in crisis - mum manipulated me
 

Am in crisis right now my mother been saying that my niece who is 23 is mentally abusing her as well as psycally my mum says she has had enough she wants my niece to get help or she is going to her dr and then everything will come out she been threating to kill herself to my mum over and for the past 3 years my mum told me this this morning i posted a letter from my mum to my niece has she had blocked her Facebook now i sent the letter and now am caughting in the middle be tween my mum and my niece my husband went nuts at me for doing it and getting us involved what else could i do my mum was upset and she been too scared to tell anyone my mum can be very minipulative and in the past she has lied she got me to send it before my husband went nuts now i feel like i need to use , drink or cut am not at home at the moment am at a group too scared to go home and am going to a meeting as soon as i can really want drink , drugs or cut feel suicidal as well but am safe where i am my husband and my pastor both said that i shouldnt have done what she got me to do and now am a mess ... sorry i just dont know what to do

I really agree with your husband and pastor. You have to focus on yourself. Allow your mother and niece to work out their own problems.

And, if you're on Facebook, it would probably be a good idea to stay away from altogether, or at least awhile. Just use your energy on getting and staying healthy. :)

Hi, GMS .
Do you know for sure that your niece is violent with your mom?
Need to establish that before interceding, I think.
Take care.
Please don’t drink, use, or cut over this.
Good luck.

With regards to being told you shouldn't have done it, what is done is done, there really is no point in attributing blame. You need to focus on what is best for you ,not anyone else. Personally, it sounds like you should put some distance between you & your mum & niece.

Just don't drink, self harm etc. Stay in control of you, take some control in your life, stay strong on this. Such drama is just not helpful to you right now.

Take care. X

Just cos someone gave birth to you doesn’t make them a Mum, trust me I know! Might even be for you the main toxic relationship that kicked it all off, something to work on, it’s very difficult but if you get help and guidance it’s possible. Stay strong.

I have a bad relationship with my Mum. She makes me feel like I’m a horrible lost cause when I know now that I’m not!
Focus on yourself.

i went to a meeting tonight instead of just going home it helps so much am going to another one a saturday as well i'll keep going to meetings am safe my husband is with me am not answering the phone or going on face book at all my husband said i need to stay away from what going on with my family and look after myself going to watch film then go to bed i think tomorrow we have to wait at home for a package and then get my medication from the chemist but thats all just going to spead the day in the house and relax with my husband and my cats for company
thank you all so much for replying to me and supporting me

Sever ties with both of them.

Please keep going to the meetings and don't let yourself be manipulated by what you were trying to have be a good deed.

Big hugs!

I agree with others that you were trying to do a good thing GrantMeSerenity. I think it's best though to keep right out of it from now on tho :)

D

Glad you're feeling better GMS. :grouphug:

Am drinking some tea and then meditating doing prayers and then going to bed
was going to watch a film but am too tired stay up and watch it ,
thank you all again at the moment am leaving both of them too it am having nothing to do with anything or anyone of them my mental health cant take this my husband is worried all the time about me and the best thing i have ever done is be a member of this forum and going into the rooms its help me so much and am very grateful to everyone of you and the people in the rooms

Glad you are feeling better.
Peace.

Glad the meeting helped and you're feeling better. Meetings have saved me from crisis mode and doing even more damage to myself, over others, than I can count in 12 months. Same thing with SR.

my sister got intouch with me today about my mum saying she ill and that she is worried about her got there and she played a phone call she got from my older niece init she said that she would kill herself and other things like she going to batter my mum sit there for ages fighting over weather we should phone the police or talk to my niece my mum says she is mentally ill i cant handle this at all had to go to an meeting but i still feel like its too much to cope with my husband has now wrote to my sister on face book telling her am ill and unable to deal with all this i know i am being selfish my husband has blocked her and we have turned the phones off i need to see someone tomorrow at 1 pm at the recovery cafe near to where i am living
am full with the flu and my mental health isnt good at all my sister had a go saying her mental health is bad also but she cant handle all this i feel guilty now i want to drink, use and cut

I've had to step back from some situations that drinking me would be all over. For myself. They're adults and should be able to work it out without dragging others into the mix. I'm assuming your niece lives with your mother/vice versa and that should change,BUT it's not your job to do it. Focus on yourself.

