Coming clean
 

I messed up last night. I thought about pretending it never happened but realized that’s been part of my problem. It happened. I threw myself a pity party after I learned my wife wouldn’t be coming back today after all. I know. Childish but my brain didn’t seem to know how to handle it and I didn’t use the tools available to me. So I’m day 1 again with a throbbing headache, swollen face, dry throat and messed up stomach.

Rip me if you need to. I deserve it.

There’s no need for us to rip you, or for you to beat yourself up.

Just get right back on the horse.

Next time you’re overwhelmed by emotions, post here first—people will rally round and talk you out of drinking.

I did and then got hit with another wave and didn’t. I know I messed up. Just feeling the regret right now.

Every time we mess up, we learn and get shrewder.

We accept less and less of our own BS! :)

from the forum description ---

The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential.


you shouldnt experience any criticism here ...

... only love and acceptance


although the old timers occasionally gave me a well needed kick in the butt when i was new :a043:


:tyou

You just found another trigger.
When the cats away the mice will play.
Prepare yourself for when this happens again.

All the ‘P’s
Proper
Planning
&Preperation
Prevents
Pi$$
Poor
Performance

Don’t beat yourself up it’s counter productive
Treat yourself like you are your best friend

Take care

I can't imagine the pain you must be going through, but there is no need to beat yourself up. A better idea is to reexamine the tools in your toolbox. For this job, they weren't enough to get the job done. Next time you'll be ready though!

I had many "I need/want to quit" attempts and would fail,stay away from here and continue drinking. Sometimes drunk lurking around the site. Once I got serious(not that you're not) about quitting, I'd do what you just did and post here about my "drank again" shenanigans. That's when I started to see my drinking thoughts/patterns and it helped me build/add to my plan(s). I still had many day ones and would go back to the drawing board of 'why' and what should I have done differently.

For me what I need to focus on this time - and I want this to be my final time - is that should something throw me off the road and I end the ditch, that I DO NOT allow the mud on my pants to convince me I am back in that hell.

I hope you forgive yourself, stiffen your back and push forward.

I know the feeling and in the past I've allowed slip-ups to become divergencies into the woods, losing myself among the poison again.

Learn something from this. Find a tool you can rely on the next time.

Post here and let us know how you are doing today.

Stay strong.

I think the ill feelings are enough punishment. Good to be honest about. That is a definite sign you want to get better

I just kind of hurt all over. Feel like a massive bruise but my head is starting to clear just a little. Managed to eat something and that’s helping. I’m going to switch it up today and go do some work at the office tonight instead of sitting in the house having a pity party.

I know that feeling all too well.
Don't beat yourself up....keep in mind that no one is perfect.
Use that feeling as a tool to help you next time you feel like drinking.

I’m very sorry about your wife.

Yeah...doing anything in early sobriety is better than staying in your head. I went to a lot of movies and really got back into the gym for the first few months after my breakup.

Good idea scout, get some good feeling back by doing something productive.

You are doing it

Small victory. Just shaved for the first time in three months. Looks and feels better. Looking like a human

HAHA! I had a 6+mo beard going and trimmed it down to stubble last week..looked/felt like a new person!

Yeah this isn’t really a sober vs using thing. I am just incredibly lazy about shaving. But I felt like I wanted to look like the change I’m trying to accomplish. So I may get better at it.

Scout I am glad you have admitted to the forum what happened. I only have two questions, and only because I don't know you or your situation. Do you have a sponsor or an accountability partner, and have you gone to a meeting? I had a sponsor and he told me to call him "before" I drank, and I went to meetings regularly. Just my experience, hope it helps. Also, when I sponsored folks I reminded them that it is not necessary to have more than one sobriety date. Best wishes, and if you can do so, make this sobriety date the one you can claim for tomorrow, and ultimately, the rest of your life. God Bless

Now do 10 pushups,10 times throughout the day. Especially when the AV hits..do 20.

Edit: yeah..my beard grows drunk or sober and I like having a bit of scruff,plus I'm lazy with shaving.