Thank you 96tears. Great advice, and something I am trying to do. Used to be that I finished everything in a day so I could go home and catch a buzz. Now those hours of 6-10 need to be filled with something else. Work, family, friends, hobbies, etc. Trying to get into a new groove.

And maybe I'm too new to this, but if you're drinking a lot and then stop, then you have not even an entire drink, do you start the count over? Idk but either way even though I had the willpower to stop at one the other night I still didn't feel well afterwards, so I'm done with it. I don't feel like drinking but I dread when the day comes in a couple weeks when I'm feeling good and want to justify a few sips.

You're story hits very close to home with me Adam and I just recently joined SR after I finally realized this is something that can't be done alone. The people here have huge hearts and will listen to anything you have to say. Being able to vent when you're feeling like drinking without any worry of judgement makes a difference. I'm here if you need anything brother. I'm 4 days sober so far , this is also my first time trying anything like this. Much love

Well, that's why I asked what you're counting. If ì was counting days of sobriety and chose to have a glass of wine (of whatever size) then I'd say that day wasn't a day of sobriety, because I chose to drink alcohol. But like anything, there are no 'rules' as such. Self-honesty is very important though, because we're poop-hot at rationalizing taking the first drink, and that's the one that all our drunk days have in common. If there isn't a first drink, there can never be a second, third, fourth, tenth, or fifteenth.

Up to you though. This is your sobriety. Your journey.
We are only accountable to ourselves and God at the end of the day.

How did today go?

BB

Hi adam

for me yeah I'd start the count over - not as any kind of punishment, but just being honest,

If I'd committed to not drinking and then drank, whatever the amount or
'cause', that means a restart.

I've accepted long ago my relationship with alcohol is toxic.

For guys like me I believe that even one small glass could set off a chain reaction that could send me back to the deepest dark places of my addiction..if not even worse than that.

The chain reaction might happen slowly or terrifying quickly.
I just don't know...but if I keep drinking it's inevitable.

The times I drank and nothing 'bad' happened were actually the worst for me because that fed the idea that I could somehow learn to do that every time.

I couldn't.

Sometimes I lucked out, but the truth was I have no control over what happens - good bad or indifferent - once I drink.

D

You're welcome! Well for me, I'm an "all in" kind of guy. It's like I need to make a commitment to change over to a clean lifestyle and everything that goes with it. All or nothing. But that's just me, I have never been the kind of guy that can just eat one tortilla chip dipped in sauce and close the bag, if you get my drift, the same applies to booze. But booze is a lot more complex though because your system keeps craving more and more and then it becomes a reckless, even dangerous lifestyle emotionally, spiritually and financially for me anyway. Again, maybe just best to keep productive, active, and in tune with becoming a new you!

I still feel kind of sick, mostly headaches, light headedness, my heart beat seems too intense, kind of like half hangover and half flu. No more drinking tho. I have no desire to drink at all. But I'm sleeping a lot better. Will that help this process speed up?

I've been thinking about getting into therapy, not just for drinking but for an array of other things too. I don't feel like I have anyone that I can be completely honest with, and that feels like a growing void in my emotional well being. AA is out of the question, period. Does anyone have any experience with that and how do I go about finding a good therapist?

I've never been prone to anxiety but more and more it seems like quitting alcohol is creating it in me. Overall, I am concerned about my health and the affect alcohol has had on it the last few years. Other than that this anxiety is happening whether I "feel" calm or not, like my mind is ok but my body is taken over by severe anxiety symptoms. In addition to that I have brain fog and pressure in my head, but these are slightly better with each day.
My blood pressure is coming down finally. Systolic is nearly normal but diastolic is still high. Does that come down after systolic? Or should I consider it a big problem?

I did not know that. Had never heard of kindling.

Hi Adam

I think you should discuss your BP with your regular doctor.
They might be a good first port of call to ask about therapy and therapists too?

D

I had some family visiting over the weekend, they do drink wine at dinner and my wife does continue to drink (lightly) some nights. But I still have no desire to drink and remain abstinent. I'm on a rollercoaster of feeling bad and good, normal and unwell, back and forth endlessly. I woke up in the middle of the night a couple nights ago and felt like I was losing my mind. 2 and a half weeks has felt like an eternity but I am still pushing onward.

I took a hydrocodone for back pain, but seemed to make me feel worse. After that one I stopped. Does anyone know how that particular drug affects WDs and overall recovery? I don't want to take it if it creates a whole new problem, I'd rather just deal with the back pain.