Sobriety is hard..
 

My name is CJ. I am 26 from Eastern Connecticut. I've been struggling with sobriety for over three years now. Alcohol is my vice.. as is marijuana but I've yet to quit weed with fear that I'll relapse and turn to alcohol. I've replaced my behavior with the over eating of junk food at night and it makes me feel worse. Weed helps but I think my anxiety is just getting worse and worse as the days go by.

I'm not sure what to do. I've tried finding AA meetings but it seems harder than I feel it should be. I need support but I lack it because I am constantly pushing everyone away.. I fear getting close to people because I think they will do me wrong or suck me into my bad behavior loop..

I am sad and overwhelmed.. and everyone thinks I'm this happy go lucky guy.. sigh.. I think I need more like-minded people who understand and can relate to addiction..

Hi Charx,

Have you ever addressed the underlying issues of why you were drinking in the first place? If I'm reading this correctly you have been abstinent from alcohol for over three years while white knuckling and substituting your addiction for another.

I was not able to begin my own journey until I let go of resentments and started practicing forgiveness. Much easier said than done.

Allow me to be blunt, you need to get over those fears and jump into sobriety head first. Just do it. It is hard the first week or 2 cuz you're an addict, but you don't want to be, right?
As one of our great literary scribes put it, "Faith is what you make it." - OutKast
It doesn't need to be hard, you make it harder on yourself thinking that way.
"It's not a lie if you believe it." - George Costanza.
The power is within you to overcome this. You may wanna try other programs available as well to you. Find the tools that work for you, find outlets other than drinking/drugs/fast food you enjoy. Keep a journal, set small realistic goals for yourself.
Best to you, there's tons of support here and it's what's kept me going in between therapies and programs.

How hard is alcoholism and addiction? In hindsight, for me they were very hard. Initially recovery seemed hard, but it was new to me so I should have expected that. I learn by repetition not by nature.

Now that my recovery years are getting closer to the amount of years I spent in my disease, I find recovery to be a less hard lifestyle. My disease lifestyle was very hard and a took a huge toll on my mind, body, and spirit, not to mention time and finances.

I find recovery to be the easier softer way. It is work, but so was my disease.

I first became sober 3 years ago for 6 months.. then drank and sober back and forth... sober a month or so then drink again...

I've tried so many things. The only thing that allowed me to be sober was antabuse. 3 years ago in April I first became sober for 6 months.. then something happened and I went into a cycle of drinking for a month or so then sober again, and a vicious continuing cycle. Then I was sober for 5 months until last summer when I met someone and let things get out of hand and thought I could drink and handle it again.

I am now sober for about a month now.. trying to get an appointment with a new therapist.. taking naltrexone and prozac now and antabuse right now so I cant have the option to drink. I've been so busy the past 5 months with an internship and work and I'm way past my stress limit and taking it out on people.. I feel at loss after having tried so many things.. but the real problem is me..

In your first post to SR you wrote:

"I am too hesitant to attend AA at this time. Basically I really need to find a positive support system or people who can relate to the trouble of alcoholic addiction. I know I would find precisely that if I would just go to AA, but something is stopping me."

Three years later:

Precious time slipping by, too hesitant to try AA because it is flat out easier to be drunk and stoned. You are seeking support, and SR can provide that, but you need to get your butt in gear and move from inaction to action or you are going to be 30 years old and bemoaning your struggles with sobriety.

Congratulations on 3 years sober charx. I am an alcoholic (sober 4 + years) but have not been dependent on marijuana so I cannot give you any specific advice but maybe if you quit the weed then your mood and outlook might also improve. I am not saying it definitely would but I don't think you have much to lose by trying. Specifically I dont think you are likely to to want to drink any more than is the case now.

Ps, you may have already seen it but there is also a section on marijuana which might be worth a look.

I'm not an AA person, but stopping drinking is the hardest thing I've ever done. Honestly, I think you should expect it to be very hard. But, you will be able to do it. And, it will be worth it.

I do know it is hard. I am not an AA person either but without a community that understands.. it is rather trying.

I am not three years sober.

.

Charx, don't be so hard on yourself, and forgive yourself, we are not invincible.
I'm on Naltrexone too and Campral and just force myself to take them daily to make sure I do not drink. But there is still effort we need to put in and resolve our issues so to never relapse again. I too tried everything, and it always came back to the same old. Believe me if you don't do it now, you'll find yourself a decade, 2, 3 older still in the same predicament.
It's good to hear that you are seeking additional support, you will need to accept yourself as who you truly are.

Yes, it is hard - SR is such a community however. So is AA, and lots of other recovery communities.

And as others have said, getting sober will probably be one of the hardest things you will ever do - maybe the hardest to be honest. Whether you are an "AA person" or not really doesn't matter - the hardest thing you will have to do is accept that drinking alcohol is simply not an option- not in any quanity nor at any time. AA is a program that can help you do that, but you have to accept the premise above whether you chose AA or any other program of sobriety. Even if you didn't choose a specific recovery method, you still have to come to terms with the fact that if you drink, bad things will happen - always, every time.

SR provides a community for you to learn about many different ways of going about the business of quitting and staying quit - I hope you can spend some time reading about it. That might help you make the decision to quit or accept that quitting for good is the best plan.

