The weekend fun drunk dad!
 

6 am Monday...eyes open sweating and shivering in the fetal position...close my eyes hoping the next 60 minutes take an eternity.

6:50 am Monday... I realize my daughter will come see me on the couch at 7:10am...must throw 4 to 6 empty beer cans crushed and spilled around my bloated corpse in the garbage on top of the other 12 filling the garbage. I must also create artificial garbage to throw on top in case my wife opens the garbage and over flowing empty cans spill out on to the floor creating that sickening clank I know all to welI. I wait until my wife starts blow drying her to pull the massive bag of empty beer cans out of the garbage can... a symphony of misery and failure all clanking together.
7 am Monday and the sound "daddy" from my 5 year little girl is pure alcoholic hell. 3 days and 50 beers later I sweat and tremor making her grilled cheese and packing her lunch in a haze of confusion exhaustion and paranoia.

8 am Monday...I drive to work sweating and confused everyone seems to be going so fast...why is the sun so damn bright?!...my stomach is the only thing alive and I am going to puke NOW!

815 am Boss: have a good weekend?!
Me: great time with the family!
Boss: ready to get to work?!

816am-430pm Me...(dont puke and can I die today?)


I binge 18 beers on friday, 18 on Saturday and 18 on sunday and a few weeknights here and there (give the illusion you are in control) my 5 year old little girl and wife love fun weekend dad!

I'm glad you are here. Your Monday report to your boss can be much better next week, life really is so much better sober.

Take back the life you deserve buddy. A life without booze gives you so much.

Welcome to SR, Matt. I hope you find as much help and support throughout the forum as I have. You NEVER have to front up to work on a Monday morning feeling like that again. Stay close and keep posting. :grouphug:

That's spelled "delusion".

Welcome to SR.
Best of Luck on Your Journey. :ring

We're not bad people, just sick ones
with addiction. You, we, us don't have
to try an tackle this serious, deadly,
disease on or by ourselves.


Help Is always available.


To get to it, we have to pick up the
phone and call for help. Call your doctor
for suggestions on where to enter a
recovery hospital or rehab.

You will be placing yourself into the
hands of those capable of helping you,
teaching you how to get and stay sober.

Many of us who tried to stop the insanity
that comes with addiction failed so many
times and couldn't get off the merry go round
till we finally sought help.

Once you receive the tools and knowledge
of your addiction and a recovery program
to use as a guideline for living s sober life
then you will finally be free.

No one ever has to die from this deadly,
crippling disease that affects so many.

Ask for help and suggestions to guide
in the right direction in achieving
a healthy, happy sober life so you don't
have to this alone.

As always, we are here for you with
support, care and understanding.:)

Thanks for sharing with us Matt. Your post struck a nerve with this old dad. In the blink of an eye your baby girl will be graduating high school and you'll be left with regret for the time you wasted and weren't present for her. There's nothing in those 50+ empty beer cans that enhances your life, as you well know when you wake up on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. What there is is regret and wasted time. Which turns into wasted weeks, months, and years. Before you know it your 50 years old, looking back at what could have been, and what should have been. All for the sake of ingesting a poison that destroys your body. It's insanity.

Welcome! I’m sure your family would love “fun weekend dad” even more without the two cases of beer!

I remember back when my son would watch me drinking beer . You never know how your actions will affect your children as he began drinking too . He added drugs to the mix and one night we found him laying half way out of his car with his head on the payment. I thought he was dead. Fortunate for us he was just passed out however the next day I had him packed up and off to a treatment center in Florida for a month. He did ok for a while and then started drinking again. To my surprise at the beginning of this year he calls me and says, " Dad I have been sober now for 465 days!"...... His testimony is what planted a seed in my head to stop drinking. I hope your addiction does not wean off into your little girl. There is no pain greater than knowing you had an influence on your child in the wrong way. I hope you can get help and be a good example to her.

I'm glad I don't have to live like that - you don't have to either. Glad you are here.

Hello, Matt9880

I read one time that as a practicing alcoholic, we affect 72 different lives; wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, children, in-laws, friends, employers, judges, lawyers, hospitals, doctors, etc., that they stand back and helplessly watch us destroy ourselves. Even though we deceive ourselves and think they don't know, they know. If you have this disease, it'll progressively get worse. As my alcoholism progressed, it took me places I thought I'd never go. I did things I didn't think I was capable of doing. So I really identify with the hiding cans, counting cans, putting trash on top, and the energy I expended trying to cover it up. Alcoholism thrives in secrecy. I got sober through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and by the grace of God, I don't have to live that way anymore. My youngest son still kind of watches me. He's the one who really suffered the most at the end of my drinking. He sometimes refers to me as the "new mom." My family is very proud of me, and I'm proud of myself. My sons will laugh at how many times I caught the stove on fire. They'll lovingly tell everyone to stand back, mom is in the kitchen. Thank you for sharing what you shared.

