Day 12 still feeling very tired but definitely starting to feel a bit better in myself and the sugar cravings are no where near as bad thankfully.

My usual think on a Friday is to drink until blackout but my plan tonight is to have my daughters friends round for a sleepover, cook something nice and then chill out whilst they giggle and whisper upstairs in her room. I'm actually ashamed that we have had her or my sons friends round for sleepovers in the past and I drank without even thinking it was wrong.

Have a great night and great weekend Oswin :)

D

My plan for the weekend consists of Friday night AA 12 &12 meeting, which I always look forward to because there are some lovely people there, with strong and healthy sobriety who always give me hope and strength, and help me by sharing their experiences, insight and wisdom. I've also got the meat in my slow cooker ready to make a healthy version of enchiadas. Smells good already.
Tomorrow is a Hen do for my old best drinking buddy. I'm a joint maid of honour (or, as she calls is Maid of Horror) which means she's put me in charge of the afternoon hen event ("because you're a boring b*****d now innit!" - charming! ! Lol). I am grateful for her attitude, because it's this that will leave me completely guilt free when I don't stay toooooo long at the evening shenanigans (although how I will tear myself away from all those 'intresting' drunk women is beyond me lol). I know I will not drink, or feel the urge to. I will take care of myself and avoid the HALT (Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired ) triggers any which way I can, and I will contact sober friends in recovery for support if I need it to deal with those triggers or anything else. I will ensure that I have a good solid exit strategy. I will remember that everything there is responsible for themselves, and I did not cause their problems, I cannot control their behaviour. I cannot cure it. I will use the serenity prayer to focus back in on what I CAN change, and I will pray for the wisdom to do the next best thing, and protect my sobriety.

On Sunday I will avoid social media and horrible hen night photos. I will spend time with some sane people, at church, and on here, and in the fellowship.

So, that's my plan so far.

Great to see you thinking ahead with a plan. You can do this. Do anything except drink. Don't allow yourself to do it no matter how overwhelming it would feel. I always thought of how bad I'd feel if I gave in to the urge. I'd feel much worse after I had that drink and I know it, than while I was doing it, so I never gave in. Get you some grapes, ice cream, whatever soda or tea or flavored water you enjoy. Be kind to yourself, I bet it's been a while since you've done that. First month especially concentrate on just not drinking and looking at what you can change in your daily habits to make your new life easier. Can't lead a sober life living in your old drunk one. Things have to change. (Hug)! Be strong! Post your guts out here! Dee has wonderful links that he shares and I shared some of those in one of my blogs. Get a plan, stick to it...have a backup if that alcoholic voice gets strong! I'm just trying to be your cheerleader here :)

Berrybean well done on your plan. Still being involved in your friends hen events and already knowing you can leave without anyone being upset is awesome.

KeyofC I appreciate the cheer leading :o)

Well, you know, they may well be upset. I used to get upset and angry about all kinds of rubbish when I was drinking. But I need to remember not to be fear led, and that includes being fearful of being criticized, ridiculed, humiliated, etc. Others will do what they want, but I need to do what is necessary to protect my sobriety. And she knew this when she asked me to be her maid of honour. She's got plenty of 'interesting' active alcoholic friends she could have asked if she'd wanted to.

I'm going to take some advice from you and not be fearful of drinkers comments and what people think. Being sober and staying sober is what's important. Have a fabulous time at the hen do

Although I am not a Catholic, I came across the Litany of Humility and use that a lot. It will be tucked into my purse ready for a quick pray in the loos tomorrow lol.




