Struggling
 

I haven't posted the last few days because even though I now have 2 years clean I have been struggling really bad. I know I have to try to avoid the HALT (being hungry, angry, lonely and tired) and I have been trying.

I think I am having a hard time adjusting to my new baby. I love him but 2 kids who have 2 different schedules is very hard. I have been getting 1 or 2 hours of sleep a day for the past 3 weeks now. Maybe that's why I'm struggling. My husband also relapsed so that has been even harder to stay clean

I'm sorry I just had to vent because I feel if I talk about it I have less changes of acting on it!

please do not drink! you have two children, one a newborn/infant and they need you sober. their other parent has already checked out. they cannot fend for themselves.

i'm sorry about the sleep. it will get better. do you have any other friends or family that can help out, give you a spell?

and good job posting HERE. parenting ain't for wussies.

i remember one night i went to heat up a bottle, and thought while i waited for the water to boil, with the bottle in the pan, i'd just sit on the couch for a sec. and maybe lean over a bit and rest my head.

next thing i know my husband is like what is burning? what happened?
all that left of the pan with the bottle and the water was the handle - and the glowing burner. i coulda burned the house down cuz i just wanted to rest my head for a second.......

Wow..I hate alcoholism..when I saw your name under this post..I thought "she" has 2 years.....

It doesn't matter...how much time we have...I HAD 8 years....

The sleep you are getting (very little) is certainly contributing but if you drink and still get the same amount of sleep you will feel worse than you do now anyway.

Also if you end up drinking you may pass out and be unavailable for the kids if something were to happen.

It sucks your husband relapsed...is there anything you can see in him that points to you that he is NOT having fun....that he is sorry he relapsed? Then you can hold on to that....that if you drink you are also going to regret it...

Right now you are the strong one....you never know if you can stop drinking again....I thought I could stop right away...It took me 6 years to stop again....

Its not worth it..I'm so sorry you are feeling this way...its a scary feeling.

I had babies once too and I understand how you're feeling. :hug: Is there anyone who could give you some respite? I'm sorry your husband relapsed. :( All the more reason for you to stay clean and sober. :hug:

Having a new baby is a very stressful time for anyone and getting so little sleep is, of course, making things worse. Can you get someone to help out, even just for a few hours, so you could get some rest? I think it would help you a lot. Drinking/drugging at this point would be a disaster. You are the sober parent to an infant and a young child and you need to be sober. I really hope that you feel better.

Thank you guys.

I have a hard time asking for help. People have to work and have their own lives and I feel like I should be able to handle this without feeling this way. Im so tired though I can't even think straight and that's why I appreciate your comments so much

My husband is also using in the house so it's hard but I think I prefer having him here than not knowing where he is

Sometimes we all need to ask for help. :hug: If help is possible, please look into it. You need to get some rest. Can you find someone responsible who will watch the kids while you get some sleep. :hug:

Never be sorry for asking for help ChangingODAAT- that's what we're here for :)

D

humility never hurt anyone.
lack of it has destroyed nations.
millions upon millions of people on this rock getting help today with different aspects their lives. get rid of the pride and fear and reach out for help before ya reach out for a bottle.
ya think yer struggling now, picture how exciting and fun it all would be with alcohol involved.
reach out.

might be time to set boundaries with hubby,too. he can drink but not around you or the kids. time for him to get out of his underoos and into some big boy undies.
sumthin like that.

Really glad you reached out for support instead of drinking.

Anytime those thoughts start trying to tempt me, I think about how that craving would be back ALL the time. It never stops at just one night, that's the great lie.

And the relief I'm looking for can't be found in a substance. I know this, because I tried finding it there and all it brought me was more problems.

Hope your new baby starts sleeping through the night for you soon. I remember those days of having little ones, enjoy it! The time goes by so quickly and you will never regret being sober and present for your children.

Changing,
I am really sorry. When my two children were that small, I felt I was in a constant massive hungover (and I was not drinking at all). I did not have to deal with the level of stress you are dealing with at all.

Please remember: you have just gone through the emotional and physical ordeal of pregnancy, childbirth and now a new born. Your body (all your hormones and the physical trauma that the process involves) and your mind are extremely fragile. This is true for all mothers, even those with all the help in the world and those who go into 'in love' mood with their baby.

