Can you also be addicted to non-substances?
 

Hi - I am obviously not drinking and staying sober is my goal, that's why I'm here... 22 days straight, and 56 since I started trying... so I am clearing up my mind and becoming a sober person \I guess...
But I would like group advice please... it seems amongst all the drinking and work and family I have been burying emotional issues, no surprises, and some of you know how that worked out last time I got drunk...
However, I wonder if when you remove the substances you are addicted to, can you be addicted to emotions/needs/people/affection...

I cant seem to rid myself of inappropriate longing and misplaced affection for people. Logically I can argue it away, but I cant get rid of the feelings...

Is this another addiction? Does anyone know... coz I don't want it anymore. Its been years like this, with different focusses... and I though it was alcohol emotional rollercoaster. But its still here, every day I have an internal monologue over it, specifically the last person who entered my emotional orbit.

What can I do about it? Sorry if it seems self indulgent, stupid, narcissistic and crap. Ignore me if you think its pathetic , but if you have had this, and have an idea of how to proceed, then chip in, I'll be grateful....

I don't want to drink to make it all go away. It doesn't work even if the AV makes it seem appealing!

cheers , Enfin.

We all have addictive personalities, so it makes total sense to replace addiction with another. I am curious about "inappropriate longing or misplaced affection?" Why do you classify it as this? Is it possible that you were distant from others when you were drinking and are now trying to mend that? In my experience, the further you get from the last drink, the more "present" you become. For me, I am having emotions, experiences, and everything life throws at us without an alcohol induced fog. I believe many would call it mindfullness. I am striving for this and know it will be difficult, but I was just going through the motions of life for over a decade and don't want that anymore. I hope you find a good balance. Good luck.

enfin, yes I think it is common to obsess over someone who has entered our emotional orbit. I have to guard against obsessing over people, too.

It's all part of the spinning brain of obsessive people, in my opinion. Like C23 said, mindful thought is possible. I have to break obsessive thinking in a lot of areas - food, TV, SoberRecovery, people who have entered my orbit, worry, fear, you get the picture.

If it's that guy...that is really self-destructive. Maybe a little therapy would help. I found it was particularly bad in early sobriety. At about a year, my thoughts became much less anxious and more manageable. It takes some inner work and careful thinking.

Hey, you are not pathetic. When we used addictively we fall into lots of other behavioral patterns. I takes a while to un learn them or learn new ones. It could be seeking some help with these troubling behaviors might help. Wishing you the best. John

I copied this from another thread for you Enfin.

http://www.freewebs.com/wisdomofthee...ictiontree.jpg

Well, last time I was out drunk there was this young guy, who has laid it on a bit think before, but I was drunk enough to act on it, and once I give a teeny bit of my heart away I get feelings for that person which I can't get rid of... I have been married for 17 years so shouldn't be like that! Then, even though I haven't seen or heard from the guy I just can't stop thinking about him. I don't want to... there was some kind of connection even if it was while very drunk, and he looked at me in a certain way that no one has for ages.... I just don't want to be like this...
I thought when sober for a while it would all go away...
I have had these massive crushes on people before. .. they last for ages and I just want to clean my brain... that's why I started to wonder if it could be an addiction, but to feelings and emotions not a chemical???? Does that make sense? ???

It is really self destructive bim, I don't want it.... but it's like a cork, keeps bobbing up... and my brain just won't let go.... I just want calm and peace.
I do however feel better saying it out loud, like it's shrunk it down to the silly unobtainable, not even possible or actually want able obsessive thought. ...

It's been other people before. It's just when blokes are nice to me and appear to fancy me... I'm like an idiot, so grateful to them I end up making a bond which doesn't really exist. .. then spending hours and hours worrying, chewing it over and previously drinking a lot to help! Which it didn't of course!

I wonder if u can get rid of this kind of thing? ??

It's entirely possible to get addicted to things like sex, love, the internet, whatever.

Obviously you have a need for love, a need for affection and a need for danger that this fantasy is presenting you.

It is a fantasy...and IMO it's not a healthy one - following it up in any way could blow your world, your family, and your recovery apart.

