Does it really keep getting better?
 

3 weeks sober and proud of it.
Over 10 years of pretty much everyday drinking roughly 12 beers give or take some spirits or wine.
People here with lots more sober time than i keep saying it gets better. What can i expect to get better. More to the point at what time frames did people look back and realize that it was the best decision they ever made.
Keeping motivated..
Thanks

Yes I can assure you my friend it really does get better...
And better and better
I'm feeling so much better at just over 7 months ..I'm not craving a drink anymore
I went on my first holiday an was nervous and it did trigger me a bit but I pushed on through that and had a brilliant time
There is no time date, It just falls into place
Like when I quit I dreaded the weekends so much ...I never seen the transaction taking place where suddenly I loved my weekends
Taking my daughter to the cinema .. shopping
Binging on Netflix
It's a gradual process but so so worth it
Stick with it
You will reap the benefits of being sober in no time
All the luck in the world
Cara x

3rd day in i didnt wake up with a hangover- things already got better.

time frames vary by person and the depth they sunk.


cant say when i thought getting sober( and getting help to do that, look at the underlying issues, and learn how to live life on lifes terms) but i know when i was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma about 11 months in i was dam greatful to be sober as long as i had.

Hey there,
I would definately say that it keeps getting better! Although as we know at is one day at a time. Personally i think there are dips in my emotional sobriety at times but it light years ahead of where i was close to 18 months ago. Life doesn't stop because we get sober but if we continue to do the things that we do to stay sober there is no reason why are lives can't continue to improve and be amazing.
God Bless

Yes.

At least, that’s been my experience.

At what point did I look back upon my choice of sobriety as the best choice of my life?

I can’t really even recall them all.

I know that year 1 was really a challenge.... but things did get better.

Year 2 brought new surprises and deeper work to be done on myself.... but still it got better despite some tough times.

Year 3 I started really coming to terms with my depression and anxiety and working toward a better understanding of and work on it all. Still, things got better.

Year 4 I felt like I blossomed a lot... finally felt truly and deeply aware of myself and really quite good about myself despite still struggling with depression.

Year 5 is nearly a full year and things do keep getting better... on every level.

But also it’s taken continuously going deeper - in sobriety, in life, in purpose, in giving, in service, in building a rich, full life.

None of which would be happening without my sobriety.

Your experience will be your own - but if you commit yourself not only to sobriety but to ever-deepening sobriety and the creation of a meaningful life..... it will get better and better and better.

Oh and as for ‘what can I expect’....

Don’t worry to much about that. You’ll be amazed at how unexpected all the awesomeness will be!!

Just being sober improves a lot of things. Addition by subtraction.

From there it varies person to person, situation to situation. Like a lot of life you get out what you put in.

B

I drank for 20 years - I started to feel better at 3 months and to feel my life was getting back in order.

Some people feel better before that, some later but I still think it's a pretty good deal :)

D

Hi finalcall.
"Does it really keep getting better?"
The answer is YES.
Over 20 years drinking too.
After a few months feeling way better.

One thing is for sure : if you go back and keep drinking it will get alot worse...

Yes! It gets better but you've got to stay sober! If you drink you'll start the cycle all over, and that's miserable. Google kindling and you'll find out why withdrawal gets worse the more you go thru it. :(

I was extremely ill when I quit drinking at 39. I turned 42 yesterday with 2 and a half yrs sober.

I could pinpoint specifics or times when things got better, or somehow changed or elaborate on the gradually smoothing out of the roller coaster that was my life drunk.

Instead, like AA suggests when sharing our experience, strength and hope- I'm going to be specific about that last one.

The hope part is m answer to YES it all gets better. Better meaning... clearer, as far as everything from making good choices to seeing reality as it actually is. Meaning easier because I am honest and knowing right from wrong isn't skewed. Joyful because I don't suffer from the shame, regret and other terrible consequences from my behavior and poor choices.

Physically, I am beyond fortunate that I not only didn't die, but until a back injury three months ago had gotten into e best health and shape of my life. Coming back from that is something I only get to do because I got sober in the first place.

Emotionally I can have good relationships and deserve them. Spiritually, I know that my higher power is he reason I am here and have the life I do now.

Easier because it is a REAL life, better because whatever happens now, I can deal with it- and have others who love me to help me, and vice versa. I could keep going about recovery being he best backdrop of a life I could ever want, but I hope it's obvious.

Every day for the past 4.5 years--well, after the few weeks of complete mocus and crap. But even then, glad to be out of hell.

And in more and more ways every new day.

Yes, it definitely keeps getting better, and by being sober, I've been able to work on deeper underlying issues that I drank to cover up.

