I don't know how long I can keep it going.
 

I know I dont post much.. I dont think I have in a month or so... but I need to get this out.

I'm 57 days sober, just past the 8 week mark, and Im still having a rough time. It has gotten WAY easier, but every now and then I'm fighting myself and it lasts all day, sometimes a couple days. I usually end up shutting myself in and stay in bed when it gets bad. I'm dealing with depression and anxiety with no medication or therapy, going through big life changes, and my AV has been screaming at me to go back to "self medicating"

I keep reading posts here on SR and every time I see someone hit a big milestone like 6 months or a year, or even seeing those who have many years under their belt, it just seems so unrealistic and hard to grasp. I'm starting to get apathetic about my sobriety and I often find myself on the edge of giving up. Ultimately I won't, but the whole process ends up making me feel miserable and sorry for myself.

Sorry for the pity party post. I've just been feeling really down about all this.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Hi Wicket

It seems like you're white knuckling sobriety...solo. That is very tough indeed. Please do stay around SR and post as much as possible We're all here to support you. Join an SR class like January 2016 and gain the close support there as well. Forget about folks posting their sobriety milestones as benchmarks. They are meant to inspire !

Be patient with yourself and be kind. I've learnt 3 important facts about the folks at SR including you. We are:

- rare and precious
- not alone
- worthy of loving kindness and compassion

Dont apologise. We've all been where you are. Stay with SR !

Firstly, congrats to 57 days sober, that is an amazing feat as I am newly sober. I really look up and to you. I know it gets hard from time to time but you can continue! Find your strength, even if its through us here at SR.

This reminds me of something I recently put in My Plan Book. Its a little reminder from when your emotions are getting the best of you.

"Remind yourself that your emotional state will get better soon if you stay sober."

I take that as in you may be feeling down and out now but you will feel much worse if you drink. Dont give up!

I can relate. I also deal with depression and anxiety in sobriety. However, I recently started a new medication and I see a therapist. I am slowly improving. I spent far too long just locked away in my apartment, waiting to heal. I needed professional help. I encourage you to reach out. It's hard to beat depression on your own.

Hi Wicket,

Congratulations on 8 weeks sober!! :) ♥

I understand that you may not want to take any medication for your depression, but do you think it might help to talk to your doctor?

I know that feeling of wanting to isolate and hide from the world.
I did that to protect myself for a long time, but ultimately it didn't work for me. I needed help from the outside.

I am a lot better now, and I notice that the longer I am sober, the less I am bothered by the anxiety that used to be a daily part of my life.

Hoping tomorrow is a better day for you, and sending you love. :hug:

Hi, Wicket. I'm also 57 days sober today.

Do you remember when a number like 57 would have seemed impossible? And here's you are. So much for "impossible." That's something to hold on to.

I do this too, and I'm just now really starting to fight it, so trust me when I don't say this in a "it's so easy!" tone, but: stopping this behavior is what you need to do.

I'm at almost 8 months now! But I still let depression get me, sometimes for days. And the thing I'm learning more and more is that my Depressive Voice is just as much of a ***** as my AV. What I think I want is what makes me more ill. It's really hard but every time I force myself to go do something active or engaged, it helps snap me out of it.

It's hard and on the whole I'm kind of exhausted. But then I remind myself that as a drunk I was beyond exhausted... I was so completely drained of energy or happiness etc. I can't go back there. Don't go back either! You are better being tired sober than beaten down drunk!

I white knuckled things for a month. Thought I was going insane by then, and really didn't know what to do with myself. That's when I decided to reach out and get some help. For me that meant AA, but there are lots of options out there. Have you looked into what's available locally for you? Why not share your sobriety plan so far with us - in my experience people on here always have some suggestions worth considering. They've sure pulled me out of the mire a few times :)

Congrats on two months sober! :scoregood I got to the same point in my early recovery. Just didn't feel right, like I wasn't really 'getting better'. I don't remember who suggested it, but someone suggested I start to practice gratitude every day. I started doing that and now it's a habit to be grateful for my blessings. It puts the focus on the positive instead of the negative. Try it! :)

Absolutely no need to apologise and it is not a pity party post, it is sharing and we all need to. That is what this place is for.

