I'm a functioning alcoholic cutting down
 

Hey at 47 I've been drinking all my adult life. I've been rock bottom but have matured and not the person I once was. I was drinking every night after work few bottles of beer and a bottle of wine. I seriously want to stop drinking. Don't think I'm ready to stop completely so I have planned to allow myself a bottle of wine every Saturday evening and non alcohol beer if I crave the other evening. It's been 2 weeks. I'm amazed I've changed my mindset and it's working so far (early days I know).I'm not even thinking about the wine all day like I used to couldn't wait to get home so I could drink. I've had terrible sweating in the nights and waking up all hours? I used to pass out and sleep right through till my alarm and drive to work (which I should never of done) feeling like crap. I feel better in the days although I feel I look worse. I'm enjoying the na beer which has surprised me and I look forward to Saturday wine night i guess this is all still part of my addiction. But surely this is better than drinking every night. I feel I'm in more control. My partner is shocked after all these years and is really happy. We seem to be having a laugh more and spending time together. I would always drink alone in my bedroom. There has been bad times and I've joined this group for support to keep strong. Thanks for listening.

Welcome.

"This Group" is a sobriety website/forum so you won't get support for your plan to continue drinking. Sooner or later the "plan" to only drink on weekends or only drink wine or only drink on vacations and weekends or whatever crazy plan we devised - doesn't work.

I hope you come to the same conclusion we all did and that is that we are not moderate drinkers, we drink to get the effects of alcohol. Once we start it isn't easy to stop. If you can moderate this way long term, well...good for you. If not, we'll be here.

I'm glad you are cutting down on drinking, but this is a board for members who want to stop drinking completely. We do not support the use of drugs or alcohol on this board.

If you decide to stop drinking completely, you will find lots of support here.

Welcome.

Moderations worked for me too, for about a whole minute.

I found that if I had to tell my self "Ok, you can drink this much but only on this day" I had a problem with alcohol.
The best way I found for myself to never have to think about drink, worry about moderating my drink, or counting my drinks for the night was to STOP altogether.

Best of luck,
DC

Hope this doesn't come off as too rude but at 47, laying out some convoluted plan for moderation seems a fool's errand. I speak from miserable experience, not out of judgment.

I'm 40 myself. I'm an attorney with a high profile job, kid, great wife etc. But what the heck does functioning mean anyhow - it means you are sacrificing aspects of yourself and your life to the poison. There is no such thing as a functioning alcoholic.

And moderation ha!

There is No Such Thing as Moderation. It’s as simple as that. It’s our Santa Claus. It’s trying to still wear that vintage t-shirt from high school you looked so good in – the thing doesn’t fit anymore.

It’s perpetual dissatisfaction (as if it works). It’s like trying to eat cake through a straw. It’s a lie our beasts insist on perpetuating – the tiniest glimmer of hope that, yes, we can drink again someday! Like the rest of them!

Deeply understanding and accepting that moderation is a fool’s errand, a myth, an addict’s falsest hope – seems to me to be one of the most crucial pieces of this sober puzzle.

But welcome here. There is much wisdom and support.

^^ That pretty much sums it up. ^^

brilliant.

If anything, the attempt at moderation can be good, because if that fails then it can be crossed off the list as an option.

I certainly entertained and attempted moderation for years until I proved to myself I couldn't drink...at all.

But we have to prove that to ourselves, I think.

Thank you for the Advice and comments.
Like I said in my post I seriously want to stop drinking. I just thought cutting down to once a week was a good start as to not risking relapse. But I hear you and maybe I'm fooling myself Its difficult to imagine that I could never drink again!
I am going to try to avoid drinking wine this Saturday evening. Thanks for your support.

Welcome Maxjm. I think you'll find that most of us did try some kind of "moderation" of our drinking when we were trying to quit, I know I did many times. Unfortunately it does not usually work as you see from most of the responses.

I think it's a great thing that you've made the decision to quit, and if you are able to go an entire week without drinking it should be very possible to not drink this weekend as well.

Hope you'll stick around, you will find a lot of support and understanding here.

Thanks Scott for your understanding.
I am really determined to succeed. It's been really hard every day and worse at nights I just need to sleep but I guess the weekend will be the hardest as I had that so fixed in my head to get me through the week. Im feeling very anxious now .

I tried too but it didn't work for me. But someone in AA said to never deny anyone of their suffering because it could be their path to sobriety. This may cause more suffering in the long run for you. I wish you the best. I would spend my whole week thinking of Saturday if I tried that. But that's me.

Hi there
I actually did a pretty similar thing. I was referred to an addiction counsellor and was pretty successful at cutting down, keeping a journal. But after a few months I got really fed up, my intake started to creep up again and so enough was enough, that was last September.
Basically, alcohol still had control even though I had cut down - it was in control, not me, looking forward to my next drink. It really is simpler to think "can I drink tonight? NO!" than thinking about units/next drink.
As another poster said, I think you have to come to that conclusion yourself. To me, it sounds like you will get there. It really is easier to not to have to think about it.
Take care.

