out free advice on life. Good to see you posting again, and I get it about the message too. So maybe we are all over sensitive. Bound to happen when suppressed emotions find their way to the surface. I get teary at happy families in supermarket ads.

And you are right Bora. Pancreatic Cancer truly is a horrible death. It was absolutely awful for Mum. At the end I wanted her to die to put an end to her suffering. Feel bloody guilty about that too.

Julie,
My MIL also died of pancreatic cancer. It was terrible for my ex and his siblings. I think Phoenix is spot on (again!). Drinking is such a monumental problem in our lives we tend to think that if we just kick that, everything else will get better. And everything does get better, but that’s not to say that life doesn’t throw us curveballs where we need additional support just like the non-drinkers among us. Your plan for professional help sounds like a good one.

I hate it that you feels so much guilt associated with your mom’s passing. Mother/daughter relationships can be very difficult with lots of baggage and history. I think it is very natural to regret all of the things we don’t have the chance to say or make right, but I try to remember that relationships are built over a lifetime, and love is communicated over that time even if the final months and moments were not quite what we would have wished.

Congrats on two years! Every day of sobriety makes you stronger, more ready, and more capable of dealing with this pain and coming out the other side a better person. Don’t lose site of that accomplishment.
-bora

To me, this is true love. I’ve been in this spot, and the willingness to let someone go is a gift you give them. Nothing to feel guilty about, IMO.
-bora

Congrats on 2 years! I'm so sorry about your mum. It makes sense that that could lead to some health anxiety about people in your life.

I also don't crave alcohol or anything like that, but it has been interesting how sometimes it feels like I'm having an emotional growth spurt or something, after a decade of deadening my emotions with booze.

Thank you so much for your replies. Everything you say has made sense. Today 22nd September is actually my birthday and I went out to lunch with my husband, step-father and daughter. We talked a lot about Mum and actually all laughed when I mentioned that this would be the very first year for as long as I can remember that Mum would not be phoning me at precisely 15.30pm to remind me of the pain of childbirth.......it was a sort of standing joke between us. Golly, I missed that call today!!!! Anyway, we did have a wonderful relationship and I have that to cherish forever. I obviously knew she would go one day but it was such a horrible way to go. I also am trying to keep my emotions to myself to be strong for my step-father who, although only 4 years older than me, was actually married to Mum for over 40 years. So, he is like a lost soul at the moment. He has always been more like a brother to me and I love him very much. I get scared that I could press that F it button if I don't get my emotions sorted out. I think Mum would come back and haunt me if I ever picked up again!!! It is true, getting sober is not the panacea for all life's problems and on the other hand alcohol doesn't solve anything. I am not usually this wingey....trouble is all my family depend on me to be strong so I am very adept at hiding all this anguish I have expressed here. They would all be shocked to know how I was really feeling which is why I must actively seek some professional assistance I.e. from somebody completely independent. Thanks again for taking the trouble to answer me. Surprised nobody has just said "get a grip for goodness sake"!!!!

Happy Birthday Julie - glad it was a good day :)
Hope your step dad will find his way again too :)

D

Thank you Dee. Much appreciated.

Hi Julie, I'm approaching 2 years. I feel better than I even did while drinking and don't really miss it at all. I think I have grown as a person and have been a better spouse and father. I'm far more emotionally aware and switched on to the needs of others.

You mention others health.. my wife was just diagnosed with cancer and while it is stressful and scary, I would much rather be facing it with her sober and not out my mind and/or hungover.

In short, I wouldn't change anything. Drinking solves nothing and makes everything worse.

I hope you find some peace from your pre-occupation and congratulations on the sober time.

grats on 2!

Congrats on your 2 years sober time.

That is quite an accomplishment.

You may or may not need help with your newfound health anxieties.

But it sure wouldn't hurt to go to a qualified doctor to get a professional opinion.

I certainly needed to get some psyche help, and it gave me relief from my chronic GAD and depression.

I would strongly recommend that you get a really good sponsor and start working the 12 steps.

That's where I developed true peace of mind, acceptance and the manifestation of the Promises in my life.

It doesn't cost a thing, just some work with materials, which, under the tutelage of a sponsor, will help you do so.

I'm glad to see that you still go to AA. I have been going to AA meetings for a fairly long time and I don't plan to stop.

My wife and I lost all of our parents in 2012-2013, so I can tell you from personal experience that grief can be tough.

Glad you're here.

I hope you keep us posted.

I really have considered doing the steps for a long time. We did 1 to 3 in rehab. The "suggestion/rule" that women should sponsor women has impeded this. In my AA groups there are many more men than women and I feel less drawn to the women. There is not one that I would wish to ask. I do not think I would be any sort of threat to a man - I am really happily married with a 25 year old daughter and we have been together for 36 years.

Your call on that.

Keep us posted on your progress, both with respect to recovery and your other possible mental health issues.

Many of us are kind of "mixed bags" when it comes to mental health matters, so we just play the hand that has been dealt to us.