Need some support/advice
 

I'm new to this and admitting I have a problem is deeply unsettling still. I drank for the last 3 years almost every night. Mostly to numb work stress and make interacting easier in relationships. After about 2 years of this it hit me: I am alcohol-dependent. Never meant to be, never wanted this, but here I am. 34 years old, trying to quit for good. I finally made the choice about 6 months ago, and it's been start/stop. I'll go a week or 2 without and then justify a few shots one night, then one night turns to 4, then hangovers and withdrawls are worse than ever. Funny thing is I don't feel like I ever drank a ton, but I guess the regularity of it got my body hooked. It's my 5th day now without a drink and I still feel terrible. BP is high, brain is foggy, and no one knows my struggle. My family would not be able to handle this. I feel like I just need to wait it out but I don't completely trust myself not to drink after I feel good again. I would appreciate any advice on abstaining, or just any supportive words of encouragement. Thanks.

Welcome and congrats on your decision to go alcohol free! It seems that you've found out one of the reasons that the stop/start cycle is so difficult. Just keep moving forward - whatever it takes, however long it takes - and you will glad in the end. Exercise and ice cream helped me a bunch when I first gave up alcohol. What are your main reasons for quitting? Keep those in your sights!

Glad you found us Adam.

Recovery and sobriety are two seperate things, which didn't seem logical to me at first. But the thing is, Recovery is the thing that makes sobriety bearable, and sustainable and one day (further down the line) comfortable, and (eventually) preferable to taking a drink.

There are plenty of options for working on your recovery. Some go to AA and work the 12-steps with a sponsor (I'm one of these), some do the SMART program amongst other things, but however we choose to do it, those who do keep working on their recovery, adjusting and adapting the plan along to way as needed, they tend to have better quality and more long lasting sobriety.

There are a number of threads on here about making a recovery plan. It really would be a good idea to have a good read of these and start making a recovery plan and doing what is in it.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...y-plans-1.html

Wishing you all the best for your recovery and sobriety.
Keep reading and posting.

BB

Welcome to SR Adam! Berrybean said what I was going to say, and said it well. A recovery plan is a great idea. Keep on posting and we will send lots of support your way! Nice job on 5 days!

Sobriety starts when you realize you have a problem so good for you for doing that. The truth is it takes a while before you start feeling like yourself again. 5 days is fantastic but it will take longer before you really start to feel a difference. You are definitely going about this the hard way if you are trying to get sober alone and with no support. It's a very lonely place to be. I understand that this is a personal issue for you, but going it alone is really hard. I'm sure there are people that have managed to quit on their own without outside help, but it's probably rare IMHO. Some people rely on SR support and that is all they need. Others' add on other types of support such as therapy, AA, etc. Everybody is different but most feel having support of some kind is crucial for long lasting sobriety. Maybe just start by posting regularly here, the good and the bad. People here know what you are going through and can help a lot. I hope you stick with us and let us help you. Please let us know how you are doing and how we can help. John

Hi Adam,

Welcome! Detoxing from alcohol is not fun and it can be dangerous, so do go to an ER if you are concerned.

As others have said, making a recovery plan is very important. It will help you to be prepared to deal with triggers and ups and downs involved in recovery. It's often necessary to make big lifestyle changes to support your recovery, too.

Welcome to SR!

Work stress and interacting are still going to be there in your future. How are you planning to handle them without alcohol? Plan for that now so you're not REacting to it when it happens.

The next time I feel work stress I am going to _____________ to relieve the stress. Just fill in the blank and you have a very simple plan.

You can do this. :ring

Welcome, Adam! What I wouldn't give to go back to age 34 & get sober. I caused myself so much needless grief & misery by drinking for many more years. Congratulations on your decision.

We do ourselves no favor when we mask our feelings with alcohol. I did the same thing - and prevented myself from growing and changing. I didn't learn to cope with everyday issues by keeping myself numb & foggy. It's no easy thing you're doing - and that's why SR is such a wonderful place. You're able to talk things over with people who understand. I had no one in my life to turn to . Being here, I was no longer alone - and I found the strength to get free.

I agree about the recovery plan. Stick with us - we care.

Thanks for the encouragement and tips. I made it another day (6 now) and the good news is I slept a few hours last night. The insomnia has always been the hardest WD symptom for me to deal with since it seems to make everything worse and makes me incredibly anxious. I see the importance of making a recovery plan. So much of my past has been drifting without a direction, or setting short term goals and failing many of them. I need to take one bite of the elephant at a time, and reading threads and stories here helps put things in perspective. For me it will be all about baby steps. Set small goals and achieve each one rather than just making a vague general statement like "I won't drink anymore". Obviously that hasn't worked for me.

My health and my family are the most important reasons for me to quit. There's so much about life I used to enjoy and took for granted, and I feel guilty about losing time drinking rather than doing more important things. I refuse to let any substance influence me any longer. I hate that it took this long and I had to face some frightening things for me to finally see that I can't do this any more. Reading up on Kindling is enough to scare anyone. I can't imagine going through a binge/WD cycle that gets worse every time.

