Too Much?
 

So I'm coming up on five months - which is a good thing, but I realize this is all still very new.

In those five months, I've landed a new job for significantly more money and now am about to buy a house and move. I'd been thinking about getting a house with a finished basement for my son, who is a teenager and a musician (plays guitar, drums and he also has all this recording and mixing equipment) - so I found one close by and pounced.

So I'm learning the ins and outs of a job in a new industry - I'm already sort of stressed about delivering a presentation in late October - and it looks like if all goes well we will close on a new house toward the end of September.

I was really sick all week but pushed on through it, but today I notice really bad feelings of irritability, fatigue and CRAVINGS. Could some of this be due to my trying to "make up for lost time" so to speak by trying to do too much, too soon?

I haven't been working out like I did while still drinking (paradoxically) - there's been no time!!! I don't know - something about my life doesn't "feel" right but I keep telling myself not to rely too heavily on "feelings" since I am being so - uh - productive. ????

I guess I can't really say if you're "doing too much." But I can say that around that same time, one week I would feel like painting my whole house or doing something I had put off for a long time and a week or two later I felt like you do now. I don't think I was overdoing it at those times at all. I do think it kind of just comes and goes in cycles for a while the first year.

At 5 months, what isn't right is your body is finally starting to adjust to the idea it may never have any more alcohol, it took me 6 months to finally start to see some light at the end of the tunnel, emotions were all over the place, plenty of highs and lows.

All of those things going on without also adjusting to Sobreity would be stressful, so don't be too hard on yourself . . . you're doing great, 5 Months is fantastic!! :You_Rock_

Being sick knocks me around physically and mentally, madgirl.
Feeling bad always made me want to drink and it stayed that way for a little while after I quit.

Feeling cravings is not a sign of failure - it's what we do in response to the cravings that's shows the quality of our recovery I think.

Sounds like you might be a little out of balance too - can you delegate some of your duties or at least make an effort to enjoy some down time?

D

Congratulations - im 5 months as well and have lots of emotions still going on. You should be very proud of your achievement- only you know if your doing too much and if you are then why you are. Dont forget to have some me time and spoil yourself.

I guess I need to carve out some time for AA or some kind of group. I had it in my mind that we're not supposed to make major decisions in the first year of sobriety - and these are pretty major decisions -

I think firstly it's a rule of thumb, not a rule :)

and second, I've always taken it to mean unnecessary changes...if we don't make changes getting sober we're going to be stuck in a world we used to have to drink over, only now not drinking....

That doesn't sound like fun - and recovery should be a little fun :)

D

Madgirl,

For me, living life sober has been learning how to live again.

At 5 months, I was still pretty jacked up mentally.

I worked out a bunch w my new physical energy.

Definitely didn't attempt any new work moves, but I am in a job w no promotion potential.

Basically, I was mentally damaged pretty bad at 5 months. But, everyone is different.

F2f at AA was a nice addiction to my sober lifestyle. Listening to my peers w way more experience kept me grounded. For example, we had a gal from our group commit suicide overy this booze addiction we all have.

Learning that really made me ultra serious about keeping my sobriety a priority.

Thanks for the post.

Getting sober is a major change.

We make a lot of major changes in the first year, in fact, life is a series of constant major changes.

Nothing wrong with all that you are doing, but if you aren't also looking inside of you, then maybe that needs to change, too?

This

5 months is great, I once was sober for 7 months and had the feeling something was not quite right and my mind thought it's the alcohol I'm missing so I started to think about drink more and eventually drank that was the start of another one of my relapses.

Regarding relapse - I absolutely do not trust myself, and that is why I keep bouncing things off you guys here. I mean, I have successfully said "no thanks" several times to a drink - and that's good - but it only takes that one time.
These are positive external changes but stressful all the same - and there is this low level feeling of a strange boredom and irritability. Maybe I have no idea how to feel content with "normal".

Boredom and irritability aren't out of the ordinary in early sobriety. I had anger and rage as well. Lots of emotions surfacing and limited coping skills, for me, anyway. I struggled to process things for the very first time as a sober adult. I'd been drinking for about 15 years solid.

I think, on one hand, it's smart that you don't completely trust yourself not to drink. But... I do think you CAN trust yourself.

Learning to trust myself was such a critical part of my own recovery.

