40 year old binge drinker
 

Im a 40 year old guy, married with 3 little kids. Everything in my life is great expect the white elephant in the room, just this year alone I have had probably 5-10 instances of waking up from a bender and having no idea what happened, having to try and piece the night together, and then make up for stupid things I did or said.

My history has always been to drink until I get ********* and passed out, usually in between that stage, at the tail end of the night or day, I'm this embarrassing idiot who literally can't walk. It only happens when I mix beer and hard drinks, or start with hard drinks. Typically I am good, I am good, I am good - then wham I am like a pin ball machine bouncing all over the place and speaking gibberish - that would be about the three hour mark. Then it’s blackout city and incoherence .

I am so tired of the "next day" , what did I do now, never anything violent or anything illegal, but just dumb stuff; **** in the laundry, couldn't stand up at a kenny chesney concert, fell asleep during a patriots game, passed out on my neighbors front lawn, was biligerent at a popular golf club in front of a bunch of people, that is just this year and doesn't include nights when I "considered" myself good.

I am ready to empower myself but I need help. Moderation would be key - my wife says, "just stick to beer" , my brain says "I've tried that and I know what will happen", so I am thinking about moderation which I think I'm going to hate.

I am friends with older guys who don't drink - its simple and its not an issue, I want to be one of those guys but I'm afraid. My drinking style is usually nothing on a mon, tuesday, sometimes wednesday, then a few on friday or saturday, but usually one of those nights I'll get hammered. Or I'll binge drink (during golf or cookouts that run into the night) like I'm on vacation and literally drink all day until I'm blacked out (like this past Saturday where I blacked out at the golf course. ) I can go to dinner and have just three or four beers or one or two drinks but my norm is drinking with a group of people . Our kids all get along and the adults do too, except we get smashed. I have no problem with this except I wish I could just have five beers and leave it at that , not ten with a vodka tonic or two. Can moderation work ?

I'm trying to muster up the courage to abstain but I'm already thinking about this weekend having to get dinner with friends (maybe I'll just have some beers) and then I am going to Nashville for the sole purpose of partying.

I've had enough :) Been drinking this way since 15 and haven't been able to cull it so I don't know why I think I can now. I'm hoping after Nashville to get serious or to learn how to just stick to beer. Any help would be great!! Thanks in advance - mark

My experience with moderation is that there simply is no moderation after the first drink. It's more aggravating than not having a drink.

I have no experience with sobriety but I do have plenty of experience drinking myself into embarrassing situations.

For some it may work but it never has for me. If I was able to pull it off for a few days I was still back wide open by the end of the week.

Welcome to SR, Archie. I'm glad you found us here. Drinking was part of my daily life as well (I'm a chef) so it was scary to imagine a life without it. But I too got tired of the lost time, the black outs, the shame of idiotic things done while drunk, etc. Probably moderation is not going to work. At least it didn't work for me.

The good news is that sobriety will be a lot better than you think it.

Again, good to have you with us, Archie.

To me, moderation was a constant negotiation with alcohol. Some times it was successful, some times not. The not increased over time.

I can have this many, but will need to stop before making a fool of myself.

I can have two, but must stop because I have to drive.

If I have more than three, I'll be too hung over at work tomorrow.

Daily drinking is OK if it's two or less, that's just European. Four or more is an alcoholic if done daily. 3 can go either way.

It all became very tiresome. Drinking is supposed to be fun and a social outlet. Moderation just became a chore.

Think sticking to beer will help
 

I’m not a daily drinker or someone who craves alcohol however I find myself getting way to messed up. Should I try to just stick to beer ? Does anyone have experience with this ?

Moderation doesn't work for me.If I start drinking,I just want more.Also when I start coming down from the buzz, for me is worse than an actual hangover.

Welcome! I hope you stick around for you and your kiddos!

Moderation: seems that won't work for you. You have already admitted that. Now admit you can't drink and work the steps. You will love your self more, actually knowing what you did at these events. You may have to take some time away from the "party" until you can go without drink in hand.

I am not sure how your wife feels when you do these things.. Maybe embarrassed, ashamed, hurt, etc... - I know I have done all that to my significant other.

Always having to apologize or face the next morning wondering what I did.
I am good with all that, meaning I never want that morning to happen again.

Best of luck, stick around, read others stories.

Soul search.

Moderation doesn't work for alcoholics. If it worked, if we could moderate, none of us would be here. I think most members have tried moderation and failed. I found it emotionally exhausting.

Abstinence is far easier for alcoholics. You take the option of ever drinking again off the table and life becomes simpler. You fid better and healthier ways to deal with stress and the ups and downs of life.

My suggestion would be to stop drinking right now, today. There is always a reason to put it off.