Well done on the 8 weeks, really great job. To me there is only one thing that I had/have to do to have a good day and that is not drink. Even if I didn't stick to any of my other intentions in that day or messed up everything I touched, if I didn't drink then it was a successful day.

What you are doing is not easy but gets easier and is worth it and you have to go easy on yourself while you are doing it. I just had to focus on the one thing (staying sober) and knew that everything else was a) improved by being sober and b) not as important as staying sober.

All the best.

these feelings will pass Wicket do you counter it by coming on here and posting ? do you play the tape ? and have you tried urgesurfing or looked at the cravings link ?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

There's links to those things I mentioned and links to excellent threads on SR aswell as resources to books things to do etc

Some great suggestions here Wicket - no one has to do this alone - that's what SR is for :)

D

Hi Wicket. I remember when getting one day sober was beyond my grasp. Congratulations on you 8 weeks. I think a lot of us deal with depression. I deal with mine with running and meditating. Others need medications and talk-therapy. I hope you find what works for you.

Don't lose hope, Wicket! I'm finding early sobriety difficult as well, so I can absolutely sympathize. Maybe this is a sign to change things up? I don't have a whole lot of sobriety under my belt, but I do find reaching out to be helpful, and there are many ways to do so (this post is a great start!) Thanks for posting. You're not alone!

Thank you all so much for your kind words and encouragement. I had tears in my eyes reading them all.

As for my plan.. well, I guess I need one. I really have been white knuckling this and my only plan is telling myself not to drink and to keep going. Not a big fan of the AA idea, but I need something. Need to look deeper into all the helpful info here. So I'll put that on my seemingly neverending to do list.

Just an update, today has been better that the last few, but I need to get all this under control before I make a mistake that could set me back for years.

Again, thank you all so very much for your support.

:)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Hi Wicket,

Don't give up yet! My second and third months were the hardest. When I feel self pity (which I hate) It always helps for me to do something for someone else or to check in with someone who may be having an issue. To "get out of myself" if you will. Never fails.

Hang in there buddy.

Hi Wicket,

Complacency has been my downfall in the past. Today is day 68 for me and I am part of the January 2016 class. It is a wonderful group, you should pop in and get to know everyone. We all stopped around the same time, so joining the January or February class might be a really great support.

A few weeks ago I made a post feeling quite the same as you.

I am not one of the people who seem to have found that life got better quickly after getting sober. Maybe no-one is like that, although reading posts here you can get that impression.

I think the positive atmosphere is awesome but don't forget that everyone struggles. Everyone.

Life is a project. I feel like some people abandon that project during their years in the bottle and find it easy to pick the project back up when they are sober. It's not so simple for others. But working on a better future is probably the best way to get ones mind off the bottle.

Hi Wicket,

Sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment, but a fantastic achievement to hit two months.

The thing with alcohol is that for some people their problems are caused by drinking, so stopping drinking turns their life around almost immediately. My life improved dramatically for the better when I quit 9 months ago, and I'm definitely happier sober.

For others, though, their drinking is more of a symptom of underlying issues. Self medicating as you put it. I firmly believe there's no problem drinking doesn't make worse, so getting sober will always be a positive move. It can help stop causing further damage. But it won't necessarily, on its own, solve everything for everyone.

So along with putting together a plan to help with your sobriety, and there are lots of options out there besides AA if you aren't comfortable with that (I used a combination of AVRT, these forums, and Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking) it might be an idea to explore additional ways to help with the anxiety and depression you're feeling as well. Maybe start with talking to your doctor for advice, but counselling might be really helpful for you. There are several different approaches, and many therapists offer free or reduced price initial sessions for you to get a sense of how they work and whether they might be able to help you.

The important thing, is that you don't need to go through this alone. If nothing else, SR is packed full of people who have been where you are now, and want nothing more than to help you get through these difficult times.