The way I approached it was to know for a fact it was absolutely possible for me to never pick up another drink again. I took comfort and assurance in that fact.

And so over time, I lived it out ... I did not pick up a drink in the varying faces of stress and how it presented itself to me. I did anything but drink. And that is how I learned to live sober. Confidence will come at that point. And it's not false confidence, and not a precarious confidence ... it will be strong confidence that you can indeed live well without drinking.

Congrats on 5 months.

You didn't invent trying to make up for lost time. We all do that.

Just keep in mind one thing that the NA basic text says "social acceptability does not equal recovery".

Nothing wrong with what you are doing, but it isn't a replacement for doing the work (with help) to figure out why you got loaded in the first place and to learn how to navigate life and your feelings.

I can't tell you how many people I see in NA who get their lives back together and end up relapsing time and time again. Don't misunderstand, there's nothing wrong with getting your life in order, but it's not recovery.

Ok.
What is recovery then?

I'm not going to speak for IvanMike cos I got it wrong last time :)

I think a recovery plan is a great idea for everyone, regardless of time sober...you may well be doing most if to all of these things already...but I hope there may be some other things you may not have thought of in here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

I still want to re-terate balance has been key for me .

If your life is all work I reckon it's as out of balance as it would be if it was all play :)

D

One thing I am learning about my own recovery, madgirl, is about acceptance. There is so much in my life that seems intolerable at times. Intolerable until I turn my heart toward acceptance. Sometimes I just have to accept my fears, too.

Bless you for your five months. Fantastic! And, congratulations on your new job and home.

When I had about one month clean, I first met the man I asked to sponsor me and saw him speak at a meeting. He talked about how he used to feel. - Uncomfortable in his own skin, he had a thousand voices in his head that all hated him, and he couldn't look in the mirror.

I sat up straight. This was how I felt. Then this man told me that today he was comfortable with himself, he was able to tell the voices in his head to shut up, and that he could look in the mirror and tell himself that he loved himself, and the mirror agreed. - That's recovery.

Later on he told me that if I stayed clean and went on this journey through the steps and learned to apply them in my life he couldn't promise that "it would be OK. But he promised that I could get better. He didn't lie. That experience is also recovery.

I've slowly learned how to handle my feelings and the events of life. I've been able to get a better and more realistic perspective. I've built real connections with people. I've begun to give of myself without motive. All that is recovery too.

I've learned to live my life according to a set of values and principles and to not violate them even when I know it would feel in the short term. I can sleep at night and I can look in the mirror. That's recovery.

I've learned that I don't have to scratch just because it itches. That's recovery.

Drugs and alcohol weren't my problem, they were my misguided solution for the bigger problem. Sex, food, etc sort of worked, but drugs came the closest to giving me the peace and serenity that I sought, but at a terrible cost which included ultimately feeling worse. Learning a better way to achieve the peace I sought is recovery, and it takes time and effort, and a lot of help.

Hi madgirl, many congrats on achieving 5 months, you are doing so well. When drinking we let life slide by, we procrastinate, deal with it tomorrow etc etc but eventually tomorrow catches up and all of the tangled mess of a life on standby mode has to be faced. Usually in the first months of recovery. All we can do is try to tackle each problem or challenge one problem at a time bearing in mind that the biggest priority is staying sober.... Without that nothing gets done.
Changes in the early months for some of us are unavoidable, I have to sell my house(no choice) I have to find a job, no choice, I have no money, my relationship of 6 years ended 3 months ago so I'm on my own but that's ok. All I can do is face each day one day at a time, if I project into the future too much then my head hits the panic button so slowly slowly for me.
You can do this you know, that presentation you fear, if well prepared will be a breeze and you'll wonder what the hell was all that worry about. You'll move house into a new home where you will make happy new sober memories.
All will be well.
Elle

I just wanted to say thank you for those well crafted responses - you have given me alot to consider. Dee those recovery plan tips are intense - I don't think even normal, non addicted people script out that level of daily planning, and would benefit by using some of those ideas. (Nutrition, hydration, physical activity, communication with partner/immediate family, journalling, etc)

Regarding the "steps". - yes, I see where working them initiates internal changes. My biggest fear is the level of trust Id need to work with a "sponsor" - surrendering that much personal information will make me vulnerable and open to "predatory" types - does that make sense?