Has it come to this?
 

I've been there too. Before work even, though I was likely to call in sick or make some other excuse. Some days I think I just disappeared, let them guess where I was. Truth is I don't even remember all that clearly. And it can get worse. By luck and the skin of my teeth I didn't even up hurting anyone, in jail or worse. The wine became vodka...sigh.

But there's a better life, yours for the taking really.

I used to drink in the morning to stop the shakes. :( It was hard getting thru the first few weeks sober, but I did it and don't regret it. My life is so much better now. :)

I drank half a pint of vodka first thing in the morning. I felt nothing but shame and guilt year upon year. Finally I stopped, because I was coming to the end. Stop now. After the first few months, I felt like a new woman. Lots of work to do, but now I can face it and you can too.

Hey, you just started!

Welcome :)

Welcome to the posting side of things Hopingwishing. My guess is that what's happened to you is the same thing that happened to most of us - we realized that alcohol had us in it's grips. I can still vividly remember those days of trying to choke down a beer in the morning to get rid of the shakes. I remember the shame too - for what i had done the night before ( if I remembered ) and what I was about to do by starting off my drunk again every day.

The good news though is that it can absolutely get better. And you can definitely feel good again some day. The way to get started is very simple - stop drinking alcohol. Yes - simple, but not easy....

If you are to the point of physical dependence ( I was too ) - you may want to speak with a doctor before quitting cold turkey. Withdrawals can potentially be dangerous, so it's best to have some help focused directly on your physical health.

You'll also find a lot of support here, and don't rule out seeking help from local support groups. Having people to call and see in person can be very helpful early on especially.

I'm glad you've decided to post....that's a big step.

Welcome! I think shame and guilt are two of the ways that alcoholism keeps us hooked. It's so hard to break through those feelings and believe that you are ready and able to stop drinking and recover. You can do this!

I found myself drinking earlier everyday to stop the shakes as well! That s when I knew I have to STOP Now! Today is day 5! Shakes are gone, sleep is getting better and this is coming from a guy that can crush whiskey. I stopped caffeine as well and my body is neutralizing and feeling great! Try Kudzu Root on Amazon. Natural way to help curve cravings and good for your liver! You got this!

Welcome to the posting side of SR. This site helped me get sober. You can do this one day at a time!!

Well done for posting and saying out loud that you have a problem.
A bottle of wine in the morning was just the beginning for many of us, it very quickly escalates to so much more.

You have done the right thing, now your sober journey can begin. Its simple but not easy, a marathon not a sprint.

Welcome Hopingwishing.

I can remember many years ago having to be up very, very early to help my ex-wife leave on a trip she was going on. I had the day off and was back at the house by myself at 4:30 am. I had a box of wine, and I can vividly remember how good it felt to be there (I'm a morning person anyway) sipping my wine and reading a really good book to start my day. Fast forward a few years and I can also vividly remember gulping vodka at the same time of the morning, begging the shakes and the anxiety and the skin crawling sweats and the horrible self-loathing and despair to just go away. They did, but only because I passed out later. If I sat down and worked at it, I have lots of those second memories I could recall. Never again.

A warm welcome to SR, sorry to hear your plight. I will share that when I started drinking in the morning (not regularly, but enough) I knew I was headed down a bad road. And I was right. That's when I discovered withdrawals etc... lots of good smart people here to help you out.

It starts right here.

I was a wine drinker, too. Drank a lot in the morning.

You can break the cycle. Believe that. I myself have stumbled and fallen and gotten banged around a bit but believe me I remember coming here exactly like you are now and I'm a lot better for it.

Keep lurking or better yet keep posting and see what happens. Why not? :)

You can do it. Like others here, I would drink in the morning too before work. It is hard to begin, but put one day in front of another. Think positive. There were times when I could not imagine 30 days sober. I'm coming up on 7 months now. As others have said, there is always hope and you can do it if you want to. SR is a great start.

Day 1
 

Trying to sleep and rest up, hoping the anxiety will go. It just won't. I am so scared of everything at the moment. Scared I will have ruined my prospects at work by calling in sick..again.

A big trigger for me is travelling for work. I had meetings in London earlier this week and it was on the train back that I decided to get some drinks. How stupid. I can't ever just have a couple. I drink to blackout, lose my purse or phone, have to get one of my family to pick me up from the train station. The next day I spend with the fear, cringing reading the rubbish I have texted people, worrying who knows that I was just drunk. I can't keep living like this, hating this big dark secret that I've hidden away from everyone: I'm an alcoholic. And it feels like I'm a failure because of that fact.

I know that this is a rather rant-y message but I just need to get this out of my head. Everything feels so hard and I'm so scared I can't sort myself out. But enough is enough.

Anxiety and being scared is normal, but withdrawal can be dangerous. Go to the ER if things get bad. But once you are through this, you won’t ever have to do it again.

I also remember those drinking mornings. Whatever warm beer was left in the can when I went to sleep was the first thing I reached for in the morning. Ugh.

You can sort yourself out, you've already started. Just don't cave today. Get through each day on its own. As yinzer said, withdrawals can be dangerous. Keep posting if necessary. I have posted and ranted plenty in the early days.

Your actions are no worse than what all of us have done. Probably not as bad as some of my actions...which I won't go into now because I'm not that person any more.

There is a way out. It gets so much better without the drink. Find a way. It's worth all the early days discomfort.

I'd say if you can't do it by yourself with this website then how about an AA meeting or a doctor or both?

I believe you can do it - if I can, you can. :)