Recovery Groups - Finding a Good Fit
 

Having recently resigned from a demanding career for which I was traveling extensively and then coming home to chaos and spending energy sorting all of THAT out - I now find that while I have been sober (33 days) I am also a virtual hermit (excluding trips to the grocery store).

In the short term it's not a bad plan I guess, but I am concerned about the isolation since I always loved using alone. I am actively looking for a new job, but have the good fortune to be selective.

I want to join a recovery group and meet with people face to face. When you first do this, is it necessary to just go online, find meetings and like "try them on" for the fit? You just show up alone and sit in a circle or something with other people? Ladies - those of you who attend recovery groups - did you feel safer initially going to women only groups? Quite frankly, the thought of feeling so vulnerable in a mixed group is really scary.

Thanks

I just posted this on another thread about Celebrate Recovery:

I credit CR for getting me through some of my darkest days. It varies a lot depending on how large the church and program are. There is a large service where there are songs, a testimony or a lesson. From there, small groups break out according to your issue. Men w/men, women w/women, according to what you are there for. I was there for support for codependency. There is usually a chemical dependency and a sort of etc. category as well.

Expect them to welcome you, and not to pressure you. Many have a meal you can go to, and a dessert after where you can gather and talk, etc.

I have found my biggest supporters at CR, it is a wonderful program. I encourage anyone who needs some help to reach out to CR.

Hi Hopeful - thanks for your kind response.

What kind of songs? Are they religious? Is this a church service?

Thanks again

I haven't used a recovery group as a tool, except of course, SR. I think you should give it a try and see what you think. Anything that helps your recovery is a good idea.

Have you looked at this link in our Stickys. It's full of great information:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

madgirl....There is a religious basis, yes. So if you have no faith base it may not be for you. It's not a church service, however, CR does use sponsoring churches to host their meetings.

Good luck finding a match for you!

There is a lot of choice when it comes to recovery meetings there is AA, Smart, SOS, Lifering, women for sobriety to name but a few

My advice is have a look and see what 'fits' for you

SR has online topic meetings also

Hi there, there are only AA groups in my town. I have gone to both women's only and mixed, and I preferred the women's group. Everyone is there for the same reason you are and most are very welcoming. I liked the women but AA's not my thing. I also have a weekly online support meeting with my rehab group, which is great. If you live in a large city, you should find a bunch of options. Just go and see what feels like a good fit.

I just 'showed up' at my first AA meeting without really knowing much and without knowing any alternatives (though in my area there arent many).

I had no idea what I was doing, I went to a daytime meeting in a rough area, but I was very warmly welcomed and the women came up to me and had a chat right away, which was nice. I've been to women's meetings too, I like them, we certainly share about different things. I don't hear too many women talk about intimacy or motherhood in general meetings, for instance. But I'm pretty comfortable in either type.
I'd probably recommend looking up the options, seeing what sounds right for you and then just giving a few options a try.

Having not gone to AA in years, I've been to two meetings this week. One was a women's group, and the other was a mixed speaker format meeting.
I learned a lot at both and I might hit one Friday too. My advice is to just GO!! Don't overthink it, not before you give it a try.

I lived in a fairly large city when first getting sober, and when researching it found SMART and AA as the only groups in the city. There were only a couple of SMART meetings a week, but lots of a AA meetings, so I knew I'd always be able to get to a meeting of I wanted to. That was my reason for trying AA first. Luckily for me, it was a good fit (Well, some of my the meetings are anyway, not every single one - there are a couple that I don't find helpful). Now I have moved to a neighbouring city where we only have one meeting each week, and I also travel to the next town for meetings, and sometimes go to the ones in my old city if I'm visiting at the weekend or in the holidays. I always know that there's a meeting I can access on holiday as well. So for me, the sheer number of AA meetings to choose from make a difference to me.

As far as which one to choose to try first. I'd go with, what's the next one you can get to. The only way to know is give it a try. You won't have to say anything at yiur first meeting if you don't want to. My first meeting found me in a room with about a dozen males, mostly retired or enemployed. I had little in common with any of them on the surface, but when they started talking I could listen for the similarities rather than the differences, and there sure were a LOT of similarities once alcohol was discussed!

I think women's only meetings are a very good place to start while you get used to the format and build up your comfort level. I've found co-ed groups that I like a lot, too. But I've never found a women's group where I didn't feel comfortable/safe, whereas that has happened (rarely, but significantly) at co-ed groups.

They do also have a different vibe to them. To broadly generalize: everyone struggles with vulnerability and expressing themselves in meetings. Men often struggle more, particularly depending on their generation and/or the ideas of masculinity they were raised with. As much as I sympathize, I selfishly feel like the emotional openness and fluency is often higher at women's meetings and so often the insights I get there are deeper than the ones I get at co-ed meetings. I do have co-ed meetings that I love! And I know this makes me sound like a terrible separatist and/or gender-biased monster! But I'm a straight lady who also works in a male-dominated industry; in some areas of my life I like the luxury of a female-driven communication style.