Sat in front of the package store for a half an hour
 

Friday after work I sat out in front of a package store just watching people walk in and out getting their beer, wine or whatever they drink.
I had a very bad week.....I had been suffering from a tooth abcess and had the tooth pulled and was in pain all week.
But, the most important discovery that week was the startling truth of my alcoholism.
You see, I live with a very difficult person to get along with, my boyfriend has anger issues and he takes out all of his anger out on me. The night before he exploded to the point where I packed a bag grabbed the dog and left. Of course I came back but, I realize now that I was drinking to escape his anger.
So, here I am in front of the package store wanting to go in thinking about what I would get......and then I stop myself......what is drinking going to do ? Yeah I'll forget about what happened until tomorrow morning it will still be there.
I left and went back home and made dinner sober and I am glad I did.

"Of course" you went back? No, not of course. Why did you? If he is emotionally abusive and it is a threat to your sobriety? What does he say he's going to do on his part to control his issues and better your relationship? If the answer is nothing, get out of that.

Good on you for not going in and buying the dreaded booze. Gotta be proud of that.
As for your abusive partner, sounds like you need to tell him flat to change his ways and if he can't, think very hard about whether you want to stay in a toxic relationship.
Easier said than done I know. But you need to put yourself as number 1 priority in these early days, not him.
I hope he is not violent towards you?

SWTPEA61, you did good, waking up hangover free never gets old.
I found emotional distress a huge trigger.
I do not like conflict... it is emotionally dangerous and being sober has allowed me to move away from many people who agitate my emotions.
Take care of yourself.

You are living with abuse and there is no reason to continue to do so. There are agencies and groups that will help you. You deserve respect and peace in your life. Please make a call:

National Domestic Abuse Hotline (US)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | Abuse Defined

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support (US)

International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies

Canada: Home « HotPeachPages International
Canada: domestic violence information « HotPeachPages International

Good for you for not buying anything!!!!!!

Good for not drinking
Abuse is wrong- any way it is made.
Be safe- follow the advice others give.
Take care

Good job not drinking, Swtpea.

When I passed by and looked at the local bar after work for a few days in a row. And entertained the thought of drinking. On about the third day I pulled in and ordered up heavy.

Entertaining the thought of drinking is an insane thing for me to do!

M-Bob

Swtpea, good for you for not buying any alcohol. My ex was emotionally abusive and I used alcohol to cope. Not good. Drinking makes you feel like his words have validity because you feel so crappy about yourself after you drink. So take back your power, girl. Sounds like you're on the road to that.

I'm glad you didn't drink but like Anna I'm worried for you in your domestic situation.

She's given you some good links to check out.

stay safe swtpea :)

D

Thanks Anna

Yes I am planning the right time and the right day......it is coming......getting rid of the booze was the first step :tyou

He's not physically abusive its all mental abuse

Thanks poppy .......no he's not physical but at one point I thought he might hit me......he's so loving and forgiving but I just don't trust him any more and I know there will be the next time I just don't know when and who can livelike that wondering when he's going to blow off steam again.

Abuse is abuse swtpea - and if you were scared he might hit you that's still incredibly damaging to you.

I've been though it myself so I'm glad you're thinking about getting out of that situation.

D

Well....Tell you one thing. I learned the hard way. If he starts punching the wall in a FIT of uncalled for anger...YOU will be next. I waited until he broke my nose and tossed me around like a rag doll.

No one can tell you what to do. But from experience...it is a matter of time before he goes batsh@t crazy. My kids got to get a ride from the cops to the ER after mine. They don't bounce back ..I know you are trying to do one thing at a time ...Once you live in peace you will wonder why you waited. <3

I live with a difficult spouse myself. And I learned something interesting about my situation recently when I tapered off alcohol and eventually had 15 days sober.

I always suspected my drinking was a huge contributing factor to our difficulties. But, surprisingly it wasn't a huge factor to OUR difficulties. It was only a HUGE factor to MY difficulties.

It's kind of hard to me to explain . . . but when H acted like a jerk and I drank to dull the pain of the abuse, I assumed I had some culpability in the abuse; like my slurred speech and vision contributed to the escalation. So in the morning, I was quick to forgive what had happened the night before since I was sure I likely over reacted; likely imagined insults where there weren't any, etc . . .

But what I found after a few weeks fully sober was that my actions/reactions had absolutely nothing to do with H's abuse. His actions were all his. And now when he's in one of his moods, I wake up as irritated/mad at him as I was when I went to bed. I no longer forgive the unforgivable.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm saying here. . .

I think just that giving up alcohol will free you to see the abuse more clearly . . . and free you to really deal with it, instead of living in the fog of it all. Ya know?

My first husband was emotionally abusive to me. I stayed for a lot longer than I should have - for most of the usual reasons. But someone wise told me that abuse is abuse, and it was probably only a matter of time until all that anger would turn into physical abuse. The first time he cornered me in the bedroom, screaming into my face, not letting me leave the room by blocking the door, I packed up and went to my mother's with my 2 year-old daughter, who had witnessed the whole thing. He never laid a hand on me, but the scars are still there, 23 years later.

Please protect yourself and your sobriety. Make a plan to leave, and do it. I cannot stress enough that you are in a dangerous situation.