Notices

Mother is on her deathbed.

Old 11-20-2018, 01:02 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Wastinglife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Mother is on her deathbed.

It"s not unexpected. I didn't see her lasting much longer, but I haven't seen her in 2 years. I have been exiled in a way for 7 years. Just a couple lunches during this time. She is riddled with cancer and has a few days to live. Unconscious for the last 24 hours and doctors are certain there is no chance on regaining consciousness. It's just a shock because I never had a chance to say goodbye.
Wastinglife is offline  
Old 11-20-2018, 01:10 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,325
WL, I'm sorry for your mother is losing her battle with cancer. Maybe you could think about writing a good-bye letter to your mother, which of course, you would not send. But, it might help to get your emotions out. Or you could simply go for a walk and say good-bye to her in your head. I hope you find some peace with this situation.
Anna is offline  
Old 11-20-2018, 03:42 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,371
I'm so sorry about your mother WL--a letter is a good idea for emotions and also thinking things out.

I also wish you peace.
Hawkeye13 is offline  
Old 11-20-2018, 04:27 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,037
I'm sorry to hear this WL.
I agree with Anna tho - you can still say goodbye in a letter a thought, a prayer...whatever makes sense to you.

wishing you the best man - you're not alone

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 11-20-2018, 08:06 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Wastinglife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
My mother is in a coma. She has maybe 2 or 3 days to live. I want to go visit her even though my father said that she is so emaciated and looks like death itself, won't be able to hear me in any way. I am her son. My mother has been slowly dying for about 3 years now and I wasn't told how bad her condition was.

I know that my mom doesn't want to be remembered that way. I don't want to see my mother that way, but I feel I should go see her. I don't want her to die alone.

Should I tell my father and brother, who kept her deteriorating health from me, to go f*** themselves and go see her before she dies?
Wastinglife is offline  
Old 11-20-2018, 08:38 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Free2bme888's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,304
Go see her

You will not regret it.

Big hugs surrounding you.
Free2bme888 is offline  
Old 11-20-2018, 09:14 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Personally..I'd go and see my mother, if I were you. I would also not drink over this,as that does nothing for the situation.
DontRemember is offline  
Old 11-20-2018, 09:26 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Fearlessat50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,945
I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s a hard time of year being the holidays also. Regardless, it’s just hard. I would go see her for your own sake. You need closure. You deserve this. Like Don’t remember said, don’t drink over it. It will only add to the depression and make things worse.

I like Anna’s idea too. My therapist suggested that to me after my mom died. I saw her last breath. But similar to your situation, she was too far gone when I found out and I did not get to say goodbye. The letter I wrote was really helpful for my closure.
Fearlessat50 is offline  
Old 11-20-2018, 09:26 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Ayers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,234
I would definitely go and see her , AND write the letter. Hugs to you.
Ayers is offline  
Old 11-20-2018, 11:00 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
nez
Member
 
nez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I would go see her. My wife was a nurse for many many years and she doesn't believe for a second that people in comas aren't aware of our presence and that they can't hear us. When my mother was in her final moments, she wasn't fully conscious, as she was starting her transition to the other side, but she was thrashing about and wouldn't settle down. I held her hand and told her that I would be alright (which was mom speak for sober). She immediately settled down, took her final breath, and passed. Go see your mom, it could be healing for both of you.
nez is offline  
Old 11-20-2018, 11:40 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,037
I think you should do what you want to do WL.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 11-21-2018, 12:41 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Kaily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,053
I hope you are able to make a decision that you are truly comfortable with. Only you know what is right for you.

Living with regrets is difficult and destructive.

Thinking of you.
Kaily is offline  
Old 11-21-2018, 06:14 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I would advise going to see her. Sorry to hear the news. hang in there.
thomas11 is offline  
Old 11-21-2018, 06:19 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Why do you have to tell your father and brother to go f themselves? I would work through that before I brought that toxicity to my mom's death bed. If there is something you need to clear up with your father then do it. If he and your brother have wronged you then ask to see her at a time when they won't be there. If you have wronged them own it, get humble, show compassion, show that you are sober. If you are drinking, I don't recommend going.
entropy1964 is offline  
Old 11-21-2018, 06:55 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,325
I think it's important to do what is the best thing for you.
Anna is offline  
Old 11-21-2018, 09:15 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I think the most important thing you could do for her and yourself at this point is to stop drinking WL. And think about what she'd want you to do. Holding resentments against your other relatives is pointless and will only hurt you.

I'm sorry that your mother is in this condition, a good friend of mine just passed away last week in hospice and was only in his mid 40's. He was literally a skeleton of his former self but right up until the time that he lost consciousness for the last time he asked people pray for him and to help take care of those around him after he was gone. I learned a lot from him without him saying any words.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 11-21-2018, 09:53 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delilah1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,021
If you want to go see her you should. You can say whatever it is you want to say, and I believe she will hear you. Do what is best for you to say goodbye. Sending lots of love and prayers your way. I'm sorry about your mom.❤️
Delilah1 is offline  
Old 11-21-2018, 09:58 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
So sorry WL. I hope you will do what is best for you.
Support to you.
DarklingSong is offline  
Old 11-21-2018, 11:33 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Wastinglife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
My father is refusing to tell me what hospital my mom is in. My mother is an alcoholic, dad is maybe too. My brother has serious mental health issues and I can't speak to him in a logical way. The alcohol is what really killing my mom. Never seen her without a drink in her hand since I was about 11 years old. I am 42. 30 years of daily vodka drinking. No wonder I became an alcoholic too. Nature and nuture. **** them.
Wastinglife is offline  
Old 11-21-2018, 11:55 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 374
Wastinglife big hugs to you ...
you can choose to turn your life around today or continue to a slow death yourself ..
It's up to you ..
AND only you
I to have come from Alcoholic parents
the day I chose to break the link was the day my life changed for the better
I don't blame anyone for my drinking it was entirely my choice ...
I hope you get to see your mum
Thinking of you
Cara x
Caralara144 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:07 AM.