You might remember me
 

I was here a couple of months ago. I was afraid quitting drinking would trigger drug cravings , we'll that's what happened. I got some benzodiazepines from a friend to help with detox and they only made me want to drink. They made me depressed. Then this past week after two years without using drugs I spent $700 on drugs. I deleted the dealers number this morning but I don't know what to do now about my addictions. Trying to stop only made it worse. For now my plan is simply to stick to drinking and don't do any more drugs.

My problem is I don't feel like my life has any purpose. I'm not close to my family, I don't have many friends, I don't do anything meaningful with my time, I feel like I'm only passing time in life so why not drink or get high. I'm not suicidal but death would be a relief from this meaningless life.

What would make your life meaningful?

I'm sorry you got to this point but drinking isn't a solution.

I quit drinking without any medicines. I don't have any family, and only a couple friends at that time. I mean, you have to create friendships and meaning.

I went from drinking 12-20 ounces of hard liquor every day down to two ounces the next day. One ounce on day two and a half-shot on day three. In the interest of full disclosure I didn't know that *could* be dangerous, but that's how I quit and I was okay. It wasn't easy and I was a hot mess for a couple weeks, but - I haven't had a drink in over 4 years.

How about rehab? If you can't do it on your own, help is out there.

I'm not one of these I lost my house, family, career etc because of drinking. Those things were already gone. There's nothing to recover. The only reason I could see to quit would be to have a relationship in my life but they never worked out for me and besides the occasional loneliness I don't think I really want a relationship.

Gotta start somewhere, right?

Drugs and alcohol will cause or worsen depression, have you talked to a doctor?

Working a recovery program (such as the 12 steps of AA) will completely change the way you think about life, the world, yourself, the meaning of life and much more beyond. The reason it’s required for an alcoholic/addict is exactly as you describe. It’s not possible to predict how you’ll feel until it works. My experience is exactly as written in the AA promises. It’s a truly beautiful thing that I’m so grateful for. Millions have probably felt exactly as you feel now. There is a solution you’ve just got to want it badly enough and be willing to do what’s required. For as long as there’s excuses to rationalise drinking then recovery is not possible. Rigorous honesty, willingness, and an open mind is all that's required to recover.

And yet here you are on a recovery website, where all we talk about is giving up our addictions...

I think you have more fight left in you than you are willing to admit.

Yes the drugs have made me depressed but the meaningless feeling is always there. I'm not always depressed

I tried rehab, it doesn't work for me. It triggers me around other alcoholics and addicts

I don't exactly have a depression problem besides what the drugs have done to me and I don't see how a doctor would help. Obviously pills aren't good for me

Well, what ARE you willing to do? So far none of our ideas are any good. :lmao:

What are your ideas for stopping? You can do it. I didn't go to rehab. I did go to AA meetings for a couple/three months - but I had already quit and didn't have a particularly hard time staying quit.

I don't know. I've had a lot of bad experiences with people and aa and rehab is full of psychopaths and sociopaths. 90% of psychopaths are drug addicts. I don't want to expose myself to these people anymore, I don't have the patience for them.

Laura, I'm sorry you are in such a bad spot right now.. believe me, things CAN get better. A feeling of "meaninglessness" is a big symptom of depression.

Many of us have been there. Drink because you are anxious or sad (unconsciously "medicating" yourself). Then the alcohol makes anxiety and depression worse, you drink more, it gets worse. It's a vicious cycle.

You can get off this drinking drugs sadness misery treadmill. There's a beautiful life waiting for you out there. Give yourself a chance.

Maybe a good reason to quit drinking is because it gets in the way of you having a good relationship with yourself. Sometimes, it just comes down to that. My history of relationships is pretty bad too, so I can relate to that. The only relationship I have control over is the relationship I have with myself. My plans now are to do what I can to improve the quality of my life, and drinking definitely gets in the way of this. So, what can you do now to improve the quality of your life? I do a lot of things by myself, but it helps me to see a purpose to living. I go to the gym. I go to movies. I just got back from a road trip. Got another one planned in a few weeks.
I hope you don't give up on having relationships, cause it sure helps a lot. But in the meantime, be your own best friend and treat yourself the way you would treat others. Take care. John

Hi Laura,

I know that alcohol made me depressed and stuck in my life, going nowhere. I did need to talk to my dr about depression and get medication for it. I think that writing off all pills as being bad might be a bit much. Anti-depressants simply level the playing field for me, and give me a chance to 'be'. However, they may not be for you.

One thing I know is that I had to do a lot of soul-searching in early recovery but I didn't have much of interest in my life either. Journaling might help you to discover things you are interested in. Volunteering in your community could be a great opportunity to do something for others and for yourself.

For now I have multiple addictions going on. If I can stop the pills and crack and stabilize on alcohol it's a start

Simply google "addiction center" tons will pop up in your area, and give them a call! :c011:

Its scary to think about giving everything up at once, but for me, thats the only way that worked.

It might 'feel worse' for a little while, depending on how addicted you are, but it gets better :)

Think about a recovery action plan this time perhaps, Laura.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html

Stopping only part of the problem is like fighting a forest fire by focusing on one tree.

D

I am currently in Rehab and this place is not full of sociopaths and phsycopaths, just a bunch of really good people who are serious about their recovery. I have also had a lot of bad experiences with people but for me sitting at home and labelling the world as bad and people as mean and untrustworthy got me nowhere, and after a month here I can see how wrong I was. I hope you give yourself a chance and the world a chance too, there are good people out there and you will find a purpose if you open your heart and mind to true recovery.