I'm mostly a weekend party drinker and my drink of choice has always been beer. I tried moderation, but I found that despite the best intentions there were just too many times when I had that third beer and was just having a great time, I'd just say F it, and have another one, and then just one more, because I'm still in control, right, and then just one more and 'suddenly' all bets were off.
I realised that I can't say for certain how much I'll end up drinking once I start that first beer, meaning that the beer had more power over me than I had over it.
Also stopping after 3 beers was much harder than just not having any. Like MindfulMan said above, a constant negotiation. So tiring.

Hi Archie
I wasn't a daily drinker either. I tried moderating with just drinking wine(I don't like beer) even sometimes brought low alcohol or even those mini bottles. But it didn't work for me, sooner or later I would go on a massive bender and when I was like that I would drink anything until I blacked out. That was the trouble, when I drank I never knew how I would be. I could stop after 2 some nights but then sometimes I couldn't and the more I tried to moderate the worse the drinking got.
Maybe you will be more successful with moderation than I was.

Thanks guys/girls
 

I am trying to commit , trying to convince myself that maybe I should stick to non alcoholic beers - or try them. I feel like once I get my feet underneath me I’ll be ok, I’m not shy or anything , and it (blackouts and stupid stuff) doesn’t happen all of the time but without fail they will happen . This past weekend it happened again in front of a bunch of people - golfers , about 60 of them and I was the most tanked. If I stick to beer I know I will be okay for awhile and then I’ll be having another one of those mornings (wtf) did I say or do last night.

I know what it feels like, I got drunk daily. What really hit me was having to apologize to my oldest son, he's 14. Evidently I went downstairs when him and his buddies where having a jam session and screwed it all. The next day he asked me not to come down anymore. Ripped my heart out.

thank you for sharing , what did you do? See I’m not a daily drinker but I have the capability to totally get inhilated and do something like that , except my kids are still little (8,6,3)

Welcome to SR, Archie. You'll find a lot of information and support for yourself here.

Well I love music, can pick most instruments and play something. So drunk Dave went downstairs and thought he could direct the band. I kind of remember them just starting at me.

I wasn't a daily drinker at first, just kind of progressed the last few years. I can relate with you alot, golfing, football games etc. I once rolled a golf cart at a huge tournament, stumbled in for the dinner afterwards my face all scraped up. Thing for me is once I start drinking I won't stop.

so did you quit or are you in moderation mode?

I'm new here buddy. Today is my third day with out a drink.

Yep, you sound just like me. Binge drinking with sober days inbetween. Acting like a tit when you cross that line into blackout then looking around in the morning to figure out what you did and who to apologise to. I did that for 20 years and could never moderate, get control and put drink in its place. I was either all or nothing so decided nothing was far better than the anxiety and humiliation of drinking. I dont think anyone on this forum successfully moderated. All I can tell you about my own experience is the relief of knowing I wont drink so I can let go of all those worries. Stick around here, you find out what you need to know. Good to meet you 😃

Hello!

I was like you. Not a daily drinker and never craved alcohol but once it was on, it was on till the end. I was a horrible binge drinker and at the end of my drinking career I was having a lot of blackouts. I would have to wake up and put the pieces together apologize etc. I would have that gut wrenching feeling when you know something is off.

I tried moderating for years and also doing the alcoholic math. Wine only and then a glass of water in between. One cocktail an hour. A few beers home by 1, 3 glasses of water and 3 Advil and no shower so I can sleep in a little bit later. .. you get the picture.

Moderating never worked for me and it was like playing Russian roulette because I never knew when I was going to be OK and when everything was going to go to hell.

I suggest that you start educating yourself and hanging out here and posting. Ever since I found this place I have been able to make a real difference in my life and I am so happy. Moderation is really mentally exhausting and I was just over all those games.

Hope to see you around.

Archie12

do you like drinking ? it doesn't matter how much you drink, it's how much you like it, I loved it. The more I drank the more I 'loved' it, first beer is nice but nothing special, second beer starts to feel good, third beer is when the ball starts rolling , after ten and some bourbon the wheels are off and I don't care , right then .
Hated having to deal with the black out/ stupid/ dangerous stuff , but that third one , that's probably the best one, only of course if its the third in a longer line, a third beer and then done, that just pissed me off. Always drank like that , always did the stupid/dangerous stuff and lots of insidious consequences that weren't as apparent, loss of trust of loved ones, self esteem, probably some health issues building in the background, didn't matter I loved it, right? It changes after awhile almost suddenly , the hangovers become anxiety attacks, 'hair of the dog' is no longer a 'vacation' thing, hiding bottles ect ect, you kinda stop loving it, but that third one still does it.
I found SR and and learned AVRT , realized maybe it wasn't Me that loved it, realized I was just feeding a small part of me that had the rest of me convinced that black outs and hangovers were worth the third one, the one that gets the ball rolling real good. Longer story short, turned out I didn't love it, I just fooled myself into thinking that way, changed my mind and quit. Great threads on AVRT/RR herre on SR in the Secular Connections forum, if you really like drinking, I recommend checking them out.
wish you well and hope to see you around