IME, it got better almost immediately. I had a week of sleeping badly, but the compensation was not being hungover, having overall clearer thinking (still foggy here and there, but overall better), and the huge feeling of relief that I was finally doing something about my drinking.

At 8 weeks, my body felt like a switch flipped, and all the exercising I was doing in recovery made a sudden and impressive impact. I began to build muscle and lost my wine belly and that really gave me a huge motivational lift, health-wise.

All the while, my job situation improved, my finances improved, my confidence improved...

At 6 months, I began to struggle occasionally with social anxiety. But still it was better than drinking. I could face the issues calmly, and start looking into ways to address it. It went away after about a year.

At 12-15 months, I began to dig into the meaning of my life and how to contribute to a better world. A lot of deep issues came up over the following months. Some really tricky emotional times followed ... struggling with work and wondering whether to continue with my job. Still it was better than drinking! I found a new path and now I'm enjoying it. There are still twists and turns, but I can deal with them.

Why is it always better to be sober? Because I have HOPE that I can find a way through. When I was drinking, I was slowly losing hope for a better future.

Thanks for the comments

Yes it's true.

I am now in a far better place than I was at the start.
My recovery is a very slow story exacerbated by other issues.

I drank at 3 months and this put my recovery back to the start not just by the clock they call it kindling.
I had to go through the bad stuff all over again.
Don't make that mistake. I tried it and got the full face slap as payment.

Stay strong and keep going one step at a time👌

For me, my mood stabilized after 6 or 8 months, and that's what I need to "get better" because I was all over the place in early sobriety. Crying, angry, up and down constantly. But I knew it was worth it from Day 1. No more hangovers, no more shame and guilt over things I had done, no more self hate.

Give yourself more time to heal. This is a huge change your body, mind and soul is going through! It is worth it, I promise you...

I think things do get better as each day passes but it's when I get to around 3 months that I get a spring in my step and think to myself, wow, what a difference!

Just another note- I considered myself in early sobriety for a long time. A year and a half or so. If you look at people's notes above, there is similarity to the timelines for change- all the "better" takes time. More than we want it to for sure!

Like others said, staying sober and working on ourselves is the path to better.

Have to agree with the others, month 3 it got better. You do have to do the work though and deal with your fears and issues as they pop up but your ability to cope with life without that crutch gets stronger as you go along and before you know it, you'll realise a week has gone by without thinking about drinking. Could never have said that 11 months ago.

I do not know yet when its get better as i m early stages but its not worse ... there is a saying i like by guitting i closed the gate to hell although gates to paradise are not still open ... recovery as people say it is a long hardous process but this is the only way ... j think with support of family its easier ... hard if you are doing alone ... but there are places like SR ... and i go to AA to mix with like minded people or call a friend ... it is better for me as ..as much i can be anxious or depressed i can choose the way how to deal with emotion ... walk the street with respect ... while if i drink i d be locked in the house crying and not being able to function as alcohol brings me nothing but misery and awful guilt , despair , depression worse than sadness i expierience when sober so keep on going ... the gate to paradise one they open ... i know it in my heart xxxD

Even my bad days don't compare to how miserable I was when drinking.

Yes it does. Nothing is to be gained from being an addict. It's not how life should be lived.

There will be ups and downs, and suffering is guaranteed for all of us. But giving in to our addiction to alcohol is a waste of the only life we have. That's the bottom line.

Thanks for this thread. At 3 and a half months sober struggling today and this is what I needed.

Try to go do something that you would 'talk about' doing while drinking. I used to have a lot of "I want to(s).." when drunk,but would feel like garbage and never do them. Now I'll shoot up to the mountains,lake,ect..with no worry of a dui and the extra $$ saved from not living that lifestyle anymore sure helps out too.

At first the 'things getting better' just passively happened. Rather like my hand feels better when I stop hitting it with the hammer. :)

That only got me so far, as it leveled off in a few months. But, being sober puts me in a position to make my life better.

I seize that opportunity, and do.


:ring

Nonsensical, you hit the nail on the head with that one. Very well put. I agree. After three weeks of sobriety, I'm just beginning to do things that make my life better rather than just stopping what made me feel like cr*p. Great post.

When I went to rehab, they had a placard on the wall of the main meeting room. What it said seemed to be ridiculously optimistic to me when I first read it. In time, I was told that these were the ninth step promises from AA's big book.

After leaving rehab I reluctantly started going to AA meetings, despite the aversion of becoming one of those poor souls who had to spend their days in church basements drinking bad coffee to avoid drinking again. Then I got a sponsor, who walked me through the steps and explained them and the principles of the program. In the years since, I have come to see that these promises are just that - promises... predicated upon my willingness to work the steps every day, and to remain teachable when life throws me curveballs.

