Loneliness/loner
 

Hey all of SR

As i was relaxing this evening I just wondered how many people dealt with or struggled with their sobriety 'alone'?

I have always been a loner even though I am a very confident individual I have always to a certain extent enjoyed my own company. 90% of my sobriety has been dealt alone albeit a few friends and my family knowing.

My addiction spanned far and wide, affecting many lifes inc family and (ex) loved ones.

I was just curious how people bridged the gap (if you did)? Did you persevere alone with support, with family and support, flood the help gates and let people in or still trying to find your formula.

Maybe together we can help :tyou

I no longer see the addiction counselor and live alone (with my dogs and cats) and don't have much of a social life. I am pretty much going it alone, except for participating in SR. I'm doing great at over six years. :)

Ha my cats are my life apart from when they fight! lol

I think for me the lack of social life is a good thing as my whole previous "life" was built around getting drunk beforehand. Makes sense 'least'

I dealt with mine mostly alone. Only my brother and a close friend knew of my struggles. I lived alone, wasn't dating anyone at the time, and managed to quit on my own. No programs, or help. Well, my dog was a big source of solace for a time. Pets are wonderful for their unconditional love. They can show you, that you still have value.

Thats awesome, how do you maintain your ongoing sobriety?
:You_Rock_

I am all in favor of people helping people, but some people don't really help, even though they think they do, if that makes any sense.

Sometimes, the BEST thing for recovering addicts is to get away from all their old friends and even family who were part of their life in addiction; who somehow fed into the problem. Some people are well-meaning, but are still mean. Some people are self-righteous, but mean in trying to "correct" you.

Know yourself and what it is you need to be healthy and whole, that's my best advice...sometimes you need to be alone to really "know" yourself; know your LIMITS, know what really feeds you with "good food"; know what helps you grow in the right direction, know what HINDERS you from making good progress; know what's healthy and what's not; know what you need to really HEAL and what is just a "band-aide".

I wish I could answer that easily. I just do.

I think it's because the habit has been broken, and I don't want it to restart. I honestly don't think about alcohol much at all. Even when I go to bars, which I do with some frequency to watch bands and on motorcycle runs during the summer. I either order pop, or an energy drink.

I'm luck that most of the people I know or ride with, aren't pushy either. If I'm offered a drink and say no, no-one has ever tried to force one on me, or talk me into it.

The only way to stay sober...is to just decide to do it. Much like anything else in life I suppose.

Sorry, that was pretty much a non answer, but it's all I got :)

Great insight TeeTree and totally agree. It is your journey, and deep down I guess its all our journey. My comment wasnt to belittle or make things easier, moreso on how people dealt with theres and moved forward as some are more lucky than others etc.:c032:

I have used SR for recovery for years, but beyond that, it's just me. And, books too, and my cat. :)

Cate are King! I have 5 ;):You_Rock_

No that makes total sense, dont apologise. Its good that you have found that place in life where alcohol is a minority and i bet that is a refreshing

I did it alone, as my husband is still a daily drinker. I read everything regarding recovery that I could get my hands on. I was sober for over a year before I joined SR, but had "lurked" a few months prior to joining. Now it (SR) is a huge part of my ongoing recovery, and I am very thankful for it.

Alone here except for my boyfriend knowing, who I live with. Online company by way of SR, but not IRL. And I am taking a break from most people and the outside world right now.

Although as for the recovery I may attend a meditation based group here, possibly. Now I have some momentum going from sheer grit and SR friends, maybe I'll keep it rolling with a weekly group meditation.

@sleepie and @formerwinegirl is shows life, drink type and expactations,knows no bounds and thank you

Good luck Dean1978.

Like Anna SR was instrumental in my recovery & I had great support from Mrs Dee...but yeah if you mean structured programmes or whatnot, I pretty much relied on myself.

It worked for me :)

D

Completely alone except for tons of inspiration from SR.
My wife knew I drank too much and was very supportive when I decided to quit but even she doesn't know the extent of it. She would have been horrified to know what my drinking really looked like. I don't know that I'll ever feel the need to tell her. It would bring up so many years of deceit and sadness that I prefer to just pressing on soberly with her quite happy with the new me, minus the whole revelation.
Like my drinking, I'm keeping my sobriety private unless I change my thinking down the road. It's such a personal issue.
One view.
Thanks for posting.
Jonathan

I'm one of those who has been going it alone. I've been 115 days sober and although it's been hard, it's worth it. Only a few close friends and no family members know I have struggled with alcohol. When asked to go drinking or offered a drink or when people question my not drinking I just say "I'm not much of a drinker" anymore. I'm a very private person with things this personal. I've never been to an AA meeting or anything, but forums like this do offer me some support. Tonight I was feeling extremely lonesome, so I appreciate your post. I know I'm not the only one fighting alone.

