Susiegirl, while you're at a low point right now try to understand that it's just a moment. You will survive this short term misery. Three weeks is an uncomfortably long time to be broke but it won't kill you. What will kill you is continuing to drink. You really are at a crossroads, a fork in the road. One way can lead you to peace, even if you can't see that place of solace now, while the other way will lead to ruin.

You can figure out why you drink and gamble, and you can figure out how to change. Like most things that you have to learn at first it seems impossible. But in time it can be effortless. Five years ago I didn't think it was possible to get through a weekend without alcohol but now I haven't touched a drop in over four and a half years. The old me wouldn't even recognize the person I am now but here I am!

You can do this, Susiegirl! I know you can!:grouphug:

Well I have just broken down and confessed to my parents about the gambling. They are obviously disappointed in me but have been amazing. They have actually lent me a little money to get by this month. I am lucky to have parents like them

Well done for opening up to them. Amazing things happen when we find the humility to let others help us. X

Talk to someone- a priest, doctor,, counsellor. Go to a community coffee morning, the library, the community centre. You do not think you would be better off dead. You posted. Keep posting.

This is great Susie. I am glad your folks are being supportive and you are lucky indeed :)

Hi Suzie... I would gamble while drinking as well. Both online(sports) and in casinos. Sometimes with money that would best spent elsewhere(obligations). Since I've stopped drinking I was able to save enough $$ to pay back ALL of my 'bad debts' ($20k+US). I'm actually dropping off my final $500 payment to a good friend,who 'bailed me out' on a sports betting debt I made while on a bender. I expected him to cut me off forever but, we are having a cookout/pool party today. He was very understanding as he also has booze/gambling issues himself. Keep your head up and keep the bottle/drink down.

Hi guys, I'm back. I have been sober but finished off some rum I had lying around the house yesterday which was very naughty of me. I have been so low over the last few days - anxiety is making me feel so ill. I did not gamble (probably due to my lack of funds but I do hope that I can stay away from the sites in future) I felt drinking the rum was better than when I drink wine however I do so want to give the alcohol up. I can go days without it so why I spoil it on the odd night I do not know.

I am starting a 6 week course tonight which is with some kind of life/mind coach. There will be a group of about 20 of us. Its two hours long every Thursday. He tries to re-train your way of thinking and letting bad things in the past remain in the past. I an not an optimist at all so If he can get me looking forward to the future and living for the moment - my parents money (they paid) will be well spent.

I also have a one on one appointment with the counsellor tomorrow so I have a feeling that a load of tears will be shred. She heard my basic background last week and she does want to work with me on my addictions. I also suffered a trauma in my childhood where the elderly next door neighbour interfered with me and she thinks this may be the root of all my problems.

I'm also still struggling financially and my daughter is yet to speak to me so I'm going to use this time to concentrate on getting better to be the best Mum ever.

So I will be sober tonight as I am on this course. I'm going to make this day 1 and make this a success.

Don'tRemember - Congratulations on turning your life around - I do hope I can get there just like you X

It is good that you are taking the steps necessary to help yourself.

Why do you have rum in your house? Throw it out.

Mizzuno - I forgot it was there to be honest - There wasn't much left and I have finished it so there is no more alcohol in the house and I am definitely not going to the shop to purchase any. I have been feeling guilty all day for drinking it so I am receiving my punishment X

. I have been sober but finished off some rum

then you have not been sober. that isn't being naughty, that's being addicted to alcohol and drinking when EVERYTHING in your life screams that you should not.

i am cheered to hear of your "plans" - one on one with a therapist and signing up for the life coach course. those ARE positive actions. not drinking at all NO MATTER WHAT is the key component here. i do hope your home is completely rid of any alcohol now.

Anvilhead - there is no alcohol whatsoever in the house now. I have plenty of soft drinks. I must confess I find it a frightening thought of not being able to have a drink again but like a lot of people here not many good things happen when we drink. The bad times outweigh the good times. I need to do this for myself and no-one else. If I can knock alcohol on the head - I know things will be a lot better for me

Hi Susie, have you considered GamBlock or some other software to block the gaming sites?

Hi Susiegirl. How did the life coach session go?

Day 2 today - what an awesome sleep I had last night. Must have gone to sleep at about 1020pm and didn't wake up once until 7am. Feeling refreshed however I have a counsellor appointment in an hour and a half and a little apprehensive. Hopefully it will dome good to talk though.