You need protection and someone to look after you. You don't have that. It sucks. It is not fair. A lot of what you are experiencing is the same that you would experience in better circumstances. But yours are worse. It is not good for your children to grow up around an addict. It will impact them forever.

Yet, you are not in a position to handle this now. In my view, you should not take another burden. You should take yourself to the GP, tell him you are struggling, you can't cope, you feel you should be able to do this by yourself, etc. Everything you are saying are alarm bells that might point out to post-natal depression. Please reach out. Detach emotionally from your husband. Pretend it is the unwanted family member you have to cope with in the house. Don't do anything for him. Let him deal with his issues and detach, detach.

Keep posting and please, please reach out to your doctor/midwives/etc.. about you. Once you are better, you can look into other things.

I take really seriously the stories of relapse here. They are a stark reminder of my reality. When someone says "I drank and ended up right back where I was, and worse" I believe them. And remind myself that I am no different. The same will happen for me.

2 kids is hard but you can do it. Imagine doing what you are doing hung over?

Read stories here and plug your name into them. Because that is what will happen. Hang in there. It'll get better.

Thank you guys

I think my husband using has been harder on me because I see how much energy he has while he is high on meth and I need energy but not feom meth clearly.

My mom called me this morning just to talk and I ended up crying on the phone for no reason. I think she got worried so now both my parents are on their way here. I know they will help even if I did not ask for it. They should be here in about 30 minutes!

If you were crying on the phone, you had good reason to cry, being tired and frustrated and having two small kids to take care of. :hug:

I hope your parents can help you. :hug:

I (obviously) know nothing about you but I am super happy to know there is some kind of network for you. Would it be a possibility to live with your parents for a week or two until you feel better? If you have a partner who is high and you have to managed relationships/cover-up whatever,it may be easier to say you need help and it is easier to go to them than displacing them. It would give you a real boundary from your partner too.

No idea about highs on meth and whether your partner uses the energy to be a hands-on father for some periods of time, but I am sure the lows are not great and last longer. Whatever the circumstances, try to protect yourself and reach out everywhere you can. And keep posting if it helps you.

My parents are here now amd I was able to sleep for 3 hours this afternoon ! The longest time I have slept in the last 3 weeks.

I could go live with my parents for a bit but I would be too worried about my husband. He becomes very depressed and suicidal after some time on meth. I feel it's safer for me to stay here

so glad you got a bit of rest. might one of your parents be able to stay with you for a while?
“I haven't posted the last few days because even though I now have 2 years clean I have been struggling really bad.“
this is kinda backwards: the time to stay connected is especially that time of struggle.
you have a very full plate and if you find SR supportive to you, use it for all it’s worth.

ChangingODAAT, you can't save your husband by being around. It is not you leaving or staying what makes him suicidal. It is the ups and lows of the drugs. He probably is scared alone, like many of us, thinking he can die any moment in one of the abusive sessions and he will be alone. I am digressing because I have no idea of the situation, nor I know the effect of meth.

What I know is that you need to be looked after yourself and you should go with your parents for a couple of weeks. Your children will be more settled too and it will be easier to look after them. Perhaps only 3 or 4 days.

If you have dealt with addiction yourself, you know better than anybody else your husband's safety is not truly linked to you.

Be kind to yourself.

How old is your new baby? Are your parents staying a bit longer? Is there a plan for them to come from time to time?

I hope you manage to sleep a bit more.

You've got a lot going on there so absolutely no apologies necessary. The two baby club is definitely different than the one baby club, but you will find a new normal. The lack of sleep and husband drinking are two huge stressors for you. Please stay sober. Those babies need you clean. You ARE the cavalry and their everything - both figuratively and literally.

[QUOTE=ChangingODAAT;7237942
I could go live with my parents for a bit but I would be too worried about my husband. He becomes very depressed and suicidal after some time on meth. I feel it's safer for me to stay here[/QUOTE]

its safer for YOU to be around someone that may be suicidal?
do you know how many murder suicides have occured because one person in the relationship didnt get away from the insanity?
you there or not- meth WILL make a person depressed and suicidal.

