Feel so bad
 

I am 2 days from 4 years without drinking.

I feel beaten today.
Utterly beaten.

I wish I could sleep for a year

What's up Sasha :hug:

((Sasha))

What's going on?

:hug: Sasha

Wishing you well Sasha x

:grouphug:

Please don't pick up Sasha. :hug:

Hugs. Stay strong!

Learning how to remain sober for
almost 4 yrs. is a huge personal
accomplishment and is something
to be extremely grateful for because
it isn't easy.

Now that you know how to stay sober,
you can start working on other life, healthy
issues that plaque many of us each day.

There are quite a few recovery programs
to follow and incorporate in all areas of
our life to help us build a strong recovery
foundation to live upon for yrs to come.

Everything in life is a learning process. We
learned how to avoid people, places and
things associated with alcohol so that we
are not tempted to fall back into our dreaded
illness, dis-ease.

Continue to learn all that you can to help
better yourself, to strengthen yourself,
to love yourself, more, to forgive more,
love, care, undserstand, communicate
and so on.

If health is a problem, getting a full check
up to make sure all your insides are working
well because as we get older, we go thru
many changes, mentally, emotionally,
physically, physcologically etc.

Not only do we age more, so does our
insides, so what use to work back in
the day, we may need to tweek some
things today. Our bodies may need a
certain vitamin which we could get in
the right foods we eat, but then if we
don't eat them, our bodies maybe lacking
that certain something to help us function
better.

Like a car, if we don't take it in for a
check up and put in new fuel or oil
then our car will operate sluggishly.

If we don't know what to do, we ask
for help from our fellow SR members,
our doctors, someone who is supportive
of your recovery and understands your
needs.

If sleep is a problem of concern, speak
to your doctor, always reminding him
or her about your continuing recovery
success and that it is extremely important
to you and your program to not be given
anything narcotic or habit forming.

Depression and anxiety along with alcoholism,
diabetics and many other illness out there is
nothing to mess around with or to take lightly.

We want to be happy, healthy, to feel good,
well rested, pain free from things, so never
hesitate to seek answers to the questions
that will further you along in your own
recovery journey. :)

I feel like I am going mad.
I am under pressure from work.
I don't think anyone understands.
I don't feel like anyone cares.
Today was hideous.
Thats how I know nobody cares.

I am a novelty to them.
I don't drink.
I don't smoke.
I don't swear.
They make fun and think the fact I don't swear, smoke or drink makes me a bore, a goody 2 shoes.
The reality - they don't know the damage I am capable of with a few vodka's inside me.
They don't know that I can drink harder and faster than any of them.
They don't know what a mess i am capable of making.

Everyone here cares Sasha... Sending big hugs your way. :grouphug:

Sasha, if your co-workers don't appreciate what a great person you are, it's their loss. If they are ridiculing you because of your choices to live a sober life, they are the fools. You are on the right road. Hold your head up high and know that you are okay.

Precisely what Anna said these people are fools I'm sorry Sasha x

Maybe a good read will help? This one of my favorites and it sounds like she might be a kindred spirit?

Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety, by Sacha Z. Scoblic

It's hard to be the only grown-up in the room...sending you a hug.

I'm sorry you have to work with such silly people, Sasha.

Do you have friends outside of work?

D

I will try reading.

I just don't understand why it is so strange that somebody does not want to drink.
What is the big deal? Really?

I don't understand people who have an agenda. People who would step over you to get ahead.

I am tired of it all.
Thats why I want to sleep forever and a day.

don't let them steal your peace. what they think of you does not matter.....when you leave for the day, you leave THEM behind. drinking will solve nothing.

^^^this^^^

You have the wisdom to know what to do. Don't let people rent space in your head.

I too delt with people who first were nice
and all that, they turned on me, someone
who would treat them the way I would want
to be treated. And yet they treated me cruely
just like you said, just to move ahead.

