the neurological basis of my alcoholism
 

It was in the same part of my brain responsible for lack of effective coping mechanisms.

:13:

Mine too. Every time something happens that I can't or won't deal with the bottle is what I run to. This weekend my in laws were here. Which is fine. I like them. But i was just coming off a 2 day binge and my 15 year old was quiet and subdued. Which is NOT like him. When he finally opened up about what was wrong he said I just feel like we are acting like everything is ok and it's not. That really got me. So how do I deal with it? Exactly the wrong way. Because it's all I know. 😳

And you confirmed this with a neurologist? Or was it self-diagnosed?

I personally found that why I am an alcoholic is a lot less important than the fact that I am one. You have started many vague/theoretical threads about the origin of your issue with alcohol, is that perhaps because you haven’t accepted it yet?

My neurologist is also board-certified in psychiatry.
That was what he said.
I agree with the assessment.

When I look at when I drank, it was often related to work stress and a desire to relax or check out. Mix too many bad days with a highly addictive substance that messes with brain chemicals and you get chaos and disaster. One thing I learned about the alcohol loop is that the alcohol creates a stressor that is only relieved by adding more alcohol. Learning that alcohol didn't help me cope with the bad days, in my almost 6 months away from it, I have been able to better handle my work stress (which has not changed. I did).

That was my experience too.

Whatever stops us from putting the bottle to lip is all that matters to me at this point.

Which also means intellectualizing it, as you are wont to do, can be of aid. For me, it often is. I see my addiction to alcohol as also a component of the part of me that seeks out the stress and heightened state of being in a jam, the thrill of doing the wrong thing and getting away with it - this adolescent but powerful urge to disappoint. Lots of sh-t up there in that head.

But what also work is just saying f--k off to the Beast and getting on to the next.

So now that you have that answered, what is the next step?

Self-sabotage was a particular indulgence of mine, however perverse. An ineffective coping mechanism, but one nevertheless.

Besides not drinking, I'm not sure a next step is necessary.

Indeed. Very very effective mechanism of avoidance as well. And a real addiction.

Wish I could say self-sabotage "was" an indulgence. Even with the booze down, old habits, hard to quit.

following on from your first post, developing effective coping mechanisms might be a useful next step :)

My tendency to procrastinate preceded my alcoholism, and still exists. In that respect, alcoholism masked an underlying issue. Hence, lack of effective coping mechanisms. Remove the alcohol, and the underlying issue is exposed for what it is.

Yes - what is been brought to the forefront for me during this last round of struggles at staying sober and therapy is just how dangerous and deep the addiction to procrastinate runs.

The word itself has such an innocuous ring to it. Like putting off the call to grandma. But it is a life ruiner.

I find exercise and hobbies pretty effective. I’ve grown tiresome of meetings, but I still go. Lately it just doesn’t seem like a productive use of time.

But alas, I'm not drinking, which in itself, is an effective coping strategy by virtue of eliminating one that wasn't.

welp, ya started with:
It was in the same part of my brain responsible for lack of effective coping mechanisms.

then:
I agree with the assessment.

sooo, its not necessary to learn coping mechanisms then?

see permalink #16.

why "alas"?

I'm not sure whether eliminating an ineffective coping strategy makes for an effective coping strategy in itself - doesn't it just bring you back to where you started?

what issues do you have trouble coping with? if you can identify them then you can develop particular strategies to deal with them. family, finances, relationships, career ... ?

exercise & hobbies are great for general well-being & for avoiding boredom that may have been a trigger, but they don't necessarily address specific issues.

I can’t find redress or reprieve from existential malaise.

I would work on developing a coping strategy for that then :D

I find respite when I step off of the hamster wheel in my cranium and listen to my soul.

and now your left with everything that requires coping strategies.
which in simple terms is learning to live life on lifes terms.

Everyone has to live life on life’s terms, both inside and out of recovery circles.
I’d need effective coping strategies, alcoholism aside.
Conflating the business of life with the business of recovery confounds both the business of life and the business of recovery.

I suppose there is respite in mindfulness. I will give that a shot. Thank you for the suggestion, nez.

Mindfulness works. But beware of anything that smells fake or people trying to sell you something just because it is a fancy label.

I really never justified my drinking. But my then significant other would give me books and articles to delicately indicate that I need to address a problem. He even initiated counseling. The councilor however decided it was all my fault. He is a baptist, not wanting to bash him right off the bat he was very judgemental and it made it worse.

He pretty much told my partner of 15 years that he should leave me. He did.

But one of the articles that appeared and my boyfriend at the time left on my desk was from a scientific magazine was about certain populations such as where I was born, having a gene that is tied to alcoholism and impulsiveness. I am sure I have it but does that knowledge help my recovery?

People have free choice.

Recovery = do it or die. It can be manageable but it can be hard.

My aunt and uncle died from alcohol and I am enjoying lovely sunshine today and really do not want to upset you with details, in the end it was what they chose to do or not to do!

I know from this forum that most if not all of you are making better choices and wonderful progress. Children, family, relationships, rebuilding careers, letting the sun kiss your face and listening to the rain.

Stay strong!!! It is a beautiful world out there.

Mindfulness is a technique. It's not something I have to purchase from a snake oil salesman.

I've been increasingly inclined to trade in recovery for simple abstinence. Not sure if recovery--and its attendant hyperbole--is what I need. As I said earlier, much of my recovery is simply the business of living life without alcohol.

For me mindfulness is as close to "what is" (AKA acceptance) as I get. The further away from it I get, the more filters and judgements occur which starts the constructions process of blockages.

reads like you have it all figured out and are just trying to show everyone how much smarter you are than either all of us or alcoholism.
best of luck to ya.

I don't think that's fair to say. I'm not sure how you would infer that from anything I've said.

I'm trying to figure out coping strategies for some of the reasons that led me to the bottle in the first place.

I attribute my alcoholism, at least in part and parcel, to my inability to cope with the unpleasantries of life. How can I best cope, is the relevant issue. Does the answer lie in simple abstinence, or in the myriad of layers recovery entails? It's a fair question, I think, tomsteve.