Doggone it! I slipped. :(
 

Was feeling so good, and felt like perhaps I was not a "true" alcoholic -- whatever that means. So I said, "what the heck?! One or two won't hurt to take the edge off of some anxiety I was having (big meeting tomorrow).

Well, I am an alcoholic, hence, imbibing not two weeks after quitting. Single drink Friday night, single drink Saturday, and two drinks yesterday. No withdrawal or anything, but bad anxiety today. No benders or anything, just some "drop, drip, drip." Pun intended.

After the last one I realized I was heading down the path that sent me to detox in the first place. And I am really mad at myself.

I am not going to beat myself up too bad, as I did show SOME restraint. But I realize that my restraint must be TOTAL. I am also aware hardly anyone quits totally the first go at sobriety. No excuses, but not a disaster.

I am not going to say I am "starting over" from scratch, but that this is an ongoing process to achieve my goal of total abstinence. But it is heckuva time for me to handle this as well as what is going on in my professional life. I am reminded of that line from the Airplane movie from the 70s -- "I picked the wrong week to quit drinking."

And then I realize, there is no good time to keep drinking. And that the best time to quit drinking is always immediately. Onward and upward. I need to get a plan, and follow it.

Glad you're back and caught it soon enough!

I did the same thing. I had over a year and then had a drink, then nothing for a few months and then a few more and saw where it was heading so here I am, back again today 1. I agree that it's a process and there is definitely some learning involved! It seems no matter how many warnings I saw on this site I had to figure out that moderation wouldn't work all on my own. Oh well, lesson learned.

Here's to moving on and staying sober!

Yep. Lesson learned.

And wouldn't you know it. The big meeting I was stressed about got moved, giving me more time to prepare.:headbange

Zackly. :)

It's the same old story, over and over and...

But it's exactly what we need to hear, so thank you!

Welcome back Horn :)

I think once I really accepted my addiction, and started to think of recovery as a permanent lifetime change and not a temporary project, things really got rolling for me.

Think about what you might have done instead of those few beers - do you have people to call, or people to post to here for help? what stopped you?

do you have any other strategies for dealing with anxiety? if not, why not?

I'm not beating up on you - these are all rhetorical questions - but its the kind of self examination thats necessary after a drink I think?

D

Welcoem back Horn :)

I think once I really accepted my addiction, and started to think of recovery as a permanent lifetime change and not a temporary project, things really got rolling for me.

Think about what you might have done instead of those few beers - do you have people to call, or people to post to here for help? what stopped you?

do you have any other strategies for dealing with anxiety? if not, why not?

I'm not beating up on you - these are all rhetorical questions - but its the kind of self examination thats necessary after a drink I think?

D

Thanks Dee,

Your comments are spot on. I need to take this more seriously. I have been overestimating my ability to do this on my own and "just quitting." But I have intended to get therapy for the underlying anxiety. I am going to get a therapist this week.

Thanks for the response.

Hi Horn. I hope seeing a therapist will give you the extra support you may need. I kept insisting I could have a few to take the edge off, too. Of course it was never a few - and it never helped - only made my anxiety worse. I decided life was so much easier with a clear head & no hangover. :) Glad you are working on your sobriety - it'll feel great to be free.

Are you already part of the January 2017 Class thread? It's a great place to check in daily and see what other people are up to that are in the same place with their recovery...

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-thread.html

Two words: medical detox. There isn't a normal or "not that bad" drinker who ever needed medical supervision when they didn't drink for a couple of days.

You're a smart person...you know that drinking for three consecutive days, no matter if currently "controlled," has got you halfway down the road back to mayhem, right?

Turn the truck around.

You absolute correct. I was kidding myself.

Did you come up with a new plan? What are you going to do differently this time?

You have a good attitude. You're right, it's an ongoing process and sometimes people test their limits to see what they can get away with. I don't see sobriety in terms of days/time, but rather as an overall lifestyle.

Work gets easier somehow with sobriety. :) Big challenges ahead? Perfect time to stay sober! Hang in there

You were trying the old "I can't drink" defense, which is not true, since you can definitely swallow alcohol, as you just proved. What "I can't drink" actually means, and which you intuitively know, is "I can't drink without bad things happening."

The problem with that assumption is that there is a giant loophole embedded in it, namely that bad things might not happen if you swallow alcohol. Of course, your addiction took full advantage of that loophole, as it does for so many others, and argued that "one or two" won't hurt, if you're careful.

Try abstaining from the benefits of drinking instead, and not from the possible pitfalls. That is, you might reasonably conclude "yes, swallowing alcohol usually makes me feel good all over, and it takes the edge off, but those benefits are what I abstain from."

In that case, you'd finally meet your addiction on its own turf.

No more loopholes. :)

Glad you came right back Horn!

I also struggle with anxiety, and used to think that a glass (or 6) of wine at night helped me relax and be less anxious, but truthfully, it made my anxiety worse the next day.

Your anxiety may initially increase, but it will go down after the first few weeks. Also, seeing your doctor/therapist can help.

One thing I have looked into this year is mindfulness. It has helped me with my anxiety as well. You may want to google it.

Keep posting!

Thinking of you, Horn. Hope it's going well.

Good luck on creating your sober life. It is the best and most important decision to make.

"yes, swallowing alcohol usually makes me feel good all over, and it takes the edge off, but those benefits are what I abstain from."

Interesting concept/approach. Never considered that.