Nope, step away, keep out of it, you need to look after you. Don't think about anyone else's mental health, just yours. As Dontremember said, they are adults, they need to sort things out for themselves.

my niece isnt living with her she was doing it by coming into the house or phoning her and saying she would kill herself my sister will not do anything and i cant cope they are adults my niece no longer has a key to the house my mums been told if she comes to the door to phone the police
my other nieces who are 14 and 16 live with my mum who arent hurting her the only time my niece does is when everyone is out the house told my mum to not answer the phone from her ...its getting too much

It's not selfish to look after yourself when you're struggling yourself, GMS.

D

It's too much for the adults involved. Not so much for those that choose to not be involved. Just saying. This is your life and that needs to be in control/sober before you have a chance at rationally helping others. Your life IS in your control. Can't control other people.

Edit: And I'm sorry if this sounds heartless..If your niece is playing the suicide 'card'..Well..again we cannot control other people's actions.

Your mum and sister could use the block facility as well, IF they chose to. But at the moment they're keeping the drama alive. They're adults and that's their choice.

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, change the person I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Whatever they think, you are doing the right thing. Take after yourself, stay sober keep from harming, and you'll grown stonger and stronger. Your job is your recovery. Your responsibility is your behaviour. And the same goes for all of them. Mum, sister and niece.

X

Am staying away from whats going on

I understand wanting to help others , especially people in your family more than anyone. Everyone else is correct , first you have to worry about you. It's a very tough situation but I know you can find the strength to stay strong and if you need people to talk too there are plenty of us here, much love.

well its looks like i have caught my husband flu got an appointment today unsure if i'll be able to go to any meetings for the time being my husband dont want me to get a chest infection but i really have to get to meeting he dont understand that i have to go to them - unsure what i can do to makes the flu go away my husband isnt very well him self - drink loads of hot drinks keeping myself wrapped up etc should help i use to have asthma but my dr felt i didnt need the flu jab this year as i have no asthma symptoms for over a year now
maybe i should have gotten it - its nearly 7 am my appointment isnt until 1pm
unsure what am going to do until then need to keep myself busy and warm

You can just read and post here GMS or check out the Arcade?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/arcade.html

Hope you feel better soon

D

Am not really a games person ...but thank you for the link
just hanging out until my appointment my pc just had a fit had to restart i think we are needing to get a new pc i have a laptop but its kinda old i think i need an upgrade but cant afford that at the moment - just going to have to keep this one ticking this is my husbands pc my pc is attached to the tv at the moment but i can use that one as well just have to remember my passwords
for here and i do remember it so no problems got another appointment with my pastor on Thursday kinda need to go to that one as well yea i'll hang out here :herewego

I'm not a games person either but I thought it as worth a shot :)

I hope the time will go quickly til your appointment :)

D

Hello GrantMeSerenity

Can I just say a big 'thank you' for sharing positive way you are dealing with this. I'm very very early in recovery (day 4) and it really helps me to hear of people who want to drink (or use another escape) but make a different, better, decision.

I'm sorry about the flu. I hope it doesn't mess up meeting attendance, but even if you are too ill to get to the meeting it seems you dealing with things really positively.

You have helped me today.

Michael

I would urge you to take care of yourself and step away.

I had to learn to do this too from my family. Step away from their chaos.

thank you for saying that i am glad that my post has helping you i think i should be more positive than negative with what is going on in my life am normally a negative person most of the time but things of late has changed the fact am going to ca and praying before when i was at aa i wasnt doing that so much.
this time around i feel am able to help myself more and help others as well my husband has also noticed this
despite what going on at the moment myself esteem is better as well :) :scoregood