back at day 1
 

Had a relapse yesterday, I've had very many of those in the past. With no aparent reason found myself wandering around in the alcohol department, when shopping for groceries after work. Bought a bottle of liqour and drank it all.

AV told me that my tolerance must be lower after 12 days of being sober, and I dont have to drink the whole bottle. Well it turns out It's about the same or even worse. Drank the whole (0,5L) bottle in hour and a half and headed to shop to buy two more beers. Thats alot of alcohol in very short time. I think I've never finished a bottle so fast.....So it must be true, the desease progresses even when one chooses to stay sober.

It's like I never learn. I get one drop of alcohol in me and I go on autopilot, forgetting everything (promises to my self, being sober), and just drink until I pass out.

"Luckly" I'm feeling so hungover, that tought of alcohol makes me wanna throw up, so I wont drink today. 1 day at the time..

I hear you. I had a relapse last month &like you figured it would just be a little to numb my feelings (my dad passed away in September & his b-day was last month). Bad decision-went into full blown alcoholic mode. Blackouts. Can't tell you how horrible the withdrawal was, by far one of the worst. Couldn't get out of bed. Try explaining that to your teen kids. Hubby had to do everything. He was like "you're like a person who keeps putting your finger in an electric socket over and over and not learning that you'll get the same result ".
Now I have the mentality of enough is enough,sick & tired of being sick & tired . Onward & upward!

Beer in brains out
Your body is fitter for the time off, this is a factor in tolerance.
Glad you chose to try again.
You’re learning
Take care

Glad to chose to fight again John. I hope you feel better. ((HUGS))

Glad to see you posting here J.

What is going to be different for you the next time you are compulsed to wander into the aisles of poison?

I’ve heard blinkers are going for a song these days.

All about the routine
Institutionalise yourself in to a healthy routine.

welcome back John :)

I think it's best to learn from our mistakes - make a plan based on what happened yesterday - think about all the things you could have done if you were to relive the situation.

In essence recovery is about making different choices.

D

Seems you had a pretty apparent reason for being in the alcohol aisle...to drink.

When the voice in your head starts whispering to you about drinking, another voice has to intercede with "NO."

Commit to quitting. For good. Do whatever it takes to support that decision to quit.

I think the problem with my relapses is that I never actually had a constructive plan to achive long-term soberness, other than to try and not drink for a day.

Problem is that as I string together my sober days, I tend to forget how bad my situation actually is, and go on another ride...

I should construct one now. Writing down all the reasons why I want to stay sober and how bad I feel atm. Gonna carry it between my wallet and will refer to that list, when I should feel like I'm a bout give in to the desease.

Doggonecarl, I do like your posts. :thanks

John9,
Thanks for posting this. A good reminder that this disease does not take a day off. As you start off again, have a look at the recovery plan link:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html

I think you are right, having a plan in place would really improve your odds!

oops, did you mean to link this thread? :

Recovery Plans

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...highlight=Psst

Bimini, yes lol! Thanks for fixing this!

This really sums up addiction. It's very, very tricky and tough. Quitting isn't even half the battle. It's staying quit. You learned a lesson now don't make the same mistake again!

Addiction and the AV have a huge bag of tricks that lead us into temptation and thus another drinking episode. We must recognize those tricks and understand that this time its not going to be different. Its going to be like every other time.....horrible and with consequences.

Welcome back, John.

Bim's link leads to a fantastic thread.

I had plenty of relapses like you described. Things got much worse before they finally started to get better. I had to prove to myself without a shadow of a doubt I could not drink at all under any circumstances.

Once I swallowed that pill and dug my heels in, and really started to work a program of recovery, and became honest with myself and others, I was able to overcome those autopilot relapses. Things are 1000% better now. Hope you can find the same.

John, how are you today, are you still hanging in there?

Even after a year liquor aisles/stores still give me a bit of anxiety. Bars and such I'm 'ok' in,but don't stay as long anymore. LOL

I enjoyed your post. It brought back memories of when I was new, what I had to do. I had to fully own the fatality of me and alcohol. Until I owned that taking in alcohol would actually kill me, I could not refuse the first drink. In my mind, drinking was inconvenient. And as long as it was inconvenient I would always "decide" to drink. No one twisted my arm, I made a conscious choice to take the first drink, knowing that I was doomed to drink to oblivion and behave in a manner that I would not want to print on the front page of a newspaper. No, for me it had to be fatal. And to this day, I still believe the next drink I take will kill me, not put me in the hospital with DT's, not cause me to puke, not cause me to be the person I didn't want to be. Those things may happen along the way to dying. Alcoholism, if left untreated, is fatal, unless intervened by institutionalization or incarceration. I had no success as I drank for 6 months while attending AA meetings 3-4 times a week, learning the lingo, reading the book (when I was bored), all the time attending only to save my job and "learn how to drink". Imagine my intelligence, let's go to a place where people congregate who cannot drink so I can learn "how" to drink. Insanity, right? Anyway, to the OP, best wishes. When you surrender you may find you can do it, one day at a time. I had to surrender. God Bless