Chickenlady's Accountability thread
 

I hope that this is appropriate, I think having a thread that I can view my journey and check in each day would be a good idea for me. So here goes day one. Recommitting to sobriety and keeping a clear head. At the beginning of summer I decided I was going to work on being a healthier, well rounded person in my 30s and generally better than I was in my 20s. Which led me to thinking I could drink as long as I practiced moderation. It worked, but only for a little while, and I'm embarrassed that I couldn't be like my other friends and just have a cocktail and be done. It's terrifying having to be an all or nothing person.

So here I am being a non-drinker, I have no idea why I have so much shame in that when I will proudly state that I quit smoking and am a non-smoker for many years now. I feel like my sobriety has to be a secret like it's a bigger judgement being labeled an alcoholic in recovery and my drunk black out state is romanticized. Society is funny that way I guess.

So another thing I'll do here is daily gratitude and a one liner about something beautiful in my life (be prepared to read a ton about my baby girl, sorry in advance lol!) I'm currently reading Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project and I'm catching a lot of inspiration from it.

🌻When you feel like giving up on recovery, remember why you've held on for so long.🌻

Congratulations. Accountability threads help, I believe. And I love hearing about kiddos.....I have a big baby girl so I'll relate!

Excellent idea

That's a great idea chickenlady. I look forward to being on this journey with you and seeing you grow xxx

Sounds like a great idea! I know posting in the June class thread has helped me tremendously with my accountability. :)

I definitely hear you about the shame. Unfortunately, our society is such a catch 22. Alcohol seems to be shoved in your face almost everywhere and then for those of us that can't handle it we are shamed and ostracized. I think the tide is starting to turn slightly on that though. I am just now starting to get comfortable with admitting I am an alcoholic and I have secretly known I was for about 8 years.

I've heard a lot of great things about that book...I might have to check it out :)

Thank you for the support!
Haley, so far I like it, makes a lot of sense for my life right now. I live a really good one, but I'm constantly negative and feeling unhappy for no good reason. Add in the excessive drinking, and it's a miserable life for such a lucky gal. So I'm out to appreciate my family, my work, and myself and not dwell in negativity. Kicking the booze to the curb will add so much happiness to my life, I know it will.

Rocking the baby to sleep so taking a moment to reflect on day one.
First, I'm grateful to have a place like sr that I can reach out in a moments notice and find people that want me to succeed.

Today's beautiful moment: watching our 7 year old son walk our 8 month old daughter around the house, her tiny hands wrapped around his dirty fingers.

Life is beautiful, I can do this sobriety thing, I can make my life something well lived and not just a blur ending in a painful alcohol related death.

Getting day two underway! Here's my plan for the day, be firm but gentle with myself. Stay busy, stay positive. First I've got to work, blech. 😣
After work I'm headed to Crossfit to lift some weight, then heading home for a big dinner, shower, play with my kids, finish folding laundry, then in bed early to finish the Happiness Project book. I also need to make some plans for this long weekend we're about to have. Since I'm sitting in my car, I definitely need to add cleaning the car to the list. It's pretty gross, but kids destroy your stuff.
🌻🌻Positive vibes only for today. 🏖🦄

Doing great x

I love your thread!

Your doing great! :c011:
Plans are huge, especially early on. Great that you realize that. Now just keep building on it :)

That sounds like an amazing day you've got planned!!!

Thanks all!
Haley, I've failed so many times before and I know it's because I didn't have a real plan.

My workout was good, I actually cried because I couldn't make the lift like I wanted, but it's all in my head and I just need to keep practicing. I failed my jerks, it's a pretty tough lift for me and I just couldn't get myself under the darn bar. I got stuck at the gym due to the downpour, so I hung out and worked on progressing my pullups till the rain died down.
Got back, ate a ton of food, chatted with hubs, played with kids, now I just need to fold the dang laundry. I really hate it for some reason, folding laundry is just awful.
Told the hubs that I was putting maximal effort towards quitting drinking, he agreed that it was definitely time and he'd been worried about how many bottles were going into the trash. Basically, I gotta do this or I'm gonna die.

Today's gratitude is for my understanding husband. He knows how big this is for me and I know he'll be supportive. Life is changing for us and we're growing up and changing together, this is a giant change for our family, but it is the best thing I can do for us.

