I need help
 

I'm at the point now where I think having a few (or more) beers is okay. It gets rid of the physical pain, anxiety, and thoughts. But it also comes with my husband being disappointed in me. Not only him but my family. Here I am, drinking, while he is still out earning a living. And I should be with him. It is our business ya know. And it's crazy to think I was feeling horrible today, with anxiety and like I was sick, until I drank a few beers. Now i feel fine. But I don't feel fine, otherwise I wouldn't be here.

This hits home with me so much. That's exactly how I've felt every day for a year. But it was only a few beers or a few glasses of wine, so it wasn't that bad, right? And now I'm here. Definitely thinking of you and try and stay strong.

Thanks. I was hoping today was day one. I know I can get sober, I've done it before. But the way I felt today, well made me think otherwise. But at some point I have to get thru these uncomfortable feelings and just do it.

Hi Jilian,

I can relate to the anxiety, mine has definitely lessened substantially since being sober. The first few days are hard, but then it starts to get easier each day.

You can do this!!!

I'm sorry to hear you were feeling so awful today. I don't want to reply by just telling you to stop, or to just put the beer down because I know first hand it's not that easy. But I can say that if you can just get through the first few days it does get easier, at least it did for me. I am on day seven and every day gets better.
Today is a rough one for me as I realized I'm going to be in a particularly tough situation next weekend but I'm going to fight tooth and nail to get through it. I understand what you mean about the pain and anxiety. Like yourself,and probably everyone here, I always felt better after I drank a few. I forgot my pain, my stress etc. At least I thought I did.
In seven days I have learned I was so wrong. I can't begin to tell you all the positive changes I've seen already. I've been more productive, I'm not as short tempered, I feel better physically, my mental clarity is better. All the things that I thought I needed alcohol to fix, are going away on there own because I'm not drinking.

You are stronger then this, you can do this!

Hi Jillian :)

re-read some of your old threads maybe? It will give you an excellent picture of where drinking really takes you.

It also sounds to me like you've fallen back on the staple of every heavy drinker - that it's those last drinks that do the damage...that's not true.

If you're like me, it's the first drink that starts the madness.

You may be able to halt the madness after a few for a while, but it's not a viable long term strategy.

The very fact that you feel anxious and sick until you drink is proof your addiction is progressing.

D

After about 4 days i would ache for booze. After 14 days and up to 27...i would drink until severely intoxicated. The recovery would take over a week.

When i made it past 27 days, i began to feel physically better. Mentally, i suffered for months.

Just now starting to feel normal most of the time.

Totally agree with D Jillian you can do this you have done it before :grouphug:

I would say my drinking evolved into alcoholism at the point where I needed to drink just to stop the misery and anxiety.i. I would wake up and feel depressed from the booze the night before. Two beers and everything was just fine. Soon I wanted to drink every chance I could because it made me artificially happy again. Very precarious warning signs that I ignored until I lost everything.

^^^Exactly!

I drank daily. I didn't realize the hold alcohol had on me until I tried to quit. I talked myself back into drinking a time or two, but I was determined to break the chains of alcohol. And I did. I don't have to drink to feel normal. I am normal. Sober.

Jillian,

I am at same stage as you, trying one day at a time and avoiding that first drink.. try to break the cycle..good luck and stay blessed

If it is stopping you from living your normal day to day life it's obviously a problem. I feel like this all the time. My partner never drinks and he works hard and I don't even work. Using and drinking makes me feel awful but I keep doing it. I find this site amazing. How do u feel about your drinking? Do u want to change?

It was at the point where I needed a drink to feel "fine" that I knew I was in deep. I hope you can pull yourself away from it, I am sure you will be thankful. Particularly if you have a business to run with your partner.

Thank you guys.

I know this isn't going to be easy. But I can't stand what I'm doing to myself anymore.

Dee, you are right. It is and has gotten progressively worse. And if I don't stop now, I'm going to end up in a bad place.

I can tell the depression is getting worse as well.

So I am going to get thru today without drinking no matter what. I need a plan.

I'm starting with a plan just for today so that I do not get myself overwhelmed.

- protein shake (done)
- see chiropractor for neck pain instead of drinking away the pain (appt made)
- take a walk to clear all these thoughts running thru my head
- cook dinner for my family
- go to the recovery meeting tonight
- check into SR
- make a plan for the rest of the week

In between this will be work and getting my truck fixed. I don't know what a good "plan" looks like, but that's it for today.

Thanks everyone for your support.

You could do worse than look at this link Jillian :)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html