Gabe's Thread
 

Hi Everyone....

I've been a member of SR since August 2017 and I've learned so much from this site and the people here. I am very grateful for that.

I'm having difficulty staying sober and have relapsed several times after 6-8 weeks. I becoming aware of why this is happening and I want to commit my all to getting and STAYING sober. My drinking is becoming more irratic and dangerous. I need to make recovery my number 1 priority. Not just now, on day 1 but everyday, or I will never make it past 8 weeks.

So here I am....broken and a bit frightened......on my last day 1. I commit to posting on this thread everyday and I appreciate all your support. Gabe xxx:thanks

I think this thread is a very good idea. How about joining in some of the other ongoing threads as well? Like the Class of July, the 24 Hour thread, the One Year and Under thread, Weekenders, or the many other special interest threads like gardening, sports, motorcycles, recipes, or whatever you fancy.

It has to be the first thing I think about and the last thing every day. My sobriety is the most important thing I have - but it's like a fragile flower at times in the beginning and has to be nurtured.

For me, this is a daily discipline. Don't pick up a first drink, keep my side of the road swept clean of resentments and other destructive emotions, and try to stay in this moment.

Thanks Bimini. I need to take more responsibility. I post on the 24 hour thread but had drifted away the last couple of weeks. I have a pattern of feeling much better and then allowing a distance to grow between me and the things I orginally prioritised in the first couple of weeks. I need to work on my work/life balance too and make time for what is really important. I already feel like I'm on borrowed time....I don't know how many more drunks I will survive....this HAS to be the most important thing xxx

Hi Gabe. I also think your thread is a good idea, along with BB's suggestion of participating in some of the other forums. Just recently I have started to branch out to other forums other than the 24hr and Newcomers. I am really enjoying it and find it further reinforces my sobriety.

Congratulations on declaring your last Day 1. :grouphug:

Thanks Rar. I have really looked into the rest of SR properly. I think I'm going to post on the weekend thread as my cravings have been really bad the last couple of weekends but it would also be good to join something fun!

I agree, Gabe - very good idea. I'm so glad you're here.
Celebrating your last Day 1! :)

Go Gabe! Let this be the one!

Thank you folks, it's so good to have the support. Finishing my last day 1. Feeling anxious and uncertain about everything but I'll keep coming here xxx

Good decision Gabe :)

D

Glad you started this thread Gabe!

Day 2

Feeling horrible, genuinely awful. Scared and emotional. Second night of very little sleep but made it to work. I have good friends here who make me laugh so it's better than being alone.

I want the fear to last but I am aware that it doesn't. I need to be prepared for for when I start to feel ok again. I am going to write a letter to myself explaining how I have felt and am feeling now. I really never, ever want to go through this again.

I spend most of yesterday making my way through Rational Recovery and feel ready (finally) to make my Big Plan. AVRT makes so much sense to me but my AV is so subtle and insidious at times, that I don't always catch it. Practice needed. Fear fulled action. Lots of fear.

I'm so grateful to be able to come hear.

Have a good day everyone xx

Welcome to Day 2 Gabe. Yes, it's going to be a tough day, but you can do it. We're here for you. Stay close to SR and don't give up. :grouphug:

Welcome to Day 2! You can do this! I'd run to SR when I had my cravings. I'd post, or make a thread, just a place to vocalize (in words) my feelings and SR would carry me through it.

You got this!

Gabe, hey, it sounds like you've got the beginnings of a great plan. I'd suggest you keep doing what you just did, which is to come here and post how you are feeling. Especially in times when the AV is talking.

If you're in doubt about your ability to shout down your AV, or if you're in doubt about whether it's the one doing the talking, come here and throw the question to the forum. How do you feel? What's going on?

You can get some good feedback, and that can help your head stay clear in times of doubt and stress.

Best of luck!

Congrats on Day 2! I completely understand what you wrote about the fear not lasting. It's amazing how short-term our memories can be. I can't tell you how many times I've vowed to never touch alcohol again in the depths of a hangover only to pick up a drink just days later. If you recall, I wrote on my thread that it's around Day 4 that I start getting cravings. Let's both try to get through this week!

Hey, thank you. That's exactly what I plan on doing. I'm really just learning about my AV and hadn't realised that it creeps up on me and stears me away from my own mindset. It's a gradual think that's happened over a couple of week and it's not about 'I want to drink' thoughts, it's sneakier than that. It convinces me that I don't need help to stay sober, that I've nailed it.....then boom!!! :scared:

I think I finally get how to use this forum properly. Duh!......it's about time. I'm making it my business to know my AV the way it knows me. Intimately and with an agenda to destroy.

Hey Dunc, yeah the first week is always make or break. If you know day four gets you then put a plan in place for extra support. I really would recommend reading Rational Recovery, if you want to get started in helping yourself now. I know everyone has different ways and methods for staying sober but I think this is the one I can use in a way that makes sense to me. I'm also pulling together all the things I have tried the last few months to support my well-being. I'll pop over and see you on your thread......:thanks :lmao

Big Plan made :c011:

I've been reading reading about it the last week and the words just fell out of me today. I had planned on doing this when I got home but I was walking along the road and it was just time to say it. Today is the first day I have felt a genuine rage at alcohol. I don't know why as lots of awful things have happened but I suppose it was like it was my fault, there was nothing wrong with the booze. There is EVERYTHING wrong with it.

I just need to make it my business to know my AV inside out, to catch it at it's first whisper and to beat it into submission.

Thank you everyone for your posts. It's a great relief to know I won't feel like this again. It truly has been a frightening few days. Love Gabe xxx

Gabe - I love the idea of writing a letter describing the misery you've gone through. Time does dim the memory of how horrible it was. We can never forget. Congrats on Day 2 - very proud of you. :)

day 2 :c014:

D