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-   -   Ben123 looking for accountability (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/432986-ben123-looking-accountability.html)

Be123 10-08-2018 08:41 AM

Well half my plan worked. I got to work and that was ok, but didn’t make the gym.

I’m actually ill - not even hungover ill or withdrawal ill but ill-ill. Feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. So I’ve not made the gym.

Main part of the plan (not drinking) also worked, i should add!!

I can’t be off tomorrow but I’m hoping this passes soon. Anyway, I’m home now and safe and looking forward to a sober sleep.

My plan is so tight this week I’d be hard pressed to drink even if I wanted to, I’ll check in tomorrow first thing.

Be123 10-08-2018 10:05 PM

Morning all

Good sleep, I’m up early to go to work early. Feeling slightly better, I’m ok to work at least.

Finishing early then home before coaching football early evening.

Had quite a wierd drinking dream where I was going to the pub for ‘one last drink’ but ate a chocolate bar and decided not to based on, ‘It’s just delaying the inevitable’. Obviously my brain is working this out still even when I’m asleep

Be123 10-09-2018 04:16 AM

Just observing the timing and nature of cravings.

Morning (I never drank in the morning). Saying ‘You might as well drink later’. ‘There’s no loint you’re bound to drink at some point, why not today’.

I’m ok with them, I’m not going to drink at work, never did, but I regularly made a decision to drink on them and acted on this later.

Dee74 10-09-2018 05:37 AM

Thats why its awesome every one of us can change Ben :)

D

Be123 10-09-2018 06:00 AM

What, so now I can drink in the morning 😂😂😂😂😂

Best part of my plan is to wake up and shave every morning. That’s a real change

Be123 10-09-2018 12:11 PM

That was a good day. So busy at work, but in a good way. I even ran around with the kids during football training. It’s the favourite part of my week - I was ‘volunteered’ to do it 5 years ago and I wouldn’t miss it for the world now

Tired, in a good way. Plan for tomorrow is tight until 3 and I’ll have a think about what I’ll do then as it’s bang in danger zone

Dee74 10-09-2018 04:37 PM

you don't get extra credit for thinking on the fly Ben - why not start making a plan now? :dunno:

D

Be123 10-09-2018 10:47 PM

Morning all. Plan is sorted Dee - work in a minute, finish at three and it’s a great forecast so I’m going to walk back ‘the long way’ to get my exercise in for the day. Means I’ll get in about 90 minutes later and if I turn left at the right time I miss walking past my local (which at that time would be a trigger).

I’ll be in then, and pretty tired, so will be ok for the evening.

Slept well, gratitude and shave before work it is pretty tight. Not sure I can be this regimented every day but maybe I can?

Be123 10-10-2018 11:40 AM

Evening all, in and safe. Plan worked well apart from needing to stay behind at work so instead walked midday for an hour in the beautiful (hot!) October sunshine. Bizarre weather

Got a lift home from my SO to avoid any bother on way home

Plan for tomorrow is a loooooonnnnng meeting 9.30-2.30, then an appointment, then a shorter meeting, then in for dinner. I’ll be driving and there will be little space for me thinking...’I could drink later’ until I’m finish at 6.00. So straight home for food then

I had a McFlurry today. Goodness they’re delicious

Dee74 10-10-2018 08:20 PM

Keep moving forward Ben :)

D

Be123 10-10-2018 09:56 PM

Awake early but refreshed.

Plan for today is set, meals now also sorted as at the looooooonnnng meeting someone is bringing a home made lasagna. Happy days!!

My major relapse was after the same meeting as this on about 10 September. Lesson learned from that, I’m leaving early today for a next appointment to swerve any trigger

Have a good day all

MindfulMan 10-10-2018 11:13 PM

I went through years of cycles where I'd get very sick, have horrible withdrawals, then stop for awhile. Or even "drink normally" for long periods of time, years sometimes.