Hi Changing, how are you doing?

He has left by himself without me asking, he got mad my parents were here and I have no idea whers he is now

BackandScared, the baby is 3 weeks old (my son) and my daughter is turning 2 this month :)

You are my heroine! 3 months and not even 2 years old! No wonder you are struggling, without even considering your partner's pressure. He is probably mad someone has interfered with his habit but he will be back.

I would really leave to my parents' for a while now that he is not there. And I would spend time appreciating the difference in your life and your children behaviour (mainly the 2 years old) when he is not around.

3 weeks after delivery is really little and you must be exhausted. Making new human beings and keeping them alive is an incredible experience but as hard as it sounds. Whatever the circumstances I hope you keep reaching out to y our parents or whoever may be a good support for you, even if it is only a cup of tea/coffee with a friend/neighbor for 20 minutes.

:grouphug:

Thank you for reaching out, Changing. I believe you should go with your parents for a bit; you cannot save your husband from himself, and your children will be safer and happier without the drama. Perhaps just for a few days; you need a break, my dear. I also agree that stories of relapse should be taken very seriously and that it doesn't matter how much sobriety you have-it can happen at any stage. I had 15 years of sobriety and got complacent, thought that I had it figured out--what a sad joke. Alcoholism took me to the brink of death after that long run; now I have 3 years, 8 months and guard my sobriety like the precious jewel that it is. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey. You can do this!

Been thinking about you ChangingODAAT. Now that he is out of the house, I would stay there and hopefully your parents can stay too. I sense they are the only reason you are clean and handling this situation. Tell them that you need them and tell them to stay as long as they possibly can. They are your way forward right now.

Thank you guys. Just a quick update because I am back to being crazy busy! My parents had to leave because they had a trip planned out and I didn't want them to cancel so I am at home alone with the kids now. No sign of my husband :( Thank you for all your help

im really worried for you..as your parents must be as well.
You are YOUNG if you have kids that young...and please listen to us when we tell you.....

It is YOU and those two little babies that you have to keep SAFE.

Your husband is an adult struggling with addiction but he needs to figure IT OUT...just like you had to figure it out...(that sober is better).

You so far have been coping and making it thru even with all the stress...the best place for you and your children is with your parents...Please go there..

Hopefully your husband will sober up and realize that he is not fulfilling his role in your marriage NOR is he fulfilling his role as a parent.

If you stay there..you put yourself, your sobriety and your children at great risk...Please believe that right NOW you have to leave there....that is in the best interest of your children....

Your husband is not a child....he will manage....save yourself!

Yes I am young. I am 21 and my husband is 25.
My husband has left the house a few days ago because he got upset my parents were here to help. I have no idea where he is and I know he is still using and it worries me.

My parents left because they had a vacation planned and I didn't want them to cancel. It's just me and the kids at home right now. I have the key to my parents house if my husband comes back and he is still using. When my parents come home from their trip maybe I will go there for a few days

Whatever you do keep yourself and the kids safe.
D

You are an endless source of surprises. 21! You must be one of the youngest, if not the youngest around here. Which should tell you that you have achieved more than most of us in terms of waking up and acting on self-destroying behaviour, allowing you a full life to do incredible things.

You have also had 2 kids when most people don't know how to look after themselves. You can look after yourself and others (including your partner). At the moment you are the equivalent of a high flyer broker who is running around keeping all the balls on motion, under huge stress, because the markets don't close. Your market not closing are your young kids. Don't see yourself as a mother who cannot cope. From the little we know about you, you have far more skills and resilience than most human beings I have ever come across, let alone addicts.

Your partner has abandoned you and his kids. The fact that you understand his addicted mind and can empathise with it, does not change reality. It is a **** thing to do. I don't know how, but instead of worrying about him, find it inside you to get angry and detach from a problem you cannot resolve.

I keep saying the same, but reach out: explain to people you trust what is happening. Explain that you may still stick by his side even if you know it is a bad idea. This is not about disappointing your parents or friends. It might happen because addiction takes everybody with it.

Do you know that statistically, women who have children this young, do better in their professional lives? You have a full life ahead of yourself, the wisdom and strength to make it happen. You seem amazing. Would be great if you kept posting.