Today's beautiful moment: I walked in to the bean's room this morning with a big smile and said, "HI GOOD MORNING BEAUTIFUL!!" and I swear she said HI back!! Also with a big fat smile for me.❤❤❤❤

🌻🌻"Every new day is a chance to change your life." 🌻🌻

I meant to write out my plan this morning, but didn't make the time. I think my baby may be getting a sinus infection, so I only worked four hours and then brought her home. Gave her some tylenol and sprayed saline in her nose, which she hated. She has a doc appointment next week and she's been pretty happy, I think she just wanted her mommy. So we ran our pre holiday grocery store errands, we have tons of meat and veggies, all very healthy food. I'm waiting for the hubs to get home, then I'm headed to the gym for a pretty brutal workout.
Friday nights we typically snack and watch movies, and I'm going to finally finish my book, since Wy wants to go to the library tomorrow afternoon. I plan to keep myself busy and if I start to feel fidgety then I'll just go to bed. I didn't sleep very well last night so I'll probably be ready to sleep by 7 tonight. I'll still do my gratitude and beautiful moment check in before bed, I just need to suck down some coffee before I get to the gym. Super tired over here. 😪

Sounds like a wonderful day so far. Keep it up you inspire me xxx

Today has been a major challenge. I'm super emotional and some of that is probably due to my monthly chick hormones. Being a lady is the pits sometimes.
My best buddy came to me looking for booze when she had a rough day, and when I told her that I was getting sober she was less than supportive. I told her, good thing I wasn't doing it for her and told her she was being a jerk and that I was being serious. She is a normal drinker and really doesn't understand what the issue is. She ended up hanging out and chatting for a bit and we had a nice time.

Day 3 is over!! I am going to lie in bed, sip my tea, and read my book. Feeling pretty great about it too.

Today's beautiful moment, my baby has been sick and just wanted her mommy, so I rocked her to sleep. She has some sort of sinus flare up and her little nasal whimpers were just so adorable and sad all the same time.

Today's gratitude is for my gym and all the people in it. I am so grateful to be a part of such an encouraging and loving crossfit community. I killed my workout today💪. I didn't struggle with hydration and I felt like such a bad ass 🦄. My coach and gym mates were hollering and congratulating my efforts. Made me feel amazing. Love them!

🌻🌻The best project you'll ever work on is you.🌻🌻

Good for you on day 3 :c011: it's tough for those without the obsession to drink to understand what it's like for those of us who have it. I can't understand compulsive gambling, for example. But I guess maybe that's cuz I'm such a cheapskate... And not optimistic about winning 😜

Glad u had a good workout. Do any snatches or cleans today?

I did squats and bench presses and a nasty pull up ladder at my box today

Working out is fantastic sober!

3 days - a wonderful accomplishment Chickenlady. Proud of you. :)

Zenlifter, I'm supposed to be working on snatches right now, but I woke up with a sore throat and feel like crud. Thinking my baby must have passed along her sickness to me. If I feel better later in the day, I'll make it my evening activity.

Hawkeye, this was nuts what we did: "DianneFranElizabeth” Complete for time of:
21-15-9
Handstand Push-ups
Deadlifts (225/155)
Thrusters (95/65)
Pull-ups
Squats Cleans (135/95)
Ring Dips
So I banded and scaled all of the bodyweight movements, I'm a big gal and these are tough for me, but I'm getting better. I Rxd all but the squat clean that I left at 80. But I still got 216 reps done in 40 minutes cap. So, I'm extremely proud of myself considering I only did 197 reps this time last year when I scaled everything...and was also pregnant but I'm still proud. 😄 And yes, working out fully hydrated is amazing. It gets so hot in my box here in Florida that I would feel like I was going to die, yesterday was awesome.
I love my Crossfit and will always keep going back. I've always been a bigger gal and I've done everything under the sun to stay fit, I even trained for and ran a half marathon once.😣 But crossfit and lifting is the only thing I enjoy and look forward to. Gotta do what you love.