The Litany of Humility

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart,*Hear me.*
From the desire of being esteemed,*Deliver me, O Jesus.*
From the desire of being loved,*Deliver me, O Jesus.*
From the desire of being extolled,*etc.*
From the desire of being honored,*
From the desire of being praised,*
From the desire of being preferred to others,*
From the desire of being consulted,*
From the desire of being approved,*

From the fear of being humiliated,*
From the fear of being despised,*
From the fear of suffering rebukes,*
From the fear of being calumniated,*
From the fear of being forgotten,*
From the fear of being ridiculed,*
From the fear of being wronged,*
From the fear of being suspected,

That others may be loved more than I,*Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.*
That others may be esteemed more than I,*Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.*
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase*and I may decrease,*etc.*
That others may be chosen and I set aside,*
That others may be praised and I go unnoticed,*
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,

Made it through a Friday night. Wasn't even tempted to drink. Hope that feeling lasts, i'm enjoying the fact my head isn't fuzzy and I can remember what I've done or where I put thinks. Many mornings after drinking I'd spend ages looking for my phone or my glasses because I put them somewhere drunk.

Also enjoying being hangover free lost count of the wasted days recovering. Not missing that feeling at all.

So feeling positive at day 13.

:grouphug: :scoregood

Went to the pub today with family and a friend after a nice day out. The beer was flowing but I stuck to soft drinks. My AV was at me but I ignored it. But left feeling tired out and grumpy.

My husbands birthday weekend next weekend involves drinking, off to Ireland to visit my brother and family week after involves drinking. Going for a weekend away when back with the DH and friends involves drinking. I just get bored and grumpy when everyone's drinking. I'm not using it as an excuse to drink and as long as I don't have that first drink will be fine. I'm sure it will get easier. I will just have to start enjoying life sober more.

Maybe not go to these occasions?

Not got any choice in the first 2. My husbands birthday is at my house and going to Ireland I'm going to meet my new baby nephew for the first time and not missing that for the world. I will just busy myself with the kids and try not to be a grinch.

Just make sure that you prepare yourself for these occasions. It can make such a difference.

Feeling really low and sorry for myself today. Went for a run didn't snap me out of it. Just feel like no one gets what I'm going through. Obviously everyone here does thankfully.

Just so tired and drained. I know I will have up and down days. I just feel really isolated, I work from home, I don't drive (I am planning on rectifying that once I have a few months sober going to take lessons again). My friends and family all drink and would never face up to if they have a problem or not. The only person who doesn't drink is my mum but not sure want to burden her with my moaning.

Obviously just having a down day. Just feel that I will do the same as before get a few months under my belt and just think everyone else is drinking. I have no support, may as well join them.

Need to shake myself out of my pity party! Thanks for letting me vent.

It's a lonely old place to find yourself at first. I know AA has been suggested before, and you were thinking about it but concerned about anxiety. It is a chicken and egg problem, recovery. AA can help with the anxiety and loneliness, but you need to be willing to lean into the fear a bit to be in a position to benefit from the fellowship, and the experience, strength and hope you'd find at the meetings.

I was in the happy position of welcoming a newcomer last night. She spend that meeting wiping tears from her cheeks that rolled down as she listened to people speak, amazed to have found others who think and feel like she does. Today I went to a meeting and it was lovely to see her there. She only had a few tears today, and was even able to share a little of her experiences with alcohol and anger (anger was the topic chosen today in the As Bill Sees It meeting). I think she was pretty amazed that she'd managed to share. It was a nice small meeting though which probably helped her. She seems keen to keep coming back, as she's been sober for a few months, then had a recent relapse, and feels the need to reach out and stop being alone. I hope she does. And I hope that you decide to give it a go. There is no need to be isolated and do this journey alone.

I hope you feel a little better this evening. BB

I Like what D says about bad days that they are just that a bad day not week month year even

Going for that run has helped even if it hasn't shifted the mood sometimes I do push ups pull ups and sit ups to shake a mood followed by belly breathing exercises

Yeah I know your right I just woke up feeling off and I'm sure a good nights sleep will shift it. Thanks for your support and understanding

I'm not sure about AA for a couple of reasons one being my anxiety and one being the fact I am not religious. I think I would feel a bit of a hypocrite. I do appreciate your help and advice

I'd say that in the uk most people who go to AA aren't religious. It's a higher power of their own understanding. Doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's not yourself. There are all kinds of ideas out there. Nature, science, Great Out Doors, Good Orderly Direction, Group Of Drunks, I-dont-know-but-its-not-me, etc. etc. etc.