Mother is on her deathbed.
 

It"s not unexpected. I didn't see her lasting much longer, but I haven't seen her in 2 years. I have been exiled in a way for 7 years. Just a couple lunches during this time. She is riddled with cancer and has a few days to live. Unconscious for the last 24 hours and doctors are certain there is no chance on regaining consciousness. It's just a shock because I never had a chance to say goodbye.

WL, I'm sorry for your mother is losing her battle with cancer. Maybe you could think about writing a good-bye letter to your mother, which of course, you would not send. But, it might help to get your emotions out. Or you could simply go for a walk and say good-bye to her in your head. I hope you find some peace with this situation.

I'm so sorry about your mother WL--a letter is a good idea for emotions and also thinking things out.

I also wish you peace.

I'm sorry to hear this WL.
I agree with Anna tho - you can still say goodbye in a letter a thought, a prayer...whatever makes sense to you.

wishing you the best man - you're not alone :)

D

My mother is in a coma. She has maybe 2 or 3 days to live. I want to go visit her even though my father said that she is so emaciated and looks like death itself, won't be able to hear me in any way. I am her son. My mother has been slowly dying for about 3 years now and I wasn't told how bad her condition was.

I know that my mom doesn't want to be remembered that way. I don't want to see my mother that way, but I feel I should go see her. I don't want her to die alone.

Should I tell my father and brother, who kept her deteriorating health from me, to go f*** themselves and go see her before she dies?

Go see her

You will not regret it.

Big hugs surrounding you.

Personally..I'd go and see my mother, if I were you. I would also not drink over this,as that does nothing for the situation.

I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s a hard time of year being the holidays also. Regardless, it’s just hard. I would go see her for your own sake. You need closure. You deserve this. Like Don’t remember said, don’t drink over it. It will only add to the depression and make things worse.

I like Anna’s idea too. My therapist suggested that to me after my mom died. I saw her last breath. But similar to your situation, she was too far gone when I found out and I did not get to say goodbye. The letter I wrote was really helpful for my closure.

I would definitely go and see her , AND write the letter. Hugs to you.

I would go see her. My wife was a nurse for many many years and she doesn't believe for a second that people in comas aren't aware of our presence and that they can't hear us. When my mother was in her final moments, she wasn't fully conscious, as she was starting her transition to the other side, but she was thrashing about and wouldn't settle down. I held her hand and told her that I would be alright (which was mom speak for sober). She immediately settled down, took her final breath, and passed. Go see your mom, it could be healing for both of you.

I think you should do what you want to do WL.

D

I hope you are able to make a decision that you are truly comfortable with. Only you know what is right for you.

Living with regrets is difficult and destructive.

Thinking of you.

I would advise going to see her. Sorry to hear the news. hang in there.

Why do you have to tell your father and brother to go f themselves? I would work through that before I brought that toxicity to my mom's death bed. If there is something you need to clear up with your father then do it. If he and your brother have wronged you then ask to see her at a time when they won't be there. If you have wronged them own it, get humble, show compassion, show that you are sober. If you are drinking, I don't recommend going.

I think it's important to do what is the best thing for you.

I think the most important thing you could do for her and yourself at this point is to stop drinking WL. And think about what she'd want you to do. Holding resentments against your other relatives is pointless and will only hurt you.

I'm sorry that your mother is in this condition, a good friend of mine just passed away last week in hospice and was only in his mid 40's. He was literally a skeleton of his former self but right up until the time that he lost consciousness for the last time he asked people pray for him and to help take care of those around him after he was gone. I learned a lot from him without him saying any words.

If you want to go see her you should. You can say whatever it is you want to say, and I believe she will hear you. Do what is best for you to say goodbye. Sending lots of love and prayers your way. I'm sorry about your mom.❤️

So sorry WL. I hope you will do what is best for you.
Support to you.

My father is refusing to tell me what hospital my mom is in. My mother is an alcoholic, dad is maybe too. My brother has serious mental health issues and I can't speak to him in a logical way. The alcohol is what really killing my mom. Never seen her without a drink in her hand since I was about 11 years old. I am 42. 30 years of daily vodka drinking. No wonder I became an alcoholic too. Nature and nuture. **** them.

Wastinglife big hugs to you ...
you can choose to turn your life around today or continue to a slow death yourself ..
It's up to you ..
AND only you
I to have come from Alcoholic parents
the day I chose to break the link was the day my life changed for the better
I don't blame anyone for my drinking it was entirely my choice ...
I hope you get to see your mum
Thinking of you
Cara x