This is such a powerful post Matt9880. As a father of a young child I know the guilt, shame, and anger of choosing drink over family. I recently had a stumble but am now dedicated to lifelong sobriety more than ever. We never have to live your original story again. My kids will not grow up knowing drunk dad. Alcoholism runs on both sides of my family but I Will break the chain. You can too. Make the choice to start now. These forums are a great place to start and find some amazing support.

I HIGHLY doubt this. This is all AV.

Do you know about the concept?

That was my dad when I was five, too!

When I was seven my parents divorced and my world was shattered.

On my 16th birthday my dad died while mowing the lawn at his house. No one was there to call for help. They say it was his heart. I suspect all the clanking cans were the actual cause. He was 41.

Matt - that is my story with some minor details changes like wine/vodka instead of beer and a son instead of a daughter.

My drinking also spiraled out to including days during the week, even at work towards the end, very recently.

"a symphony of misery and failure all clanking together" - beautifully put, tragic and pathetic at the same time. I know that pain.

There's plenty of support and wisdom here. Question is, Do you you have a plan?

I got the impression the comment about wife and daughter loving weekend dad was made with sarcasm rather than thinking they are genuinely happy with the situation...

If sobriety is the choice you make Matt then good on you, great community here to help you get through it, lots of support and advice and others that have walked a mile in your shoes so a lot of understanding and no judgement. Best of luck x

Welcome!

I bet they would enjoy Fun SOBER weekend Dad so much more :) So would you

Those types of vivid descriptions bring back horrific memories. I always enjoy reading them because it scares me back into knowing I cannot drink. You don't have to go through that again if you embrace sobriety, right?

Welcome Matt (haha, 'welcome mat'!) and thank you for sharing. I know it had to be painful for you to relive that snippet of a typical weekend but you took the first step in putting the raw, ugly truth out there, which says to me you are ready to face this thing and to change. And the awesome thing is that you can be free from that hell starting right now.

Your story resonated with me in so many ways, especially the insanity of sneaking around to hide the evidence. I mostly bought my beer in glass bottles because it was easier to muffle the "psst" of the twist top vs the "Ca-Crack"! of a can. I'd slink to the fridge for another and stick it down my pants, being sure to hold my ipad in front as I retreated back to my office, away from the watchful eyes of my teenage sons. Empties were squirreled in every orifice of my office until daytime when I was alone, at which point I'd hide them inside other bags of garbage and out to the pail. I always left some in the recycle bin, hoping that everyone would assume that was all I really drank.

Each time I lied, deceived, or snuck around to drink my self esteem eroded more. In many ways the cumulative shame of my dishonesty is the most painful part of all--and as you know, our drinking problem created A LOT of other pain, both physical and emotional.

I've had many false starts and have quit for extended times in the past only to pick up again. Today I'm on day 12 of sobriety, but it feels so different this time. For the first time EVER I made a commitment to myself, and I made a PLAN to help me stop. For me the most valuable tool is having a list of activities and actions I can take when that wave of craving hits. I used to fear those moments when the beast would come whispering in my ear "come on, have a drink"! because I never knew if I'd give in or not. I felt powerless over the cravings--kind of like that corny lyric from the Katy Perry song, I felt "Like a plastic bag drifting through the wind". But now I have ammunition for the beast. I feel prepared, and not so scared for when the cravings come.

And they do come. But I know over time they will come less and less, and in addition to learning to ride those waves home instead of letting them wipe me out, they will also slowly but surely change from the hurricane strength white-caps of early sobriety to tiny ripples in a serene pond.

Keep coming here Matt, it's amazing!

Great honest post Matt and lots of us can relate to that never ending Friday - Sunday spiral. The weekend is almost upon us and here's hoping it's a sober one for you.

My kids are all in their 20's, I'm over 5 years sober and now they all come home most Saturday nights for dinner and drinks. I DD them all home at the end of the night and wake up Sunday feeling pretty blessed at where my life is now compared to then.

Hang in there.

Chris