Soberween,

Yup, that's what i'm worried about. Walking out of work on a Friday and being able to walk straight past the supermarket, instead of going in to buy wine ... Because my AV will be like, "You don't have a problem, you just have some stuff going on at the moment, I'll help you relax."

I have to say I am looking forward to waking up feeling great for more than a couple of days at a time.

Thank you, Delilah :)

Well done on reaching day 39, that's such a great achievement. I haven't been here long, but it's already been a great support, so many inspiring things and great advice from people who know what they're talking about.

I'll check out Dee's link about having a plan, cheers for the tip.

I can definitely identify with this. I have a tendency to lean towards miserable, I am only now trying to do something about it. I think hitting 30 has made me realise that I need to change things.

It's a vicious circle, isn't it? You feel miserable so you drink everyday and then that drinking makes you feel even worse.

Thanks, Kittycat

Luckily they were OK about it. I did upset one of them a lot (a couple of my colleagues I would class as friends) and I am still dealing with the consequences, but as you say, the main thing is not to repeat it ever again.

How are you going?

Welcome HF, you've found a great place. Sounds like you've already identified and faced up to a couple of really hard challenges that come early in this journey and that's great. You sound in a good place to do this. It's not easy and the road is long and winding, but it's so worth it. Everyone at SR is here to help. Best of luck.

Halcyonflux,

Welcome to SR. I have been in very similar shoes to yours many times before. You are far from the only person to feel the way you're feeling today.

Not long ago I too had a tremendously embarrassing incident that involved my friends and family. For absolutely no reason at all I left a gathering at my home with friends to go to a bar. I was drunk when I left, got far more drunk where I went and blacked out on the way home. Without getting into too much detail and friend of mine very nearly got a dui when the police stopped to check on us in a parking lot on our way home. It was all my fault and ridiculous. The next morning was one of, if not the lowest point in my life. I had all the raw emotions you are having now for a couple of days.

Like another poster wrote, use these emotions and turn the experience into a positive. Make this your rock bottom and get help now. It gets better, people forget and you move on faster than it feels right now. I'm 37 days sober now and am beginning to really feel amazing. As humiliated as I am about that experience and several others the positivity from them causing me to rethink drinking is all WAY worth it.

Don't be too hard on yourself but consider apologizing to your co-workers and learn from what happened. Hang around here there is a lot of support, help and great people.

I wish you nothing but the best.

I can relate as I also have been the drunken fool at an office party. I hit on co-workers wives and girlfriends. Cringe worthy behaviour that took me a long time to live down. I would never do such a thing when sober. The best we can do is forgive ourselves and let time heal and not drink.

Hi, Sansa. How are you?

Because I am a binge drinker and i havent been in a situation where I would normally drink, I don't think I've faced my first challenge yet.

I have had cravings, I am habitual - would come home from work, but a bottle of wine and drink it all over the course of the evening. I'm keeping busy, the gym is helping me a lot (I'm a runner).

I have a lot of negative thoughts about myself, about my actions and about my drinking. Not being able to dull them with alcohol is something I need to learn to do. This isn't going to be a quick process ...

The dreams have also started. I had them when I gave up smoking. It's like my subconscious is working through the loss of drink as a coping mechanism.

Hi Truelyme,

Thank you for sharing your story with me. The bit that really stood out was the 'absolutely no reason at all' comment. I know that feeling. "Kim, why did you think it was a good idea to drink so much that you became abusive, full on and just altogether a nightmare?" Yeah, there was no reason, the drink had control of me and I'm not strong enough to drink in moderation. It has me hooked.

Thank you for your positive words. That night was my rock bottom, as yours was for you, and I'm determined to use it to help me realise i can live a better life than that. Also well done on reaching 37 days, that's such an amazing thing. I hope to get there myself and talking to you and others on SR is helping immensely.

Wishing you all the best as well :)

Know that feeling, wastinglife. Forgiving myself for all the mistakes I have made is what I am finding very difficult. But as you say, time is a healer.

Thank you, Mav. Really appreciate your support :)

Yes, the office picnic very embarrassing. People do forget and respect that you have changed. Welcome Halcyonflux and welcome to the halcyon days of sobriety.

Ugh wastinglife, sorry. I have done things while drinking I would never do sober in a million years. It lowers inhibitions and can bring up all kinds of nasty behavior.

Good news is that you can rebuild. I know people who have acted foolish in public in the past and with enough time and good behavior, their actions have faded from memory. If you can stay sober you know it won't happen again and you can develop a reputation as a sober and well-behaved person.