I didn't listen
 

You all gave me some incredible advice over the last year. Too bad I didn't listen.

You told me that it only gets worse if you keep drinking; you told me to strengthen my plan; you told me not to underestimate it; you told me if would require some major life changes, beyond just a committment to not drink.

I knew I was lucky to have a relatively high bottom and I KNEW I should nip it in the bud before I had the job loss, DUI, etc. I was so afraid that I would write this post, and here it is:

On Saturday, I was just going to have a drink. I have no idea what happened the last hour of the night. I don't remember leaving the bar. I don't remember driving. I don't remember paying or saying goodbye to anyone. I don't remember the fall that caused the most massive blood bruise I have ever seen on my back. I remember throwing up a few times.

I woke up and ran outside to look for my car. It was there, even though I had no recollection of it getting there. I then felt withdrawl symptoms so bad that I decided I had to drive myself to Urgent Care. I started my brand new car that I bought 3 weeks ago. It gave a low oil/turn off the car warning that I ignored. I had no idea why the oil was low in a brand new car. Drove 2 blocks, car died. Called for a tow, walked the rest of the way to Urgent Care, still not remembering a good chunk of the previous night.

Here's what happened. I slammed into a rock on the lawn when I missed the driveway. It ripped open my oil pannel, leaking oil everywhere. I must have just pulled back and gone and parked in the garage (where all the remaining oil leaked out). There was no damage to the exterior of the car. I was in such a blackout that even though the car said "low oil" next morning, that didn't trigger my memory of running into a rock. And I was so hungover and out of it I apparently didn't notice the oil all over the garage.

Thanks to my driving with no oil, I destroyed the engine of a three week old car. I have no idea who saw me slam into the rock. I have no idea what it is going to cost to repair it. All I know is that I had an accident while driving drunk and don't remember it.

I know I'm so so lucky to be alive and that I didn't hurt an innocent person. I know how much worse this could have been. But the fact that I let it happen is currently soul crushing.

I have had so so many wake up calls and red flags. I should have gotten this a long, long, long time ago. But this IS rockbottom. I will do WHATEVER it takes to stay sober permanently.

It is a scary feeling to get up and slowly discover pieces of the previous night. I'm glad you are OK and no one was hurt.
Please do heed this wake up call. Thank you higher power or lucky stars and get going in the right direction.

I think we heard portions of this story a couple days ago. Tearing open an oil pan is not easy. Hoping you can go forward from here.

Your post might be quite valuable to someone who is where you were when you heard the good advise offered here. Perhaps they will listen. Perhaps they will not.

Lovetolisten
Well my friend thats quite a story...... you sure do have a guardian angel watching you. Your an alcoholic just like the rest of us we can't have one drink.... believe me I wish I could be normal and have just one drink and be satisfied. In fact when I started this forum this month i thought ill quit for a good 6 months and then maybe I'll start drinking again and just have 1 drink you know like normal people do.
Well after reading everyone's experience here i realize that's not an option for me. Im an alcoholic which started at the age of 13. Its not going to change...yeah I had dry periods when I raised my kids and when I went back to school but it was always there and never went away.
It feels good to be enlightened. 😊

Cars are replaceable..people..not so much! Glad you and every car you passed that night are ok..This coming from a 2 time DUI offender.

I'm glad you didn't hurt yourself or someone else. Do you have a plan to help you stay sober?

If it got better the longer we drank, this forum wouldn't be in existence.

I was told a long time ago "Learn from the mistake of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself."

If your wake up call cost you a car you got off more cheaply than some.

Many, probably most, of us have experienced the "I'm just gonna have a couple and then go home" only to have it turn out very differently. Once that first one goes in, all bets are off.

I have no idea what will happen the next time I drink. That's why I don't.

Glad you're back.
Make a plan.
Work the plan.
You can do this. :ring

I know one thing will happen if I drink: I will die. Not today, or maybe in a few weeks or a couple of months, but I will die and it will be because of alcohol. Full stop.

You have another chance - possibly your last. I hope you make a plan- you know the don't's for sure- and begin the work on it.

Good luck.

I hope this can be the beginning of a better sober life. :)

lovetolisten - we would not be giving you this advice if most of us had not already walked a mile in your shoes when it comes to alcohol. You got lucky and have been given another chance to create a new sober life for yourself where you are in complete control of all your actions/decisions.

We are here for you.

Welcome back Lovetolisten!! :)

Well, I'm glad you made it back to tell us about it.

Time to get a plan I reckon. What do you think? Dee's thread is always a good place to start... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ry-plans.html]

So glad you made it out with only bruises and a broken car. Things could have been much worse.

Prayers for your sobriety and recovery being sent tonight. Take care.

Don't worry about the money, or the car. They pale in comparison to what could have happened. I hope that you are sincere about finally giving up the booze, but do consider voluntarily installing an interlock device in your car.

Most people who don't quit drinking will end up driving drunk more than once, until they finally get caught, and even then, most will re-offend. Until one day, they are forced not to.

That said, what is your plan this time around?

My plan is to actually execute what I have been planning for the last year. Therapy and follow all recommendations. Get back to AA meetings, get back to daily SR, no bars, not going anywhere alcohol is served until I won't be tempted.

Most of all, I am not going to let bargaining be a part of my plan. I have come clean with EVERYONE in my life so that I am accountable. I kept my desire to abstain from alcohol from some people so that I had an escape hatch - I could still drink, somehow, someway. I don't care who finds out I'm a recovering alcoholic. The alternative is to be know as an active alcoholic who is going to jail for alcohol related infractions. I have no illusions that another drunk won't take me there. Unfortunately, I knew it would take something big. I can't let it get any bigger than this. Haven't slept in 4 days over the thought of who I could have killed

It could have been so much worse! You should really consider yourself blessed to be alive, not in jail for a DUI and not facing manslaughter charges for killing someone. Time to take your sobriety seriously before it is too late.

lovetolisten, I was in the same place back in May as you are right now but I wasn't as lucky as you were. I'm glad you weren't hurt.

Use this like I did as the gift that it is. Sobriety isn't always easy but it's far better than drinking (for us anyway).

This is the beginning of a new path for you, heed the warnings and do the work. You've been given a second chance that many don't get.

That's a scary experience and I'm glad that no one was hurt. Blackouts are just plain terrifying. It sounds like you are ready to recommit to recovery, and we are here for you.

It's so good you came back with new resolve. You sound ready to do this - we know you can, LTL. Life will be better than ever.