Count me in as going it alone, except for my kids, dog and cat. I honestly think the kids help keep me sober. They would be so disappointed if I went back to drinking. My mom, dad and sister know, plus a few close friends. That's the way I want to keep it.

I live alone and when I got Sober a lot of drinking buddies went by the wayside, so there were months when I would go to work, come home, be alone and not talk to anyone about very much in real life.

SR bridged that gap, everyone knows who they are, those fellow SR members that became so important in my life very quickly!! :grouphug:

That's very simple , but so clear thanks it's great input.

'Just decide' I like that

I live alone, no partner, kids or pets. I've been open with family and friends about quitting but can't say I've shared all the gory details with any of them. I was honest with my doctor and that helped to solidify an early commitment to sobriety. I also have a counsellor I see about once a month on my doctor's recommendation.

That honesty and openness has been helpful but there's no-one in my life I share the ins and outs of sobriety with like I do here on SR. No-one really gets it like others with the same problem.

SR has been a lifesaver for me. I hang out mostly with my SR class, the December 2015s. They have kept my accountable and I love the camaraderie and friendship there. Joining an SR class is great - I truly recommend it. I am almost 4 months sober. SR has got me this far - I have no doubt in my mind about that.

I am very similar to Anna, reading, SR, and my husband, kids, dogs, cat and a very good sober buddy I text with daily!

I am going it alone, although I have a very loving and supporting husband who I can lean on and is a fantastic role model to me, not even he knows the extent of my addiction and how different I had become or what I have done whilst drinking. I feel as each day goes by on my sober journey (almost 150 days) I am becoming more and more introvert and less and less social, most of my friends I had have fallen to by the wayside because I feel I have nothing in common with them. Life is very simple these days, my evenings are spent reading or feeling cocooned by the important people in my life my husband and children.

I stopped drinking on my own with my friends and family and spent hours a day reading, posting, and connecting with people on here.

I did not say the word sobriety in the real world until I'd been sober about a year. I almost made a game out of it, like I was going to see how long until anybody really noticed.

Nobody really gave it that much thought when I stopped drinking. Alcohol is such a minor part of everyone's brain and thinking that when someone stops drinking, they're like, "Oh that's nice, so what movie do you want to see?"

To normies, alcohol is like an appetizer at a restaurant, not the meal. Alcohol is like candy to them. It's a treat. To me, it consumed my time when I was not at work and I was obsessed with it. I suppose it's like telling someone who never smoked that you quit smoking. They're like "Oh good for you! So where do you want to go to lunch?"

I used alcohol and drugs to feign sociability, but looking back, I don't even like most people. I just feel terminally different and am sick of adapting so they will accept me.

Thought I had a friend though. But the last couple of days I really needed her and she kept screening my calls, while I was always there for her. This wasn't the first time. Broke up with her in cold blood. Feel like a jerk and she doesn't see any wrong with her behaviour.

So I'd rather be alone for now. Well, alone, with my dogs, pony, cat, doves, bunnies... :)

I'm an introvert who lives with just my cat so yeah...thecat also makes it harder to reach out online because it's hard to type when he insists on being cuddled like a baby haha! So I lurk more than post but I do find SR helpful.
I do make an effort to do at least one social activity a week ( hula hoop class tonight!) But recovery wise it's just me reading and thinking. I've just signed up for a half marathon so training for that is good focus.

Beweare HALT
 

Besides Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and tiredness. Be .careful of Fear. Sit dopwn and take your inventory. If you want to to know how to take an inventory refer to page 29 of the NA basic text and please share inventory with one other person. Let me end with a line from the AA book "see to it that your relationship with him is right and greatr things will come to pass".

Evienne, your quote is so interesting. I find most people dull now, and feel I can not be bothered to waste my time with them. I also had a best mate who I have helped constantly with her own personal battles but looking back she never once asked me how I was or if I was ok. I never told her how bad things got, but thought as she was a close friend she would have noticed. How wrong I was. X

How do you join an SR class?