Personally, I do not find it as hard as I feared, but it's still early. I do not want to think about things like I'll never be able to enjoy a drink again, self-pity and envy of others who can handle it. When I start comparing myself, I put an immediate STOP to it, all these thoughts are only going to bring me down and make it harder.

It's not always easy, not always fun, but its easier than the life of a drunk I lived for so long.

This is helpful.. you're right. It's hard to not compare to others. Thank you.

Yes this is very true..

Charx, it does you no good, plus you have no idea what that person may be struggling with in turn. You will help build true self confidence, not superficial or drunk, the latter you probably regret on the next day.
You're putting the odds in your favor, and that makes me happy. This site definitely helps along the way too.

Side note - Saying it's ''not as hard...'' just reminded me of a math teacher in college who'd say, ''it's easy, it's easy,'' over and over. I wanted to smother him. It's easy for you! I am taking this class a second time. But really, it's cuz I didn't do my homework and he was going through entire chapters every class (and he would skip chapters and then return to some). It's math, it's right or wrong, it's logic. Once you get it, it gets easier. But I recall hating him for saying that, but really it was me not doing the work/practice (as math does not come naturally to me as it had to my sibling), and it just got harder and harder as the semester progressed. I was thinking, don't computers do this all for you these days once set up to?

Welcome Charx :)

I really plugged myself in here - I really wanted what these folks had and I looked around for a way to stay sober that made sense to me. I understand the fear of getting sober and the even worse fear of not getting sober but support really does help.

Have you checked out the May support thread? All you have to do to join is post :)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-one-8.html

''FATE is what you make it'' - correct.

Let me blunter (if that’s a word)
 

You interlude is packed with freudian-honesty. That’s a great start and why sharing is so encouraged at meetings. Whoops, buried in that last sentence is the first key to changing the course of your “program”. It’s Courage. Anyone with any amount of Sobriety has found or faked courage long enough to cross the threshold from wishing to working. You are suffering from a chronic case of “Trying”. Typically preceded by “but I’m really”. I have not known any one of the hundreds of birthday shares i have consumed from others that included the phrase in any form “i achieved sobriety with a commitment or focus on trying”. This is a program of Action, there’s a whole chapter on it in that fat dk blue paper dust collector. You know “How it Works” so, go DO what you need to DO and get to a meeting tonight, force yourself to stay after and cleanup or talk. Ask about open commitments at that meeting. Get a real sponsor. One that will hold you accountable to do ALL the steps. Push that person to work you through the steps. Good sponsors will NOT chase you. When you get to tail end of step 5, spend that hour really contemplating whether you have thoroughly completed the first 5. Don’t skip a single one, especially moving forward thru slate-cleaning #9! Take your life back like soooo many others before you have done successfully.

I am the arbiter of my participation in this deal but, not arbiter of the results. The participation had never physically hurt at any uncomfortable turn like the alternatives which for me usually regular unrelenting guilt, 3-day hangover, or best of all, handcuffs and concrete bedding. Being “Sober” and having “Sobriety”, are two distinct and frequently misused states of being. There IS a difference. I know this because i could have written the short book on the concept but, only after years of “Sober”. I hope you can realize the difference at some point, too. I’m also convinced, which is one of many things i was sure to be true, that no one has ever entered a room of WA (whatever anonymous) sat down and immediately declared i wish to start and apply this program of restorative spiritual behavioral-change through whatever prescribed means necessary, from this day forward until my grave (which is, of course my point). Reading is more fundamental in recovery. It saved my behind during many a panic/anxiety attack.

The Costanza quote rocks, Caprice6! That’s a keeper. I’m partial to this one … “On the bright side, there is a solution, unfortunately, this is it... “ oh yea, and stop at the next rose bush and take a waft. You will never feel more alive.

:You_Rock_

Yep, those early days can be tough. And the days that follow of making changes and/ or cleaning up the messes created during time mired in addiction can flat out suck.

But... I tell you this... I wouldn't trade the life I live now for anything. The simplicity, the peace... sure I have my issues and life is still life... but the wealth of peace around me simply because I don't have mountains of self inflicted crap piled up around me is just flat out wonderful... and not hard at all really.

Also, if a person - like me - really does have serious issues with addiction there comes a choice: embrace the short term suck and make the change, or waste my life/ die. Whenever I frame it that way and give it the seriousness and priority it deserves it feels a lot simpler.

I'm going to go out on a limb... I think you need yourself right now more than anything. There are support groups available. I have been there in feeling uneasy in support groups when they weren't what I expected. What I learned is that that was just another symptom of the underlying issues of my alcoholism - trying to control everything and make everything in my world conform to how I think it should be... versus simply letting go a bit and just accepting things for how they are. Hell, we need to be uncomfortable sometimes so we can start to learn to deal with life for what it is instead of trying to medicate it all away.

You need you bud. And I'd recommend putting the weed down for a bit too. Anyone, including yourself, that says or implies that regular marijuana use - and all that comes with it in terms of propagands, social expectations, etc. - doesn't cloud the mind and impair judgment is simply dishonest.

And if I've learned anything through this process it's that to get clean I had to be very honest with myself... as much as that is ever possible.

Good luck to you. You can do it if you want to.

-B

oh shoot, nevermind. :)

Welcome aboard the USS Sobriety, Charx! Or is that the HMS Sobriety, that's good too.

Sna2rxb

The Costanza quote rocks, Caprice6! That’s a keeper. - Thanks! He was the best. :D