I guess I'm tired of failing. If I don't expect much from myself I can't be disappointed. I used to have goals and dreams. Now it's literally one foot in front of the other u till I die. Alcohol is the only thing that makes it bearable.

I used to be into training. Now I go throught the motions. I do things so people won't yell at me. Or be disappointed. Alcohol is the only thing in my life that doesn't get mad at me.

Snarky.... Its time to change your screen name to something less negative. You don't like snarkiness, so dont be one.

Its also time to quit drinking.

You are not a loser, you are not a worthless human being.

You have a disease ... Much like diabetes.

Most of these posts from you have been the DISEASE TALKING.

Not YOU.

The disease is like a parasite. It takes everything from you. It might even convince you that YOU LIKE TO BE DEPRESSED. Anything it can do to make you KEEP FEEDING IT... keep you drinking. More and More.

Something to consider: When people seem angry or punitive with you, its because they are talking, NOT TO YOU... they are talking to YOUR DISEASE....

Because they are sick of this disease and the bullsh*t it spews. They can hear it talking and it not only irritates them, it SCARES them. So go easy on people, because they can hear the Addicted Voice better than you can if they have sober time. They have A LOT of experience with that voice. Many here know every single way the A.V. manipulates its host.
That AV has put them through HELL. They are angry at that voice, and what it did to them, and what its doing TO YOU.

Your AV will tell you are worthless, you deserve to live in the trash can of life. it will tell you all kinds of things.

Why dont you stay with us and we can help you discern which voice is which and help you learn how to STARVE THE BEAST which is addiction?

A better life is ASSURED if you quite drinking. And no, its NOT easy. But the people talking to you have had it JUST AS BAD if not worse than you.

They felt and WERE just as weak as you.

Youre among friends who know exactly whats going on with you.

Your value is immeasurable.

You are going through something very tough. You are spending most of your time with a terrible bully.

That bully IS THAT VOICE. The AV.

Come into the light and stay with us.

Pledge to remain sober for 24 hours.

We can absolutely help you!

snarky,
you might have heard something along these lines before:
when you quit, and sobriety is terrible, it could be because getting drunk was/is your solution, and when you don't drink, you don't have a solution to the problem.

keep reading here and connecting, and you will see different people find different 'solutions' to the 'problem of living', so to speak.
for me, eventually, i realized i needed something other than just abstaining.
and no, i did not white-knuckle.
i made changes such that white-knuckling or drinking again hasn't been necessary or desirable.

you can, too.

i get that it's overwhelming.

and seems not doable.

but there are oodles of us here who have been where you are and are now in much better places, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.

this is doable.
stick around.

I guess I'm tired of failing. If I don't expect much from myself I can't be disappointed. I used to have goals and dreams. Now it's literally one foot in front of the other u till I die. Alcohol is the only thing that makes it bearable.

I used to be into training. Now I go throught the motions. I do things so people won't yell at me. Or be disappointed. Alcohol is the only thing in my life that doesn't get mad at me.

actually you have it backwards.....alcohol is WHY the rest of your life is disappointing and unmotivating. alcohol is the BIG LIE. it feeds your depression, your poor outlook, you inability to handle life on life's terms.

sobriety doesn't show up in a box on our doorstep. we have to actively vigorously and tenaciously work for it, every day. we engage in a program of recovery (of which there are many) and we WORK that program, to the best of our ability. we no longer see life as something that happens TO us, it just happens and we are a part of it, no better or worse than the guy behind us at the grocery store. we are not somehow special or unique, and therefore excused from the rules. we get up each day and fight the good fight.

That sounds like your AV has you pinned pretty well. The situations hopeless, you're doomed... and why try because you only fail.

I used to be incapable of staying sober 4 days. 3 days was my usual and about 2 months was my all time record.

I'm over ten years sober now. The difference?

I accepted the need for change and hard work and I chose to believe I could do this.

I leaned on the support of the folks here and I committed to doing anything but drink.

I was weak and pretty pathetic at the start. Not drinking made me cry.

If I could do it, you can too Snarky :)

This link is a great start:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Welcome back :)

D

:tyou

That's really amazing. You were like that? That's so amazing. It gives me hope. I never thought I could be like all these people on this page who had success.