When it hits hard😱😱😱😱
 

So i said to myself I wouldn't count days, think i may of told you lot as well, but here i am on day 10 ������.
Well it's been up an down,round an around. Mood swings from yep i got this, to ohhhh **** it mode.
But I stayed on the bus ��.
Music is a huge, huge part of my life. Always has been from the early acid house years right through. Every track, tune, song has a meaning.
Today marching to the doctors for blood test, I had my head phones in, a track came on that I really, really resonate with.
SIA...........artist
Chandelier.......track title
Stopped me in my tracks an i just cried.......
Like I was mourning for a life lost.
Man it hit me hard..........
I wanted to run to a shop an get wasted. (I didn't)
That track is me......check it out........

I felt completely beaten, because I can't listen to certain music anymore, I've lost it. Music has always been my release, every track I live, I feel.
I'm proud i didn't give in........man I'm proud, BUT the thing is, music is in me. And now I can't listen to it.
Forgive ramblings, but I feel like. ......... I dunno, that drink, drugs, an now music is gone.........
I'm a positive person on the whole, but today I feel a bit broken .........
Tomorrow is a new day, I know. But for now .....man I'm struggling.

Much love to everyone on this journey,because **** me it's hard.
Over an out ���� x

Keep in mind, you will definitely not feel this way forever. Early sobriety is SUCH a roller coaster, you have emotional reactions to everything - but it will all even out, I promise. In the meantime, make sure you are eating enough, sleeping as much as you can, and drinking lots of water. We're here for you. :grouphug:

I had a moment like this last week. Let it out, it will pass and you will feel just a little bit stronger—small victories!!!

Keep going, and good job on not drinking.

Mate I know, I've been here many times, I've meds for sleep, all fresh cooking, plenty of fluids, I just feel lost right now. Tomorrow I know I will feel better.
It's just the here an now I needed to share. I'm very much a "suck it up buttercup" sorta person. I'm not on a pity party right now. I'm just lost. Thank you by the way

Sometimes we relate one thing to another so much that it’s hard to experience one without the other. Maybe that’s what you’re going through? If so, I think that over time you will learn to associate music with sobriety and it will again bring you joy. Accept it for now, but don’t dismay. WHo knows, you may enjoy it even more when your senses are no longer dulled?

Doris, I think this will be temporary. I found I couldn't listen to certain music in early recovery without feeling major pain. But, over time, those feelings diminished.

I actually stopped drinking 30/12/18 but had a **** up Jan 5th . Nothing since then. I stopped coke beginning of December man I had a raging habit probably a grand a week ��. I made a friend on here , an he said did you withdraw from coke???? I said no. Untill I had a flash back of shaking from top to toe, after a particularly heavy week on it. But I drank threw it, an passed out.
For me coke was psychological rather than physical. I've done most drugs in my life.
But booze is the daddy of them all man. All my life it's been something ��
And it scary to face the reasons why............
But I know those reasons, an it's scares the**** outta me knowing that I'm gonna have to face them soon, if I'm to have a fighting chance ��

Sia is in long term recovery, not sure if you're aware Doris.

https://studybreaks.com/thoughts/sia...ty-role-model/

That's what this track is about. 123 drink 123 drink

The lyrics is me to a T x

Here is a track if anyone is interested that sums up what I'm trying to tell you all, again music is my life..........
Put it in you tube an listen full blast an that's me.

The verve.......
Velvet morning

Xx

You’re doing well Doris.
I lost my music for a while too , it reminded me and triggered me too much.
But picked up on other music and different depths.
Johnny cash the beast within.
Nine inch nails ( Trent reznor) everything where it belongs.

These people struggled with addiction Trent got free think cash did too.

Everything is so raw early in sobriety it’s unreal.
The slightest thing sets you off.
It can’t kill you though, only the booze and coke can do that.

Hang in there Doris, weather the storm and be proud.
You’ll be a bigger wiser person for it.
Someone to look up to and admire.
Come on dig deep.
I know you have it in you.


:grouphug:

Man i think you get me snownydelrico. How can I move forward??? I'm 47 been here many times, I know the tools, I know how to get my body healthy, I was actually a bit of a fitness freak, but my mind is sick. I could talk till I'm blue in the face, nothing changes, it's still the same, it still happend, it still haunts me. I can't change what's been an done. I can't get closure. Now what???? I faced a few years straight. Man it was horrible. I'm not unstable, I know nothing I could of done would stopped it,
Woah Woah I'm talking to much.
Yes I've helped myself, but you can't stop the nightmares, the damage, the total feeling of desolation man.
So what now 😢😢😢😱

I had to give up listening to music. Its my worst trigger. Its been 3 years and I believe it was a small sacrifice.

Too me it's a huge sacrifice man 😱

But no one is gonna save us........it starts with us right ....
Isn't that what they say....
Have you ever been so high man..... too soon, too far
I'm rambling man.
😢😢😢😨😨😫😱

Whatever it is. Let it go.
Acceptance is key.
Do the time.
The more sober time you do the better things get, it just snowballs after time.
It just happens that way, subtle changes.

Ludovico einaudi - nuvole bianche makes me cry every time. Man I need this to end. Ffs I'm a grown woman,with child like emotions. It's exhausting man. What's right what's wrong, up,down. My mind feels like it fragmenting. Every emotion heightened. The good the bad, the happy the sad. It's overwhelming. Ffs sake. 😱

doris...have you eaten recently? cuz ya kinda sound like someone whose blood sugars are going bonkers. maybe calm down, take a breath, grab a bite to eat.

I'm a house music dj. I actually find I can enjoy music even more and dance better and longer sober.

I just don't hang out in the club once I'm tired from dancing.

My only problem these days is worsening tinnitus.

10 days is early, eventually your brain won't try to reach out for a drink because of every random thing that pops up.