Waking up sick on day four! So what am I to do? Not workout like I'd wanted, and treat myself to my homemade chicken broth, some local honey, and apple cider vinegar. **how hipster are you??**😂 But hey the grandma remedies work, I swear it!
Today's plan: let me dig through my passion planner here...we're going to go to my 7 year olds first fancy competitive soccer practice. Hear this place is amazing and exactly what he needs to grow his skills. I'm excited to see what it's like. Then washing the darn dog!!! I keep putting this off, and I can't any longer, she's such a pain to wash, but I'm being a bad mommy. The boy wants to go to the library for new books, and I need to go to Hobby Lobby.
Then meal prep and washing all my windows inside and out, probably have the boy vacuum the house, and that's about it. If I feel better by 5 or so, I'll throw my lifting back in. I think thats productive enough...
Oh, darn I hear the girl, she's happy, but being super loud...it's so stinking cute...DADADADADADA!!!!! Time to throw some coffee in the mix. 🍵

🌻🌻Happiness inspires productivity🌻🌻

I was so not productive yesterday, my sickness got worse and the baby and I ended up sleeping most of the day. Now, I think my husband has it too. Hitting it hard with some otcs and home remedies hoping to feel better tomorrow. I'll at least get the floors and the dog done today, vacuum out the car in the evening once it's not so darn hot. Tomorrow I'll finish meal prep.
The library didn't have the books I wanted on alcoholism, so I stood in that section just looking at all the others, and I just couldn't bring myself to pick one out. So I got Tina Feys Bossypants to read instead. I've heard it's hilarious. I'll look online for those other books and see if one of the other county libraries can send it to my house. Off to make some egg drop soup and coffee and try to get my day going.

Day five has come to an end. I put the girl to sleep and the boy is outside with hubs shooting fireworks. Today was actually a really good day, I was semi productive considering I felt like crap, I ate fairly healthfully and am about to snuggle in bed with my book (which is pretty hilarious, I've been laughing out loud quite a bit).
Typically on a holiday evening like this, I would be depressed that I wasn't out at a party. Hell, I wasn't even invited to one this year and it didn't bother me. Hubs and I got to talking about friends, and how as the world continues to grow, the amount of people we actually want to be around dwindles. Finding a genuine good friend is a tough thing to do these days, but I'd rather have a few good friends rather than a bunch of crappy ones.
Okay, today I am grateful for my family, I am grateful for them every day. Today, we worked just like it was a well written movie, the boy was only mildly moody and did his chores. The girl smiled, squealed, played and crawled farther than she has before. The hubs worked hard all day and loved on all of us, playing and laughing when he got home. We ate delicious ribs and then watched fireworks. Pretty perfect in my book.
🌻🌻"Every day may not be perfect, but there is purpose in every day."🌻🌻

Good morning day 6! Happy 4th, usually this day is my excuse to be drunk by 11, but not today totally putting it out of my mind. Plus, I'm still not feeling well, but thinking about going to a pool party for a few hours so the kids can have some fun. There shouldn't be drinking and I'm bringing my sparkly waters. So, today's plan is to blow my nose for about two hours...so gross. Then drink coffee and watch good morning america till about 930. Then we will get ready for the pool party. So I'm being lazy today, which is no different from any other day this weekend. Pretty sure the boy and hubs were up super late, looks like video games and the rest of my ice cream were involved. The boy is crashed on the couch, while the girl is screeching and smacking him...he's not moving. Lol. I'll start up some bacon soon to revive him. When we get home from the pool, I'll do the rest of the laundry, finish meal prep and head to bed. Hopefully, I'll be able to breathe better tonight, I'd like to go to the gym tomorrow. I've got one nostril free so that's progress.
🌻"If it requires pants or a bra, it's not happening today."🌻

Okay six days and one sober weekend under my belt. I had a lovely time at the pool, stuffed a sparkly water in my coozie and ate doritos in my bikini. I am really all about the body positive movement these days. 😂
I talked with my friends cousin who is working NA, and talked about parallels of all addiction and recovery no matter what your poison is. We talked about keeping life simple, because stress is what makes us want to self medicate, we talked about living in the present and enjoying life. It is very comforting to know there is someone in the real world and in my immediate life that understands. She has drank to excess with me many times, and agreed that it's a good thing that I stop drinking. It's nice to get a little verbal pat on the back, rather than, "i know you aren't drinking right now, but..." No, I'm seriously working on never drinking again. Geez, guys just chill out y'all can drink as much as you want, I don't care, this isn't about you, it's about me.
So, I'm sure I'll be screaming that perched atop my roof come the end of the month.

