Confused & Struggling
 

I have never spoken honestly to anyone about my drinking. I can easily drink 4 bottles of wine in one week. I did not think I had a problem. I just got tired of waking up feeling disgusting, so one month ago I decided to quit. The first time I stopped for 3 days and then attended a social event and had a drink. Immediately after this I stopped for 5 days before drinking again. Both times I felt fine. I realise I wasn't really stopping, I was binge drinking instead. I have repeated this cycle 5 times in the past month. The last time I drank was Friday. I woke up on Saturday and felt terrible. I thought I was losing my mind. I was snappy, angry and irritable. The feeling of anxiety was one of overwhelming panic and fear. I felt very shaky and had dizzy spells as though I could pass out. It is now Monday and the severity has subsided, but the fear and anxiety has not. I felt I could have had a panic attack or worse. It just came out of the blue. I am so afraid and do not want to ever feel like that again. I have not had a drink since last Friday and am committed to not drinking again. My husband drinks most nights ( a bottle of wine and cans of lager). This is going to be so hard. I have never discussed my drinking or how I feel with him or anyone. Initially I was thinking I might be able to stop for a few months and then have the occasional drink. I think I know I can never drink again.

hello and welcome

Welcome shazam!

I understand how you are feeling, I felt alot of anxiety when I stopped as well. It seems like the only solution is to just to start by not drinking. If you are having alot of problems then maybe talking with your doctor would be best.

When I first started I wrote out all of the ways I saw that alcohol was creating bad things in my life. By writing it out it really helped my resolve to stop. Anytime I was tempted Id refer back to that list.

There are a ton of great threads here that refer to different approaches so maybe check those out, post here alot, read alot, give yourself permission to heal. It took me the first month before I really started to feel better, not surprising since I was poisoning myself for a long time.

Stay close to us here. Everyone is so helpful and supportive!

Welcome!

Your feelings of panic, anxiety and fear are what happened to me in my binge drinking days and I still remember how miserable it was. My heart would be pounding, sleep would be impossible, just awful.

You will be able to do this and yes, it will be hard. But, it will be worth it.

Do you have a plan in mind for stopping drinking and staying sober. Following is a list of ideas and recovery programs we have used:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Welcome to the Forum Shazam!! :wave:

Those feelings are familiar to me too Shazam. It's no way to live. You can get free. Welcome!

Welcome Shazam!

You will find lots of support on SR. I also deal with anxiety, I have since I've been a kid. I used to think drinking was a way to calm down at the end of a stressful day, but the truth is my anxiety was even worse after drinking.

I am a few days shy of nine months sober, and like you I was a wine drinker. I would usually drink a bottle of wine a night, sometimes more. For the past few years I went between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation. On NYE I decided that 2016 was going to be my first of many sober years, and I am so much healthier physically and mentally than I was last year.

My husband still drinks every night, and some nights he has more than he should. I knew that I had to make this choice for me, and not try to get him to stop with me. It was a little harder in the beginning because he was still drinking, but it isn't anymore. Truthfully, when I smell alcohol on him it makes me want to turn my head away from the smell, and not because I want to drink, but because it smells gross.

I have done many things to work on my recovery, and reading and posting on SR daily has been a big part of it. Join the September class, pop into the 24 hour thread each day.

If you enjoy reading there are many excellent recovery books, Anna has a thread listing them. If you are interested let me know and I can suggest a few of my favorite.

Exercise, meditation, journaling, reading, eating healthy, and checking in on SR daily are the biggest components of my recovery program.

You can do this!! Looking forward to seeing you on SR!

❤️ Delilah

Would letting your husband in on your plans be helpful? If he is still drinking and doesn't even know that you are trying to stop it might make your job all the more difficult.

Hi, shazam-

:welcome

I completely understand this:The feeling of anxiety was one of overwhelming panic and fear. I felt very shaky and had dizzy spells as though I could pass out.

This sounds exactly like what happened to me the day I decided I had my last drink. It was terrifying and I felt certain I wouldn't live through that afternoon.

Reading and posting here, and finding support from many who found sobriety has changed my life. You can be free of all of the anxiety that drinking brings, too :) :hug:

Hello Shazam

Thank you
 

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. I am moved to tears that anyone is remotely interested in my stupid ramblings. I was worried I might have experienced the kindling effect , because I was fine the first 2 times I tried to give up but after that the symptoms became more severe every time I stopped drinking. The 5th time was the scariest, I felt so bad I thought I could just die. It was like my brain was on fire with little explosions going off in my head. I still feel pretty bad today, anxious, fearful, tremors and quite tearful. My father died when he was 44 of an alcohol related illness. I was only a teenager at the time but I remember I was very negative and angry towards him and was not supportive. I feel so bad and guilty about it now and cannot believe I have put myself in the same position. I think it is payback and I deserve everything I am getting, I have earned every symptom I am now feeling. I am trying to hold it all in and altogether. It is a very lonely and shameful place to be. I really hate myself at the moment and feel quite low. I admire the strength of the many people on this boards, please forgive my self pity!

You can do this and it sounds like you are ready.
Best to have a heart to heart talk with your husband.
MB

Welcome aboard Shazam - very glad to have you here :)

Fear and anxiety is pretty much a given for most of us in withdrawal I think - but it does subside. I hope you feel better soon :)

D

Welcome!