That being said has anyone experienced WD's that mimic a viral infection? The first time I stopped cold turkey I had classic symptoms of a viral infection, went to doc, they agreed that's what it was. I figured I was actually sick since these symptoms came 2 weeks after I stopped drinking. I dealt with symptoms for months thinking I was sick with a vius but dureing this time I would also drink, stop for several days and drink again. My mind was blown when I realized it could have been WD's the whole time masquerading as an actual illness. Has anyone else gone through the same thing?

A big part of my recovery plan involves excercise. But I'm worried about doing this now with my BP still high. Wondering if I should wait until it comes down. Does anyone know how long this should take? Doc prescribed 25 mg HCTZ for BP, I have been on it for years, all through the drinking and WD's.

My BP was borderline high, I took about two weeks off exercise the first two weeks I was sober.

If you are on BP meds, talk to your doctor.

The virus could have been actually a virus - or not, no way to know. Withdrawals can be protracted. I had a lot of head and muscle/joint aches in the first couple months. That happens when a numbing sedative is removed. I'm fine now. It did take a while, much longer than six days. I'd say more like six months until the worst symptoms disappeared. Nearly a year before I felt completely normal without any medication.

I recover from a relapse pretty quickly probably due to my exercising regularly. I also take anxiety medication, so that probably helps a lot. So, when I sober up in a day or two, I start back with my exercise routine, but I'm very careful for a while when I do. If I'm not feeling right, I quit. But if it's been a while since you have exercised, I'd put it off till your BP gets back to normal. No sense in taking chances. Be careful. John

Some sound advice here already so I'll just say welcome Adam :)

D

Adam, I am close to your age, 35. Have had a problem for years, but last few years have been a downward spiral - i guess when they call it progressive, they mean it.

One thing I noticed about your initial post - you said you couldn't tell your family. I felt the same. I almost told them about 18 months ago - I didn't because I was embarrassed and part of me knew that there was no turning back once I did. Part of me still wanted "to have one" when I felt like it.

Now how I wished I would have "turned myself in" - I would have saved myself so much heartache. Please consider leaning into family. They will be able to deal with you admitting a problem much better than dealing with you hurting yourself, someone else, winding up in jail....etc.

Welcome to the family. :) I hope our support can help you get sober for good. :grouphug:

one night turns to 4, then hangovers and withdrawls are worse than ever.

I don't feel like I ever drank a ton, but I guess the regularity of it got my body hooked

I've been where you are.

To cope with the hangovers and withdrawal symptoms that made mornings very uncomfortable, I came up with the bright idea of having a couple of beers with my Egg McMuffin (or other greasy breakfast). As you can probably guess, that didn't work out so well.

And yes alcoholism is progressive, and you body is probably physically addicted. As you continue to age, if you keep drinking, this is never going to get better, only worse.

However the good news is, if you stop drinking, your body's ability to heal from all of the alcohol abuse is pretty remarkable.

However, if you drink again, even after a period of long abstinence, your body will go right back to where you are when you drink now. The is called Kindling. Kindling due to alcohol withdrawal refers to a neurological condition which results from repeated withdrawal episodes from alcohol. Each withdrawal leads to more severe withdrawal symptoms than the previous withdrawal syndrome.

You can win always remember god is in yours ...

So, day 8 now. I had one small glass of wine last night, I don't know why, I didn't even feel like I needed it. I feel bad again and I'm wondering if one drink can trigger WD symptoms? I'm starting to think there's something else going on, I've never gone a week and still felt so bad. I've been on BP meds for awhile but I've always been drinking regularly while taking it, now that I'm off alcohol I wonder if my body is reacting to it differently. I'm worried that my BP is still high despite the meds so I don't want to stop taking them.

I'm also doing a lot of thinking about why I drank and addressing those triggers. I was an opportunistic drinker, getting a buzz whenever I was home and I had the chance. It gave me a kind of rebellious rush doing it in secret. I would also justify it as a kind of punishment against someone I was angry with. If I drank because I was upset with someone it was their fault that I was drinking. I still feel really guilty. My family and friends think I'm just sick. Maybe I am, maybe it's just detox, I don't know. I just want to feel like a normal person. It's crazy how fast you can go from feeling fine one day and deathly ill the next just because of a few drinks.

Why waste your time with one glass of wine? You feel bad, your body is trying to tell you to stop poisoning yourself with alcohol. why do you need proof, why does it have to be more going on than you are drinking and you do not enjoy it. it is monkey on your back. lose it. do not wait till there is absolute proof, like liver problems. quit now

Sorry Adam, I'm confused. You say You drank last night, but that today is day 8? Isn't it day 1? Or do you mean day 8 of reduced drinking?


