Relapsing
 

4 days.
I lasted 4 days.
And I could give the excuse of issues in my private life but at the end of the day it was my choice. For the first time I'm realising how tough this is going to be, I enjoy the sensation of being drunk, I enjoy drinking. But I can see this is a problem that's progressively getting worse and worse. I feel I'm learning a lot about myself, I need to find peace with myself and to let go of all the anxiety and doubts and just be peaceful.
I've also realised I need to stop going through this on my own. Therefore I've decided to write a to do list publicly and I welcome any further advice.

1. I am going to visit my doctors and I'm going to try and ask for help. This is the one thing that feels me with terror, it's easy to type and say I have a problem but I've never really admitted it out loud, It literally makes me feel sick thinking about it.

2. I am going to try and attend a local AA meeting. I've been saying this for about 2 years but I'm determined to do it.

3. I am going to try and get a more balanced diet and focus on exercise to distract me from drinking.

4. I am going to try and post regularly on here to try and track my progress.

I welcome any advice from all you, thank you.

Its as if I was posting this thread. Wow.

I cashed in a three year chip. In 2007. I feel as if I barely made it back on May 11 of this year. 9. Wasted. Years.

My current program includes a good diet, meetings, exercise, and I have now added this website in order to connect with others who share my addiction. It's as simple as 24 hours at at time for me right now. Sometimes, it's a minute at a time. So many have come before me and made it. I want what they have so I am doing what they did.

For what it's worth, you aren't alone.

Relapse is not inevitable and it's not a part of recovery...but it is pretty common for us to underestimate this task - but once you realise that, it's also pretty easy to add other things to your 'toolbox' and get this sober thing right :)

I recommend everyone find support, and use it when you need it. There's a number of good threads here to join like the Class of July Support thread or the 24 hour recovery connections thread to committ publicly to 24 hours more recovery.

Also, make the changes in your lifestyle or way of thinking that you know you need to make to reflect your desire to be sober.

If you want change, make change :)

Make your recovery plan as good as you can get it. There are some really great ideas here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

Welcome aboard.

Imo...

4 days is the beginning of mental anxiety. Most of the booze is out of your system.

Your body starts to heal. The crave is strong.

If we wake up ea. Day prepared to remind ourselves, all day, we are addicts....it puts us in a position to embrace our sobriety and fight our addiction.

That is what I do anyway.

I like the commitment in your post.
Yup. That's a harsh realization, but a necessary one.

Don't be surprised if your doctor isn't very helpful. They mean well, but very few are trained to treat the breathtakingly bad decision making that comes with addiction. I have found others who have suffered / recovered and those who specialize in it to be much more helpful.

Best of Luck on Your Journey. :ring

Too many "try to" do things on the list, not enough "will do" things.

You can do this, if you are ready. Telling your doctor is a huge step, and as worried as you are about that part of it, you will feel a huge relief I bet when you leave that office. I cried the entire time I was at the doctor's office but felt the burden lift when I was listened to and helped. :grouphug:

^^^This,

Drinking is a choice. Not drinking is a choice.

We have all tried. It does not work for an alcoholic.

Hope you make the right choice.

I highly advise you about talking to a doctor and going to an AA meeting. It will make your alcoholism REAL. I did the same two things before I finally hung up the towel and yes I relapsed a few times. Going to a doctor helped me recognize that this is officially an issue and the AA meeting was the big leap into the recovery pool. And soon after I started to see a therapist as well which I recommend doing if not only to root any deep issues but to simply galvanize your choice in sobriety. Don't make it your little secret anymore that you think you can sweep under the rug without anyone knowing your weakness. You don't have to be loud and proud about it but it doesn't hurt. I wear mine on my sleeve. I don't wag the finger at people but if they ask I don't shy away from it. Make your choice a badge of honor. Make your journey something to be proud of, blemishes and all. Write a blog. Document your journey. I did. I started a year before I actually quit and I still look back on those days. yeah, wow, actually thought I could control it. WTF! Get active. Start walking, running, biking MOVING! Occupy your time with any dumb thing you can think of. What interests you? Speakers? Go to Best Buy at night and stare at speakers. WHATEVER. Sobriety is full of ups and downs but really that's just life and better to be there instead of swimming in a bottle of broken dreams.

I had to go to the doctor for a physical before starting treatment. It was the first time I was truthful about how much I really drank. I cried and cried. But he didn't judge. He just said he was happy that I was going to stop poisoning myself. It was a huge relief. And It made it easier for me to be honest after that, too.

You've gotten some great advice. The only thing I would add is that you may want to be careful about this: "3. I am going to try and get a more balanced diet and focus on exercise to distract me from drinking." I've tried to tackle diet and drinking at the same time before, and it's never worked for me. The drinking has to be the top priority, at least at the beginning. Good luck talking to your doctor. :grouphug:

I'm glad that you're ready to do this and you recognize that it will be very hard.

I hope that you do all the things on your list and anything else that will help you to get and stay sober.

In order to get and stay sober, you must want to be sober more than you want to drink. That is paramount. :) If you want sobriety that much, you will attain it. :)

Welcome Shebasuki. Let us know how the doctor's visit, and the AA meeting goes. I relapsed more than once, myself. Many of us have. This place has helped me a lot.