So I can haz pet unicorn after all?

Maxjm,
On a more serious note, of course trying to moderate is better than being hammered all the time, but most of us have found that it’s not a long term solution. By all means, give it a try, but note that the odds are against you, so be prepared to switch to total sobriety rather than going back to your old ways. Good luck and we are here for you!

Welcome Maxjm. Count me as another who is unable to moderate. In fact, I made at least 3 or 4 attempts. In a relatively short time, I was drinking as much or more than the previous amount. We're here for you should you decide on total abstinence. I wish you the best. :)

Just a thought after reading your post, I don't think it is possible to relapse from "moderation". Moderation suggests partaking, maybe increasing the interval until you find yourself realizing you don't need it, huh? I have found that for me, just the thought of trying to moderate is proof enough to me that "I have a problem". I saw my bottom before hitting it and the thought came to me that my next drink would kill me. For me, when drinking ceased to be "inconvenient" and truly became "fatal", I committed in my heart of hearts that I was alcoholic and my life had become unmanageable. I suddenly listened, and started to try the suggestions that I heard and read. 27-1/2 years later, I still do it the same way. "God help me not to drink today, help me to become the man you want me to be, and thank you for helping me to be a sober man today. Help me to be of service to others, and to realize that with your help, I can truly live this day without alcohol or drugs." God bless you as you walk thru your life and find what life has in store for you. I am encouraged that you are at least on this forum. Perhaps someone will personally come in to your life and offer his experience, strength and hope and you will want what he has and become willing to go to any length to get it. God bless

I spent a yr+ after joining here perfecting my drinking to an acceptable and respectable amount. Didn't go so well and was actually harder than just drinking like I had been. Once I committed to 100% no booze it was only hard for a few months. It was also rewarding and that's something(illusion) that vanished from drinking for me. If drinking was rewarding why would I be trying to 'cut down'? Are you still having night sweats after 2wks?

Super post! At the end of my drinking I realized I "had to drink". I had no friends left, no parties, no fun. Drinking used to be fun for me as I am quite sure it was fun for most of us. I became totally controlled by the drink. It was life, I was under it's control. Sober living is freedom for sure. Great post!

Yes I am and waking all hours.
I am going to stop completely. This is day 4 of complete sobriety. I have read all the views and it's making me anxious so I'm going to stop now as I don't want to drink at all.

I'm no doctor and this isn't medical advice..When I was being "good" and only drinking,not even getting "drunk" every now/then..I had worse night sweats than when I was going 200mph with the bottle. I think,again just my opinion, that it was my body making me uncomfortable so I would feed it more poison OR screaming at me to 'knock it the hell off already!". When I quit-quit the sweats went away in like 5-10 days. Back to my moderation being harder thing. Also, my moderation always led back to full drinking shenanigans eventually. Maybe a few months and sometimes in days. too much work and I'm too lazy. LOL

max, it brought a smile to my face reading this.:You_Rock_
we have seen many,many times here people believing they are exceptions to the rule- that moderation is possible for them even though many people shared their experience with the moderation attempt. some of them were able to make it back here and say it( the drinking) got worse- alcoholism progressed.

it would be wise to look into the recovery programs/plans available to help ya learn how to live life without alcohol.

I never got my pet unicorn... and I tried for 20 years :)

Welcome aboard maxjm :)

D

Very glad to hear this.

Start with not drinking this weekend, thats a good idea. See how you feel. If you continue it does get easier over time.

Sobriety is for life but you get there one minute/hour/day/week/month/year/decade at a time.

Thank you. I've decided to to not moderate and stop completely. Reading all the threads of others and time to think over the past few days I think it was naive of me to think this is possible. I'm going on holiday next week and already panicking that my partner has suggested nice pubs to eat. And I was given a bottle of wine from a colleague yesterday for my birthday. (Which i have locked in the study and plan to give away). These feelings I'm experiencing is telling me it has control over me. I WILL NOT HAVE THAT BOTTLE OF WINE ON SATURDAY. I have said to my partner I'm on a healthy diet for now so NOT drinking. I thought he knew??? He's never been happy with my drinking I thought he would be encouraging me he's not a drinker himself.
I slept well for the first time last night now 6 days of sobriety I hope tomorrow at bed time I can come back here and say 7

6 days yay! I'll be back tomorrow with 7 👊

Well done max👍

This is similar to what I have tried. It always resulted in some level of success but in the end I was never able to hang on.

Maxjm, so glad you decided to take the route of health and happiness. You are taking back your life.

And, yeah. Alcohol had me as its groveling slave. I am free now.

Welcome, Maxjm. I am very glad you are here. SR has been a huge part of my getting and staying sober. 6 days is excellent!
I tried many times to moderate and it just didn't work; when it comes to alcohol I have no 'off' switch. Once I get started there is no stopping and it always leads me to very dark and dangerous places. I considered myself a functioning alcoholic until suddenly I wasn't--once you reach that tipping point it all goes downhill-quickly. It's easier just to not drink rather than obsess over the next one, and sometimes it is necessary to surrender to win the battle. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.