I can't stay in Aa
 

They say to ring someone if you want a drink and go to a meeting everyday. Meetings don't stop me drinking. I need my friends and we meet for dinner nearly every night. I don't believe a higher power will help me. It's too much pressure, too dogmatic. What's the point of ringing someone if they just say go to a meeting. I can't handle listening to everyone problems. Giving it the flick. Don't see the point of step 4. Seems like too cultic. My friends are important otherwise I would be alone. I'll go as a visitor every now and then but that's all.

Sounds good -- good luck.
M-Bob

Ok. Good luck.

Hi sweetichick. Sorry to hear that. You sound pretty low and disheartened. I'm not an AAer but it sounds to me like it might not be working for you because while you have been going to the meetings you don't feel you can, or want, to do the steps. I know the stable AAers here say the steps are at least as important as the meetings. It also sounds like you don't want to give up your drinking friends, and I can understand how that can be hard. But perhaps it is even harder to find sobriety while socialising regularly with drinkers. Very tough choices, eh?

Do you have a new plan you feel can really help you, or do you feel like you're giving up on the idea of total sobriety, at least for a while?

Good luck to you - I hope you can find a way through this.

Sweet chick, AA isn't for me either. However, you must find some plan for staying sober. For me, it's reading here daily and two exceptional books that forever changed my view of alcohol.

Get exercise daily too!

Are you drinking? If not you may well not need AA. If you are - well perhaps your reasons for not going aren't as straightforward as you think.

I stopped going to AA a couple of years ago. I am an atheist for starters and I, like you, was beginning to see the cult like nature of some of its practices, though here in the UK from what I have picked up, the religious element is not nearly as strong. I started drinking shortly after I left.

I returned a couple of weeks ago for two reason. Firstly there is a saying 'take what you need and leave the rest'. I'm not sure if it is actually a tradition but you hear it a lot - and it is true. Nobody forces you to do anything you don't wish to at AA in my experience. Secondly I concluded that the higher power for me was the power of group support. I went back for those two reasons - and because I cannot do it alone frankly.

It is worth saying that there is a growing secular/agnostic AA movement and even agnostic meetings in some places. There is a secular Steps forum right here too at: Secular 12 Step Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Finally may I point to an article by an atheist AA attendee. It is a great read: Take What You Need and Leave the Rest | AA Agnostica

Firstly there is a saying 'take what you need and leave the rest'. I'm not sure if it is actually a tradition but you hear it a lot

No its not a tradition or a step. Its one of the many, many 'sayings' that have come out of meetings.

I just wanted to say my friends don't drink.

That's great! They definitely sound like friends to keep :-)

What do you think your options are now?

There are other ways to stay sober without AA. Look into SMART recovery.

Have you checked to see if there are any SMART meetings in your area? That might suit you better.

Their are things I like about AA and their are things I don't like.

Their are AA meetings that help me and their are bad AA meetings (it all depends on the people there).

But the good outweighs the bad - I will still keep going to AA.

At a guess,you are a young person?Maybe previously just socialy drinking heavier than than you felt comfortable with?Well done on still seeing your non drinking friends.AA isn't for everyone.Good luck with whatever your plan to stay sober maybe.

Thanks for the replies. I'll have to try something else. I don't even believe in the doctors opinion that we have a physical allergy. I believe it's all mental why we drink. I can't handle the AA copulticook they say. I know heaps who have stopped drinking just because they had to. Smart sounds good.

Hi Sweetchick... its hard babe really hard.. I have friends that do drink and my adult kids do to.. when I am to say ya or na .. I just pick the not this time for them to deal with.. I don't go to AA or call anyone.. this little bit of tech is my solid ground.. and as far as everyones problems.. sometimes when you think its the worse it can get.. there is someone with a bigger problem.. and you are the rock for them... hugs prayers and love..

I don't like it when I hear people suggest,"go to a meeting" when someone is reaching out for help either. that doesn't help anything.

" Don't see the point of step 4."
I didn't either, so I asked about it:"best way for me to learn why I was who I was is by lookin at my past. learning that helped me see what needed changing."
it can seem cultic, but I fond it hard to be cultic when I sit at a meeting with a jew, Buddhist,catholic,muslim, Christian,athiest...you name it.
plus, I can believe what I want and leave whenever I want, even if that's in the middle of a meeting.

but aa isn't for everyone.
I hope ya look into other recovery programs/methods. lots of people have used them to get sober.

When I was first trying to get sober I created every obstacle I could to keep drinking and not go to meetings.

They're bible bashers....
I'm not like them, I wasn't that bad....
I can do it on my own...

Fact of the matter is I wasn't ready to stop drinking, I hated my life and what I had become but I just couldn't do it....but I was told keep bringing the body and the mind will follow, and now I could not imagine my life without AA, if I don't get to meetings I feel off. It literally saved my life.
Don't look at it as listening to other's problems - look for the identity you can take from it, leave the rest.

Wishing you luck x

I really wish it had worked. But the pressure this lady was putting on me to go to meetings all the time was causing me not to sleep. Plus it's definitely cultic if they say to not hang out with your friends to go to meetings. That's just wrong. If you have no friends you have noone. And strangers don't want to hear how upsetting you are after a breakup and how he's met someone else. That's like the church must go and attend social activities. I couldn't see the difference.

Anyone that pressures you into anything step away from them, it suggestions not demands. Take from AA what you want its not stipulations.....all you have to do is want to stop drinking.

How much do you want to be sober? In the end I was willing to give anything a try to get out of the hell I was living.

Different things work for different people sweetichick. Have you checked out the Secular Connections forum on this site? It has a TON of information about other options for working a plan that is right for you.