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Ignore bothersome members. If there is someone on the forum that bothers you, select the Ignore option on the drop down menu under their name on the post. You won't see any posts from this member again.

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I'm an addict and a broken person. But I never was nor am I unfixable. You're the same.

Good luck!
K

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Surlyredhead/My Story
25 years ago , I walked into a treatment facility, more dead than alive. I was there as indigent, basically, I was homeless and had no money. I had one bag of belongings, everything I owned in the world, and it fit into one bag. I was so sick, my hair was like straw, my skin was red and peeling, if I coughed or sneezed, my nose would bleed, I was bloated and in a lot of mental and physical pain. I had two warrants out for my arrest, I had lost my marriage, I had also lost my Son, my family, my job, my license and everything I owned. I had moved from place to place 19 times in less than two years until I ended up in the streets of Detroit or in a shelter, if I could find one I had not been kicked out of for not being able to stay sober. I had been stabbed and it took 28 stitches to close my arm, I had a gun put in my face and I had been beaten black and blue more than once. I was tired, more tired than I could ever imagine being without losing consciousness. I wished that I would die more times than I could count, but I was too chicken to do it myself. I was 28 years old and totally worthless in my eyes. Then I ended up on the couch of someone who saw something in me that I did not see in myself, he took me to the Health Department for a referral to get into treatment. I walked into S.H.A.R. House on April 27th, 1994. My first day sober.

I stayed there for the 90 day inpatient treatment, not easy at first. I needed to learn the most basic life skills again....sleep at night, awake in the day. I had a job function and I had to be responsible, I had to follow rules and face some pretty hard truths. Somehow I managed to complete the program. It took over a month of detoxing to not sweat through my night clothes every night. It took two solid months to start to feel like a human again. It took much longer for my short term memory to come back. But I made it, 90 whole days. After I completed, I put in a proposal to stay there, I would live there and work with the newcomers, I would get a small stipend, but I would have a roof and I would be safe. Thankfully, they accepted me. I stayed 18 months total.

After that, I got into there shelter plus program, basically, a small apartment that I would pay 30% of my income for and I would need to attend aftercare groups. I found myself pregnant before I moved and I had my now 23 year old Son after I was in the apartment. We lived there for 5 years, sharing a bedroom. But it was ours. I raised my Son alone, it was not easy, but we made it. I eventually found a job making $6 an hour, but it was enough to take over my apartment. During this time, in the beginning, I had trouble sleeping, I would wake up feeling scared or sick, thinking about what I had let myself become, of things that had happened to me, or how I had lost my family etc. I could not go back to sleep, so I usually just got up regardless of the time. My Family was cautiously talking to me, but the trust was not there yet. I had to let them vent out there feelings to me and just take it, after all, I had put them and myself in that situation. As time went by, the trust returned and my Mom even told me she was proud of me! I also remember the first time I had woke up with that sick feeling in my stomach and I was able to say "Thank you God, that I am not that person anymore." and roll over and go back to sleep!

Over the years, I have spoken at a few schools about addiction. I was invited to speak at a S.H.A.R. Graduation, I have been a mentor and I give back whenever I can. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am in recovery. If someone actually tries to make me feel bad, I just say, "Are you actually trying to make me feel bad for being a success story? Who does that!"

The next years seem to have flown by, I got my license back, took care of my warrants, I got us a bigger apartment, got a better job and a car. Got an even better job, a better car and bought a house! Nothing big or fancy, but it is MINE. I was even able to buy my Son a small car on his 16th birthday, all by myself. He is now a Deputy Sheriff, and a GREAT person. He knows that I am in recovery and always has. He tells me how much he respects me and is proud of me.

Has it been easy, no. Is it worth it, ABSOLUTELY. I am the Daughter my Mom Deserves(my Dad is gone) I am a great Mom, Sister, Aunt, Friend, Employee and, if I do say so my self, a pretty Awesome Gal. I understand that I am one drink away from losing it all. I understand that my Sobriety has to come before everyone and everything, because if I lose my Sobriety, there is no more Cathy. I have found an inner peace that only comes from Sobriety, self forgiveness, and self love. I understand that I can only keep what I have, by giving it away. I understand that I must never forget and always be aware that Addiction is lurking around every corner, waiting to get me back. I refuse to fight Alcohol, it wins every time, the only way for me to win, is to stay out of the ring. I am truly powerless, and in knowing that, I am free.


Today, at 53 (no one thought I would make it to 30) I am 25 years Sober, who would have thought? If there is anyone who doesn't believe in Miracles, I am here to tell you, they happen, I am one of God's own.


Thank you all for helping me make it One More Day, Tears are flowing as I type, but they are Good Tears.

Gratefully, Cathy
__________________
Every Saint has a past and every Sinner has a future!

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