BB

I like myself a lot better when I don't drink actually. I feel better all the way around, and what helps keep me on a clean path is daily productivity. In fact I watch calories, carbs and sugar, I actually exercise, wash the dishes, take out the trash, fix things, work harder, stay in touch with friends more and it slowly becomes an entirely different healthier lifestyle. Oh, and the other very important factor is you stop spending all of that hard earned money on liquor. Stay active and positive, and good luck!

Thank you 96tears. Great advice, and something I am trying to do. Used to be that I finished everything in a day so I could go home and catch a buzz. Now those hours of 6-10 need to be filled with something else. Work, family, friends, hobbies, etc. Trying to get into a new groove.

And maybe I'm too new to this, but if you're drinking a lot and then stop, then you have not even an entire drink, do you start the count over? Idk but either way even though I had the willpower to stop at one the other night I still didn't feel well afterwards, so I'm done with it. I don't feel like drinking but I dread when the day comes in a couple weeks when I'm feeling good and want to justify a few sips.

You're story hits very close to home with me Adam and I just recently joined SR after I finally realized this is something that can't be done alone. The people here have huge hearts and will listen to anything you have to say. Being able to vent when you're feeling like drinking without any worry of judgement makes a difference. I'm here if you need anything brother. I'm 4 days sober so far , this is also my first time trying anything like this. Much love

Well, that's why I asked what you're counting. If ì was counting days of sobriety and chose to have a glass of wine (of whatever size) then I'd say that day wasn't a day of sobriety, because I chose to drink alcohol. But like anything, there are no 'rules' as such. Self-honesty is very important though, because we're poop-hot at rationalizing taking the first drink, and that's the one that all our drunk days have in common. If there isn't a first drink, there can never be a second, third, fourth, tenth, or fifteenth.

Up to you though. This is your sobriety. Your journey.
We are only accountable to ourselves and God at the end of the day.

How did today go?

BB

Hi adam

for me yeah I'd start the count over - not as any kind of punishment, but just being honest,

If I'd committed to not drinking and then drank, whatever the amount or
'cause', that means a restart.

I've accepted long ago my relationship with alcohol is toxic.

For guys like me I believe that even one small glass could set off a chain reaction that could send me back to the deepest dark places of my addiction..if not even worse than that.

The chain reaction might happen slowly or terrifying quickly.
I just don't know...but if I keep drinking it's inevitable.

The times I drank and nothing 'bad' happened were actually the worst for me because that fed the idea that I could somehow learn to do that every time.

I couldn't.

Sometimes I lucked out, but the truth was I have no control over what happens - good bad or indifferent - once I drink.

D

You're welcome! Well for me, I'm an "all in" kind of guy. It's like I need to make a commitment to change over to a clean lifestyle and everything that goes with it. All or nothing. But that's just me, I have never been the kind of guy that can just eat one tortilla chip dipped in sauce and close the bag, if you get my drift, the same applies to booze. But booze is a lot more complex though because your system keeps craving more and more and then it becomes a reckless, even dangerous lifestyle emotionally, spiritually and financially for me anyway. Again, maybe just best to keep productive, active, and in tune with becoming a new you!

I still feel kind of sick, mostly headaches, light headedness, my heart beat seems too intense, kind of like half hangover and half flu. No more drinking tho. I have no desire to drink at all. But I'm sleeping a lot better. Will that help this process speed up?

I've been thinking about getting into therapy, not just for drinking but for an array of other things too. I don't feel like I have anyone that I can be completely honest with, and that feels like a growing void in my emotional well being. AA is out of the question, period. Does anyone have any experience with that and how do I go about finding a good therapist?

I've never been prone to anxiety but more and more it seems like quitting alcohol is creating it in me. Overall, I am concerned about my health and the affect alcohol has had on it the last few years. Other than that this anxiety is happening whether I "feel" calm or not, like my mind is ok but my body is taken over by severe anxiety symptoms. In addition to that I have brain fog and pressure in my head, but these are slightly better with each day.
My blood pressure is coming down finally. Systolic is nearly normal but diastolic is still high. Does that come down after systolic? Or should I consider it a big problem?

I did not know that. Had never heard of kindling.

Hi Adam

I think you should discuss your BP with your regular doctor.
They might be a good first port of call to ask about therapy and therapists too?

D

I had some family visiting over the weekend, they do drink wine at dinner and my wife does continue to drink (lightly) some nights. But I still have no desire to drink and remain abstinent. I'm on a rollercoaster of feeling bad and good, normal and unwell, back and forth endlessly. I woke up in the middle of the night a couple nights ago and felt like I was losing my mind. 2 and a half weeks has felt like an eternity but I am still pushing onward.

I took a hydrocodone for back pain, but seemed to make me feel worse. After that one I stopped. Does anyone know how that particular drug affects WDs and overall recovery? I don't want to take it if it creates a whole new problem, I'd rather just deal with the back pain.