Hurting
 

I'm hurting right now.

My alcoholism has brought me to a new low. I was doing okay for awhile but my disease came back stronger than ever.

I'm doing intensive psychotherapy to help with my other mental illnesses ( depression and anxiety) and I feel like I'm making progress.

But then I mess up and resort to drinking to numb my pain. My husband made up an embarrassing song about how I drink too much and hide it from peers. I felt so bad. So, I went and bought a bottle of wine.. Stupid, I know. But I just feel so awful.

My mother in law wants me to come have lunch with my niece and sister in laws, but I just feel so down and would rather ignore my feelings by drinking. My disease wants me to isolate.

I know this is wrong but I really want to numb myself instead by drinking and the only time I was able to stop myself at this point was when I came here first.

I really want to numb my pain right now but I think it's better to wait a minute.

Sorry you are hurting.

But life is full of hurts, and to recover we must learn how to deal with hurt in a healthy manner, not avoid it. Not escape it. Deal with it, which often means suffering the hurt.

But these hurts pale to the pain of your drinking. Hope you find a way to quit.

Yes, wait.. the urge will pass.

I know drinking made me feel even worse.

I think getting out, and being in a different environment will help you. Isolating isn't good for anyone, that's your AV talking.

I know, it's hard when you feel depressed to make the effort. I would force myself, and never regretted getting out of my own head for a while.

I'm sorry your husband resorted to shaming you, that's on him.

I'm glad you came here for support. :hug:

I don't blame my husband for shaming me as he does not understand mental illness, especially alcoholism.

I'm just tired of hurting and crying. Right now I feel there is no way I can go out in public without crying.

Though I need the change of scenery, I find myself crying uncontrollably at home and don't want to transfer that to a situation involving my in-laws.

Cry if you need to. I've had a massive crying session today. Anxiety needs a release and if a damn good cry does it then so be it............pm me any time. Together is the way for us xxx

newhope,

Just know that you are not alone, I am struggling through the same thing right now on Day 2. Had 7 days and was starting to feel a little better and threw it away due to the urges. Whatever we have to do the urges/cravings are what we have to fight early on. They will pass and get easier every time we don't give in. I agree that a change of scenery would be great, but I also understand the uncontrollable crying. I was like that today and had to go into work. It was awful. I don't know if that's much help, but just wanted you to know you are not alone. :grouphug:

When we drink at our feelings and emotions it keeps us from actually working through them. I too am sorry you feel low, but at some point you'll understand that wine doesn't solve problems. I see you joined in 2009 so you've been fighting this awhile. Maybe make this time the one that works for you.

Treat yourself to something good to eat. It always seems so much easier to curl away in a dark hole when I'm not feeling well but that is the worst thing for me. Getting out and seeing people and interacting help shake what I'm feeling. Maybe you would find it helpful? Drinking only made all of that worse. Especially the anxiety.

Hang in there. It will pass.

I turned down my MIL's invitation to lunch.. I feel horrible. I still have the wine that I need to pour out.

I don't think I'm capable of properly treating myself right now.

Stick with us x

((newhope01)) we're here for you :grouphug:

You know what will cause more hurting???

That wine.

Why don't you tell me why you decided to stop drinking and come to SR?? I would really like to hear about it?? It would actually help me keep my mind off of myself and my crap problems for a little while?! Lol. :)

Crying uncontrollably.. Still have wine to pour out.

Just absolutely terrified to do this bc I'm on the brink.

I keep saying I can drink tonight and start over tomorrow but we all know that's bs.

I came to SR because I don't want to drink but my AV is pushing it. My AV is pushing it so I don't have to feel so bad for the moment.

But that's all it is, a brief moment of numbness. I know it's wrong.

Don't think about it, just march to the sink and dump it down.

WIne contains the toxic chemical that's making you depressed and paralyzed. You may havemental illness, you may not, but you'll never know unless you get to experience your life without putting powerful depressants in your system...and there isn't an illness in the world that is cured by drinking.

Dump it. It's making you miserable.

Why don't you want to drink? (what made you decide you don't want to drink)?

I know the struggle...but you know in your heart what is right. Now is the moment say no more starting over. You know this first week is the absolute hardest, but you must fight through. You have to dump it.

I hope you make the decision to not drink.

Your husband should not be verbally abusing you as he is. As Opi said, that's on him.

Stay close to us here tonight and you can get through this.

I know that every time we make the decision to not drink we are retraining our brain to make healthier decisions. It's hard at first, after so long of making the "wrong choice" and choosing the easier softer way, but it takes time and re-training of your brain to get better and feel solid in your commitment to recovery.

I hope you make the right choice today.

I hope you poured the wine out newhope :)

D