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-   -   Wanting to want it (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/385723-wanting-want.html)

Dharma23 02-25-2016 04:18 PM

Wanting to want it
 
not new to recovery by any means, but new to this website and new to getting sober "this" time around. been in and out of recovery and rehabs for 30 years now. last drink/drug was 6 days ago, which is the longest i've been sober in over 3 years. am still wanting to want to stay sober though, just going to meetings daily and reading the books so far, hoping that eventually i will want to stay sober. am stuck thinking that since it never worked the past 15? 18? times i've tried that it won't this time either, so why even bother. also the 'death threat' has never scared me, nor has the 'institutions threat', the only one that does worry me is the 'jail threat', but i am a stoic and know i could even handle that if i had to. anyway, i'm gonna just keep coming and hope eventually i DO want to stay clean/sober.

least 02-25-2016 04:30 PM

Welcome to the family. :) When I came here, I desperately wanted to be sober but couldn't stay that way.

I remember what our beloved CarolD used to say: you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. When I finally reached that point, I was able to stay sober. It's been over six years now and my life has never been better. :)

SoberLeigh 02-25-2016 04:31 PM

Welcome to SR, Dharma23; glad you found us.

I hope that you not only learn to WANT sobriety but to LOVE it, too.

Sobriety and recovery are two of the best choices I have ever made.

Again, welcome.

Ghostlight1 02-25-2016 05:15 PM

Hello and welcome to the forums.

In my case, institution. death and jail were just waiting for me after drinking alcoholically for thirty years.
How I avoided them, besides a few trips to the hospital, I have no idea.
never planned on seeing thirty. When I did, I had no idea what to do as far as drinking was concerned so I kept drinking.

Save yourself the misery, and believe me, it does and can get worse.
I tried to quit a hundred times. It took letting go and giving it over to my Higher Power.
I gave up. Alcohol won.
I hope you don't reach the lows I did, and congratulations on six days.

Dee74 02-25-2016 05:37 PM

SR was a real game changer for me - for the first time I had support and accountability. It made it much harder for me to rationalise I was 'ok'. when ever I thought about drinking again.

I know we can help you too - welcome Dharma :)

D

SoberLife90 02-25-2016 05:41 PM

Try something different. There is a reason why the last 15x have not worked. It would be pure insanity to try the same thing and expect a different result. Glad your here! Have you ever went to AA/NA meetings and worked the steps with a sponsor?

Anna 02-25-2016 05:52 PM

Welcome Dharma,

I hope that you decide you want to stop drinking. I wonder if you've made changes in your life to support your stopping drinking? I'm glad you've joined us.

DayTrader 02-25-2016 09:34 PM

Wanting to want to......but not really wanting to --

That was the best I could muster for a darn good chunk of my first year - 4 to 8 months maybe. During that time, I figured all "sobriety" had for me was no drinking....and probably no drinking related troubles. The rest of my life looked like it would be pretty boring, frustrating and probably not worth much.

Once I heard for about 1000x that there was a TON more available if I'd just surrender and join up........and once it hit me that possibly the worst thing that could happen to me would be that I'd never drink again but never really RECOVER...... that motivated me to start taking those extra actions, like actually becoming a member of AA rather than an observer, someone who worked the steps rather than just bs'd about them at meetings, someone who was willing to work for a brighter future rather than just wish it comes on it's own.

Nonsensical 02-26-2016 04:38 AM

I quit drinking repeatedly for decades. I thought that when I wanted to get sober - like really really wanted to get sober - the desire to drink would simply disappear. I would even buy my alcohol in one-day supplies - because tomorrow might be the day I wake up with no desire to drink. A lightening bolt would come in the middle of the night and miracle my butt sober.

It.
Doesn't.
Work.
Like.
That.

My brain was addicted to alcohol. The only way to kill that desire to drink was to starve it. It takes months, but it works.

While you're starving your addiction work on building a sober life. It is well worth it.

Congrats on 6 days! You can do this! :ring

FreeOwl 02-26-2016 04:58 AM

Wanting to want it is a good start.

What changed everything for me was CHOOSING to want it.

I began to take actions that would support that choosing, that wanting. And eventually, the wanting to want - and even the WANTING, transformed into CHOOSING.

Wanting something implies "someday"

CHOOSING TO HAVE something, implies NOW.

And when we re-focus from SOMEDAY to NOW - that's when things happen.

You can WANT to 'get in shape'.

But if you CHOOSE to get in shape, go to the gym and pick up weights and get on the treadmill - YOU ARE GETTING IN SHAPE.



It's the same with sobriety. We can want it until we are blue in the face - or dead from addiction. But until we CHOOSE and we ACT - wanting gets us absolutely noplace.

:grouphug:

Soberwolf 02-26-2016 05:05 AM

Welcome Dharma23

FlacoJ 02-26-2016 05:07 AM

My first day, hours here. Good job so far

PurpleKnight 02-26-2016 11:52 AM

Welcome to the Forum Dharma!! :wave:


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