I have something my husband said ringing in my ears lately, as I soberly watched his drinking habits this weekend. He drank a bunch, a lot more than I ever recall him drinking, but I was always drinking more, and I never left much behind for him. Anyways, he said, "I don't really care if I'm an alcoholic or not, I like to drink." Okay, I get it, and I'm not here to judge his habits, and I also realize he didn't grow up with addicts like I did. They're a bit emotionally imbalanced, but not addicts. He doesn't realize that to me, knowing this about yourself is huge in my family, we are all addicts to a degree but really embracing it and trying to fix it is something no one has ever achieved.
For example, I have a cousin who has embraced her addict nature and she had no intention of fixing it. She grew up with my uncle and her mother who had no business being parents, my cousin was an accident and they never let her forget it. And she has followed their footsteps almost to the letter, and gets super defensive when you suggest there may be another option. She once drunkenly yelled at me about having a full time job and how I thought I was better than everyone else. She is at the highest spectrum of my cousins on this side and I'm considered the bottom. I don't really come around, I've moved far away and most of them won't ever meet my kids or husband. Since my dad and aunt passed, I really feel no obligation to any of them. I don't really want my kids being exposed to the types of things I saw growing up in an addiction based family. That's really why I'm here, family issues, daddy issues, and never wanting my kids to live that kind of life.
I remember when school taught me that people shouldn't drink and drive and I asked my dad to not drink till we got home, he was so visibily upset and explained to me that we would more likely die on the road if he didn't have a drink because he'd have a seizure instead. Which is totally true, if he deviated from his drinking plan at all and missed a drop, he go into a seizure break his dentures and glasses and I'd have to listen to my step mom complain about not having the money to fix any of it. Dad would just smile, hug her and tell her he really likes mashed potatoes and could use the corgi as a seeing eye dog. Dad was charming, dad was fun to be around, he was also a drunk and a deadbeat dad and everyone loved him for it. I don't really get why we love and romanticize drunks so much. Maybe it's because we think we can fix them, drunks are pitiful and it's easy to think that if you love them enough they will change. Truth is, untill us drunks love ourselves, no change will happen.
Well, that was a rant I did not intend on, the fingers just flew through those feelings.

Okay so beautiful moment was being with my kids at the pool. The girl was crying because...water..I have no clue and the boy comes around popping in and out of the water trying to make her giggle and just enjoy the day. 😚

I'm grateful for myself, to be able to identify and be willing to work on my flaws, instead of continuing to hide behind an empty addiction.

🌻🌻"Surrender to what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be."🌻🌻

Day 7, still feeling under the weather, so I'm letting myself lay in bed for a while. Today's plan: work work work. Then go to Crossfit, home for a little dinner, shower, then bed. Weeknights should get easier if I just stick to this template.

Thanks!
 

I enjoy reading your posts. It's like reading one of the books on the lists that give you hope and inspiration. I'm with you on day 7! You are doing fantastic! You are breaking the family cycle and your kids will benefit so much because of your change!

Thank you Betha!
 

That is such a sweet compliment. I have kept a written journal in the pat when I've tried to get sober, and for some reason this feels so much more theraputic. It's out herr for everyone to see and people can call me out as well as help if they see fit. Try it out!

Day 7 in the books. I didn't make it to crossfit tonight, the sickness has got me down. This afternoon about one, it's like someone flipped an off switch and I have felt drained ever since. Just got the girl to sleep, so I'm going to drink my tea, read a bit of my book and rack out for the night. I'm just beyond exhausted.

Okay today's beautiful moment: the boy was doing his soccer homework and it was so sweet to see him light up when he got the move he was practicing right. He was juggling the ball and did some really great ones with his non dominant foot and got so excited.

Today I'm grateful for a relatively stress free day. I felt like crap all day, and for the most part work was easy. Just routine Monday morning type stuff and no real fires to extinguish.

🌻I'm in no mood for a motivating quote at the moment....so, good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. 😪🌻

Awesome job on 1 week !!