I don't like nightclubs because they are loud and I don't find that I connect with people well. There was a time in my life when I liked going out dancing but I don't really like it anymore. I'm finding myself wondering though if dancing would be fun again someday.

Anyway even when I was drinking I would tell people I don't like nightclubs but I do like them, the person who invited me. Point being if someone invites me it's because they like me and think they would enjoy my company and I want to make sure they know that I'm rejecting the night club and not their company. People are understanding and if they aren't it's because they don't want my company, they just want to party and are looking for someone to reinforce the activity.

There's nothing wrong with saying "you might find this hard to believe lol but I have social anxiety and I also don't drink so nightclubs aren't really my scene. I'm really glad you invited me because I'd love to hang out sometime but believe me you don't want to see me in a nightclub!" It's true, you're not lying, and you're not rejecting them. You could, if you want, invite them to a different, less triggering (of social anxiety and of drinking) activity and see if they are down.

Best to find out now if they are looking for a collection of people to party with or real actual friends.

BBQ this afternoon. I have two cold Coke Zeros in the cooler. Im going to sit down and pretend its perfectly normal.

Drank my cokes and tried to smile at all the right jokes. Didnt feel quite right at the BBQ but feel way better now. Nice to be able to drive home safe and have a good night sleep.

Soberwoilf is right - noones owed an essay on this.
'I can't go, sorry' is enough.

I used to feel very self con scious about turning down invites or not drinking...It was a while before I learned that noones owed a long story about me and my alcoholism.

Not only that, but most peoples eyes glazed over - they're just not that interested or invested in me and struggles....

D

Thanks guys. I'm not going to go into any kind of long winded discussion. However I am thinking of telling him the truth. Just short and sweet, one sentence.

You know the stigma of alcoholism tho...once that 'A-word genie' is out of the bottle you won't get it back in Smilax.

If this guy is a co worker I'd want him to be VERY VERY trustworthy before I shared that info.

D

What sentence were you think of?

That's true. However I didn't say the A word. I said I stopped drinking and was drinking too much, didn't think a night club was a good location and also that I didn't do nightclubs anyway much. Then just proceeded to ask how he was doing. He hasn't replied yet. In truth I don't like this job anyway lol. However I'm good at it and my manager hand picked me and relies on me so I don't think I would get on trouble. I'm friends with all the people there including my manager. It's an extremely laid back work environment. Although my manager is an insane micromanager who is extremely stressful to work with. She doesn't really realise it and stems from her own anxiety, frankly it was a trigger for my drinking.

When I went out Saturday night and several people asked to buy me drinks I told them I am not drinking anymore. They asked why and I said it just doesn't fit in with my personal and professional goals and I was wasting too much time on it. They were all pretty receptive which surprised me. I think people who make that decision and have enough insight to make that type of change are brave, and if other people don't like it well F---- them. I've actually been getting mad because I've been noticing how many commercials and ads there are for alcohol. It's so annoying.

The title of this thread is ringing true in my life. More phone calls today. More invites out. More and more ways im going have to figure out what i can do and what i cant. Im going to get fat drinking all this Coke but i need to have something to drink while sitting there. I said no to a couple invites but my excuses were flimsy.

Don't worry about excuses to not drink. You know what you have to do.

"it just doesn't fit in with my personal and professional goals " -
beautifully put, Optimini :tyou