When you're lonely.
 

So my coworker was reading a newspaper about the free fall events that will be going on in town the next couple months, and I decided to check it out myself. I kept thinking to myself "oh this seems fun for my weekends when I'm trying to stay sober rather than sitting at home in the silence." And then I think to myself "well crap, I really don't have any friends to go with me." That sucks. I'm not trying to throw a pity party or gain sympathy, but the last few sober weekends have been terrible because I'm sitting at home by myself doing nothing. Can't really go to AA meetings at 10 o lock at night. I'm used to being alone and comfortable with that. But now I need people and don't really have anyone. It's been like this for much of my life and I'm certain I will pick up again tonight.

No, don't drink. Pour it out so you're not tempted. Take a shower. Eat ice cream. Do calisthenics. Clean the kitchen. Just don't drink.

And yes, being lonely is really hard. Good thing you can reach out here :-) Your profile says Nashville. I've never been there. What's it like?

I am sad you are alone and lonely. How about hanging with us tonight? There's always someone here. There is always the chat room too.
Just don't drink. It won't help a thing. It'll only make you feel worse.
I hope you feel better soon.

CP,
That's your av talking... You know in your heart drinking isn't the answer. Do anything else. You can get through this and wake up happy you did. If you drink it's only going to make the lonliness worse. Give yourself time to get out and meet people.. I'm on your team,,,,, A-team....please.

I hear you in the loneliness and boredom. I'm 11 days sober and going through it. I feel the temptation but absolutely wI'll not act on it. It's just how we are wired right now. Be strong it will pass, boredom and loneliness is much better than relapse.

Thank you everyone. I ended up somehow distracting myself enough to the point where I know I'm not going to drink tonight. Just don't know how many nights like this I can keep stringing along. I did buy beer on my way home from work, but I don't want to drink it now, and I've already taken my sleep meds. (But then again when did taking sleep meds stop anyone from drinking? Ha.)
After tonight, I won't really have a chance to drink until next weekend, so more than likely I'll just get rid of it before then.

Thanks to each and every one of you.

Hi CP. Glad to hear you didn't pick up. Sorry you feel alone. I am in a similar situation because when I was drinking I didn't keep a lot of friendships alive and/or some friends didn't want to be around me when I was drinking.

However, I have faith this will change as I continue to be sober and begin to nurture my old and new friendships as a reliable, trustworthy, pleasant person.

Hopefully, you can donate the beer you bought to a neighbor and maybe work some things out through the week in preparation for next weekend.

Have you tried Meetups? I live in Nashville too and I am an occasional leader on a hiking meetup downtown on Wednesdays at 6:30. Lots of opportunities to make friends and get out there.

Thinking of you, ((((CP)))). Pour that stuff out or give it away today. It is too tempting to have it in the house.

Sorry you are struggling with loneliness. We're here for you! I know it isn't the same as f2f, but at least it is something. PHAZE-TWO had what seems like a good suggestion. Kinda wish I could find something like that here. I have lots of friends, but they all drink. I used to have friends over at my house all the time but since I quit drinking, they haven't been coming around. Guess they are worried about drinking in front of me. I've told them they need to trust me enough to tell them when I can't be around alcohol and when I can. (And yes, I know some would say I shouldn't be around it at all, but I'm trying to be realistic and realize that is nearly impossible...) It hurts that they don't come around, but it makes me realize maybe they weren't really my friends in the first place. Anyway... I'm rambling. Too much coffee this morning while writing my super-long post on A-team thread...

Hang in there, girl. You got this. It will get better if you don't pick up...

Hi CajunPrincess, I was definitely in the same situation as you when I got sober at the end of 2014 and I still occasionally feel lonely but at least being sober means you can eventually try a few things out that involve non alcohol based social interaction like volunteering or arts&crafts. This has the added benefit of occupying your mind at a time when the cravings (for most people) are at their worst

I am assuming that you quit in August so it is still early days, once you have a bit of sober time built up you can be a bit more proactive in making new friends

Congratulations on not drinking last night

I think that's why it's good to connect with sober friends outside of meetings as well. Often it shuts for coffee or a walk out somewhere, but then when there are events it's good to have someone that I can text or call and say "hey, fancy coming to ....... with me?" It's worth making an effort to initiate these support networks. Meetings are just the start of the fellowship can become.

Glad you didn't take that drink. Please get those beers out of temptations way though.

I didn't have many friends when I was drinking, the reality was I went out with other people that drank, we didn't talk other than when drinking and then I went home alone to drink some more on my own, when I got Sober I was very very alone, and that was simply a continuation of where I had been for many years.

If I'm being honest I still don't have many friends, but I have a few, Sobriety is a great foundation to build a life upon, what's your interests? what do you want to do with your free time?

I ended up getting involved in my local Ice Hockey supporters club, in the past I would simply drink at games, go home and wake up with a hangover, I began to rekindle my old interest of Chess once again, started to go to coffee shops and play games, and with every connection came the foundation of a friendship, it can be done, friendships without alcohol are out there, they won't happen over night, but they can be created!!

Hang in there!! :)

I'm glad that you got through the night.

Have you tried meetup. It's a website where you can search for any kind of activities in your area. It's a great way to meet people. Volunteer work is also a great way to meet people and to give back and feel good about yourself.

Thanks for all the responses! also, I have never heard of the site meetup, but I just joined and am exploring it now. :herewego

Go early to AA meetings and stick around after the meetings to socialize a bit. It's a good way to make some friends.

Once you get to know some people on a personal level, you may find a few who have the same interests as you. You might find some friends to hang out with and you can feel safe that the option of drinking won't come up.

Hang in there and find a meeting! Any meeting that you can squeeze into your schedule. In my experience, finding AA was like finding instant friends and activity-filled nights/weekends. If you have an unconventional schedule, there are likely meetings in your area that accommodate it. I was never bored or alone in my free time unless I wanted to be. You could also take a class or volunteer somewhere or use meetup, like you mentioned.

As for the beer you bought, try changing a few things around to avoid this. You could take a different route on your way home to avoid places that sell booze. Or, if it's unavoidable (which I understand because I live in a city), try buying a new wallet or even just putting something in your wallet to signify that you've made the decision to change. Anything that signifies change and causes you to pause when faced with those impulses or surprise decisions will help you stick with your plan.

If you stick with your plan, the thought of drinking will lessen so much with time that you'll rarely ever notice that beer store when you walk by it...

i took the long way home to avoid the liqueur store for almost a year before I felt confident enough to drive past it. And as for those events? Who says you need a friend or companion? You can still have fun, mingle, stay busy and just might meet a friend with common interests.