It took waking up in inpatient rehab not quite remembering where I was and how I got there to realize that this was in no way under control.

I hated the 12 Step meetings, but it was during one that a light went on. Step 1. Realized I can't control my drinking and using once I took a sip or a line, and the only way to avoid being back in inpatient rehab was to completely take drinking off the table, for life.

So I did.

But I had a plan. Finish inpatient, do meetings, do IOP, get therapy, get the body into shape, and find a new career. Although the decision was sudden, and final, I don't think I could have maintained sobriety without a plan.

Make a promise to yourself, then make a plan to keep it.

Culture 10-11-2018 01:53 AM

After many day 1's, my sobriety started with one simple sentence, which I heard on here from the mighty Dee74. It was " I never knew where one drink was going to take me" it hit home and I just couldn't argue with it. From that turning point, I made a plan and followed it . Although staying sober requires daily work, it really was that sentence that was the foundation of my sobriety.
Interesting to see that on your original post you had a similar sentence.

Be123 10-11-2018 05:06 AM

Thanks courage and mindful. My plan is the plan kicks in to take the pressure off my decisions and will, giving me space to move and change internally.

A really little example - I’ve been craving all morning, not going to drink but it’s pretty tiring. Luckily I’ve just eaten a huge lasagna and know where I’m going for the rest of the day until I get in tonight, so I can let those cravings be.

Hawkeye13 10-11-2018 05:47 AM

Hey Ben--great job on the plan and the sober time.
What about joining us in the October class thread?
We are building a nice community there and you'd be very welcome :)

Be123 10-11-2018 05:54 AM

Hi Hawkeye - I’m part of the September group! I’m sticking with them and my plan (that plan again!) is to re-join them fully after 14 days of journaling in this thread. I still keep up with them from time to time

Good luck octoberians

Hawkeye13 10-11-2018 09:31 AM

A plan is what works :)

Be123 10-11-2018 10:51 AM

Good day, few cravings this morning but nothing to act on - or think about acting on really.

I am realising I need a bit of "breathing space" in a day - when these thoughts come in I need a few minutes to breathe, and think, and reflect. Finding that is not always easy!

Tomorrow I have the whole day working from home by myself. Danger time...not for me. Being indoors is my safe space and I have loads of quite positive stuff to plough through. I am looking forward to relaxing a bit. I also have to go and pick up a kitten (don't!) with my daughter at 5pm, so a good driving time to protect me.

You wont believe it but I had a Krushem today, from a famous fast food chicken restaurant...equally delicious !!!

Dee74 10-11-2018 08:31 PM


my plan (that plan again!) is to re-join them fully after 14 days of journaling in this thread.
whats the motivation behind that plan of action, ben?

D

Be123 10-11-2018 09:55 PM

Morning all. Awake early again but sleeping well, nice to wake up feeling refreshed.

The 14 day thing - it’s just me setting little mini targets alongside the overwhelming one of staying sober for life. Its a big conflict for me, balancing the forever-sober with my normal preferred way of working of targets and trying to achieve things in timescales.

The obvious smallest one is committing to the day - and at times breaking that down into minutes if needed. I’ve then got various things in my head based on my experience and what I hear on here. So for me it’s 14 days (the time it took me last time for withdrawals to go, sleep to settle, everything to settle and me to feel ‘normal’); 53 days to go above my longest ever sober stretch; 6 months as that’s when people say things really begin to change; 2 years to start being a ‘sober person’ (in one sense, you know what I mean).

The group I still read and post occasionally, I just want to re-join it having gone through this first mini-stage and being at a point where I’m beginning to face the longer term issues, rather than the immediate withdrawaly bits.

I’m also going to launch a new group/thread at six weeks (the six weeks to six months thread) as my experience and, from watching others, it’s a real danger time. Just me mixing it up and keeping fresh.

That’s my reasoning, it makes perfect sense to me 😂

Glad I’m working from home today, it’s pouring out, cats and dogs.

Have a good day


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