Recognizing your AV
 

I've been here for about 2 months now and I've had 2 slips. This is still a massive improvement and big step towards changing my life compared to the last few years, however, the concept of an "AV" was a new idea to me. I read about it a little and thought that seems easy enough; thoughts of drinking = naughty AV. Ignore it.

I'm realizing this is a massive over simplification. My AV IS me! It's a part of me and not always easy to separate from my logical side because it uses logic against my logical self (or itself). Curse you logic!

Now the thing that's really struck me about this concept is this; for the majority of the last 2 months I've felt like I'm constantly arguing against myself that I cannot drink. However; I have not drunk on those days, I've been able to recognize what's going on and did my heels in. The 2 slips I've had have... just happened? I know I obviously made that choice to drink somewhere along the road but those days were days when I felt fully content and at peace with myself. Then; on auto-pilot I've realized I have a beer in front of me, shortly followed by waking up the next morning hating myself for making bad decisions. My AV, which is also me, was the dominant force yet it didn't feel like it; it simply felt like life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is; after so long with this part of me being gratified and in control I can find it hard to spot when it's actually winning because it feels good (for a short fleeting time before the hangover)! How does everyone else cope with this? Does it get easier to spot the monster with time/training yourself?

This may sound silly, but you saying your AV is you is your AV talking to you.
Simply put, your "AV" is anything at all that influences you to drink. Your reasoning or logic, etc. If you stop and ask yourself WHY AM I GOING TO DRINK THIS? before you take that drink and the answer is anything other than, "There is no good reason, don't do it," that is your AV talking.

Here is something to read and ponder:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-big-plan.html

I've been practising "noticing". So kind of distancing myself and noticing how I feel. It can be as simple as I notice that I feel anxious, I notice that my mind is thinking about a glass of wine etc. (& noticing if I feel good!)

I'm trying to train my tricky brain by doing this! I notice it then move on. (Well that is the plan anyway!)

Not sure if I've made any sense! But it seems to me that it might help spot when you seem to be an auto-pilot? You need to catch the AV in the act!!

That is true. I also think you need to keep reinforcing/learning the concept that you simply don't drink anymore. Specific to AVRT that's part of the big plan of course. But in a genera sense also, we need to literally re-train our brains about this new way of living. Our default response to stress/sadness/pain in general is to try and avoid or escape it by drinking. That in itself can be a really good indicator/red flag to watch for - usually by the time you are actually thinking about drinking it's already too late, or close to it.

It definitely gets much easier over time - every time you face the matter at hand instead of drinking, your mind start learning the "new" way of doing things. And it gets reinforced over time. Some even say that you are literally connecting new neural pathways in your brain ;-)

Hardly automatic. Your decision to drink might have been made "automatically" that is, without engaging the part of yourself that is committed to sobriety. But beers don't automatically appear in front of us. There are a lot of steps that precede that. Lot of opportunities to stop. But again, once you've decided to drink, those opportunities don't matter.

The understanding takes some learning, but in the end is quite simple. Your mind is you, you control your actions, and make the proper decisions. Your subconscious mind or "AV" is like a child throwing a tantrum to get what it wants.
Sure, you can quiet it for a little while, but then it wants more and more and more.
At the end of the day you hold all the power to say NO! and with that, the tantrums will quiet down, and you will know how to handle them.

I only learned about the concept of an AV a few days to a week ago, but it's been extremely helpful because it shows me how to differentiate between my temptation to drink and my rationale not to drink.

In Judaism, there's a concept called "the evil inclination." Unlike Christianity which considers people really nasty when they aren't saved, Judaism considers the evil inclination as a tempter but also with the purpose of helping us become stronger through resistance.

I actually thought about that earlier today when I got off of work and my AV was talking about buying some booze. I realized that by continuing to resist the AV, I was actually strengthening my resolve against it. The longer I continue to resist, the stronger I become, at least in theory.

Sure, it's really our own thought process, the part of us who for years (in most cases) we've used to justify and rationalize our drinking, but by objectifying it, we can say, that's not me anymore. I'm not that guy/gal, I'm someone new.