They would kiss ass just to move up in their
jobs. Run over anyone who got in their way,
be disrespectful, gossip, squealed, back stab,
...you know the routine.

I too got tired of it. Sick and tired of it.

I also stayed close with my program, prayed
and tried to let go of those unwanted
resentments that could and would cause
health issues.

In my case, I am grateful that I was able
to let go of the work force and retire in
my early 50's with my husband.

Im sure there are many good folks still
out there in the world, but many ive worked
with seem to be lacking something good
in their lives or upbringing.

Who know how many of thes folks are
under the influence of some sort of
toxic substances which make them
act differently from that of someone
clean and sober.

I use to be someone under the influence
of alcohol and I would be manipulative,
would lie, etc, and no one ever knew how
sick I really was inside because I hide it
so well behind the mask.

I prayed, I cried a many a times in sobriety
during my working career and all I knew was
the Man upstairs did hear my cries of despair
and in time He would take care of me. It was
that Faith and belief I have within me that I
know He would and could take care of me, guide
me in the direction I needed to go, in His time
and not mine.

So in some cases in my sobriety, I had to be
patient and turn my will and life over, placing
it into His hand for safe keeping, guidance,
protection.

Sure enough my time came and once again
I am grateful for my life in sobriety and Faith
in my Higher Power.

Wow, they are really, really threatened by you.

I've been in that kind of hyper-competitive workplace and it's really tough. Maybe it's time to look elsewhere?

Hold your head high, best you can.

:grouphug:

(((Sacha)) I don't know why in some people finding that point of difference can be used in a divisive way and, then, why, others will follow..
...but I do know it is on them and pooey to them.
It shows poor character on their part.
Remember you are brave and strong...hold you head high and be very proud of what you have achieved and what an inspiration you are to all of us.
Take extra care of yourself, do things that you love and nurture you.

NB.It is interesting to note why your sobriety seems so threatening to them!

:hug: Don't pay any attention to them. :hug:

My first reaction is that maybe they were just teasing and didn't realize how obnoxious it is. But it doesn't sound like it from your most recent post. I'm sorry about that Sasha. People can be jerks and it sounds like you work with some of them.

4 years, that's impressive.

some people are very immature and superficial.
Thats not a judgement call - it's a fact.

Generally I think those of us who've been 'through the fire' have embraced adulthood and we're generally deeper and more spiritual that that.

Thats why I asked if you had friends before Sasha. It's important to find people who understand you.

Apart from that, you sound depressed to me Sasha. Do you see a Dr or therapist for your depression?

D

I'm sorry you're feeling so low, Sasha. :hug: You know we love and care about you. I'm glad you wanted to talk about what's going on.

I love you all too.
Each and everyone of you.
Please never stop loving me.
I don't know what I would do without you all.

I don't know why you think that is even a possibility Sasha :)

D

((((Sasha)))), sending you love.

My co workers think alcohol is the answer to everything, even on of the guys who has serious medical problems and has been told not to drink!

Sounds to me you're ahead of the game!

Sasha, do not give into this nonsense. I know how frustrating it is. I was in a very similar situation years ago. I had just over a year of sobriety. I was working in a very fast paced, competitive office with a strong team. We would often go out after work and I would get constantly made fun of for not drinking. One day I had had enough and I said "you know what you jerks, I could drink every last one of you under the table" and then I proceeded to do so.
For what? For what? I threw away my sobriety for people I considered jerks. I threw away my sobriety as some childish act of competition. I threw away my sobriety to fit in, to fit in with people who obviously did't have my best interests at heart.

I know you are feeling frustrated and let down. I would suggest finding outlets outside of work. Are there any clubs you can join that meet immediately after work so you have no time to hang around for chit-chat? A book club, walking club? I know how hard it is, I really do, but you cannot let these people get to you. They are wearing down your armor and are absolutely not worth it.

Sending you hugs.

Sasha we'l never stop loving you x