These are the ninth step promises, which can be found on page 83 & 84:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among
us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

I didn’t respond to this when I saw it at first because I don’t like expectations and I think that the point is, you can’t have any. Life is still life, and thus still has ups and downs. So, expect that. But there are some really good responses here and, as SR goes, this has turned into a really good conversation.

The vain part of me was really looking forward to stopping drinking, and six months later, I would be a babe. All the alcohol I wasn’t drinking would mean weight would fall off of me, I would be an overnight magically gorgeous and smarter person.

That was instant gratification, addict thinking and expecting on my part.

It’s like those memes, the ones that say “what I think my job is going to be like, what my friends think I do, what my parents think I do, what my boss thinks I do, what I actually do” - in a way. Hopefully you’ve seen those or you’ll have no idea what I’m talking about, hahaha.

It depends on who you are and what you put into it.

But, there are some things, all small things, and over time they add up, and become part of you, and you have to do the work so they happen.

I never drive with a fear of killing someone or getting a dui anymore. I rarely drove drunk, I thought.... except, now that I think about it, I always did. That’s a nasty little alcoholic lie I told myself.

I never wake up with an internal assessment of how hung over am I, can I go to work today, if I can is it going to suck, uh oh what did I say on Facebook last night, did I call anyone, did I text anyone, did I buy anything, etc.

I’m now at the point where alcohol in social situations doesn’t control me anymore. Thanks to the people here, I took my time on that one. I saw many people, myself included, Time after time in early sobriety (by which I mean the first year, not the first three days) try to white knuckle through alcohol events and ultimately fail. When I started to be really solid with myself as a person who just intrinsically doesn’t drink, when it became second nature not to, I was able to be around normies again. I don’t hang around alcoholics drinking because that’s just not fun.

Which brings me to - what is fun has changed. Walking my dog is fun. Caring for my house is fun. My work is fun. Road trips are fun. Coffee shops are fun. Art projects are fun. Playing my guitar is fun. Grounded conversations with friends are fun. Reading mystery novels is fun. Waking up early and baking a surprise batch of cookies for my coworkers on a random Tuesday is fun.

Slowly, I realized that alcoholism is studded with drama that’s gone now. Dramatic outbursts of anger, sadness, excessive praise, overexuberence, etc. Really. I’m a passionate person and always will be, but some of that stuff is just over the top and much of it is... not real. When your life is revolved around alcohol much of it is inauthentic. It’s what happens when your feelings are scripted by a substance.

I’m a week or so away from two years in. I am down almost 50 pounds now but I’m not a babe (yet!) I’m taking on more responsibilities at work, am getting promoted, I’m more thoughtful, dependable, rational, and reasonable, I’m healthier, and I have more money. I work late sometimes and drive home at bar hours, past cops, all the time. The other day I found myself thinking, poor guy, there’s not a coffee place open near here, and he’s just parked watching to protect us from idiots. (?!?!?!?) I can’t imagine old bexxed being anything but terrified, gripping the wheel, wondering what the speed limit was, closing one eye to make sure I stayed in the lines.

I wake up rested most days and go outside in the morning sun to drink coffee and throw the ball for my dog, then we go for a long walk. I do wear sunglasses, my eyes were always just light sensitive as it turns out, but there’s no throbbing headache anymore, unless, of course, I’m coming down with something.

So it comes down to being alive. This is what being alive is for me, now. I hear it gets better. I don’t know what that’s like because I’ve never been five, ten, twenty years sober. I’ve only been almost two years sober. But I do know what it’s like to not be sober. I know what day one feels like and it took many, many day ones to get to day seven hundred and whatever this day is. There’s a lot I don’t know. I don’t know where we go when we die, I don’t know how astrophysics works, or how to fold a fitted sheet. But I know that drinking is worse, and day zero is a place I never want to be again. Fortunately, it’s up to me. xoxo

In Gratitude

bexxed

This post is a great example of 'the promises' - every body has a different version of the gifts of sobriety depending on the work they put into it and the vagaries of life. But I have never heard someone say "I wish I had never gotten sober - my life sucks now."

The closing line is really important too, it's a chicken/egg thing about 'good' sobriety: learning to be grateful for another sunrise becomes a part of who we are. It becomes a force behind our choices, and we come to see that not drinking is not enough - we need to do something with the gift of our days. Having gotten sober in Dec 2009, I can speak to years 3-8... I have made more friends than I ever had before, my career is exciting, I went back to college at 52, and most amazing and humbling of all: I got married for the first time to a truly fabulous woman at the ripe old age of 49.

Thanks for a great post bexxed.