Like Bim, I think maybe a little counselling/therapy might help enfin?

D

Would your husband agree to couples counselling with you? Maybe an MOT on your marriage would be a good place to start? Are you getting what you need from you husband in terms of feeling valued and desirable? Are you satisfied with your love life. I guess these are questions that need addressing which may explain why you are currently projecting on to other people.?

Hugs x

i think mental "obsessions have varying degrees....and some focus inward and others outward. but they all have a pattern of circular thinking.....no matter where our thoughts TAKE us they eventually bring us right back to the same spot. being overly focused on another person takes us out of OURSELVES....it's like being on an acid trip, you swear you can hear colors and see sound and everything around THEM has this mystical floaty aura. and when our brain is on that "trip" we aren't worried about bills, or our ingrown toenail, or that the kid needs braces, or that the roof leaks and we haven't had sex with our husband in two years............

while in order to get better we of course need to stop over thinking or obsessing over some OTHER, we must also get to the root of WHY we make such choices. and learn how to be calm and still within our selves.....learn to live within our own skin. and that takes time and WORK.

Yep.

You sure can!!

Im trying to focus my addictive traits on running, exercise, helping others and eating healthy.

This was posted recently about "What should I do when my temptation for alcohol or drugs is replaced by addictions to food, sex or gambling?"

http://www.soberrecovery.com/addicti...x-or-gambling/

You aren't alone with this. I'm so obsessive. I've had a crush on a friend for years and years now - was there when I was sober, drinking, doesn't matter. I can also fall into addictive patterns with working, running, junk food, etc.

It's probably easier for me to list things I don't have the potential to get addicted to!

I wish I knew how to fix it. I feel like drinking or not drinking is just scratching the surface.

Could be you have an unhealthy addictive attraction,
but also, what if you just aren't happy or feeling attractive and beloved
in your current relationship and it's gone on for years and years?
Is feeling desire for another or being desired unhealthy then, or a longing for health?

Sometimes the heart tells us what the head doesn't want to hear.
I'm not saying this young guy is anything real, but maybe he is symbolic
perhaps of feeling loved, or paid attention to?

I think there is unhealthy obsession, and also true feelings wanting to be expressed.
It's hard to know which one is going on at times.
I would never advocate extra-marital expression of such things,
but perhaps you need to explore these feelings in therapy?

Sometimes marriages run their course. People change.
Other times, you just obsess on other people to escape your own internal issues
and like Anvil said, you are escaping your own issues in fantasy.
Sometimes, the marriage can healed with hard work on both sides, sometimes not.
The first cause of external attraction (unfulfillment) deserves serious attention, and so does the second (obsessive escapism).

Those 2 causes sound about right... but my husband won't do therapy or counselling. ... he thinks I'm self pitying if I talk about it, that relationships shouldn't need work and that he knows what counsellors will say so there's no point.
I have to heal me and learn to live with the things I'm not happy with. .... I have to leave to be happy with unfullfillment and not have obsessive thoughts about men who have a sparkle in their eye when the smile at me.... I just can't quite kill off that part of me. Nor can I change my husband....

That makes him sound bad. .. he's not, he can be lovely... but he's quite stern at times with a great memory and no wavering or emotional arguing...... he's very dedicated to our kids and home and works very hard! It's me that has the issues.... mostly!

I think that you can absolutely be addicted to a person. My DH has been obsessing over a woman that he used to work with and is in therapy over it. I don't think that my drinking helped either.

Was trying to monitor how often I had the obsessive thoughts today, how often the alcohol AV spoke up and how may times my OH spoke to me in a way that made me unhappy (rightly or wrongly)... .. conclusion... I'm not very happy, it's a mess, and I want to drink. Great.

enfin, address the unhappiness, don't drink it away

That's what I dont know how to do. I don't know who's right who is wrong. I don't know how I feel... I just don't know.

Everything else in my life I am (or appear to be) strong, capable, successful (enough anyway) .. but at home I seem to be so unsatisfactory... I can't seem to work it out. I try and ditch the obsessive thoughts and give 10000% to home, only to screw up and do something annoying or wrong quite soon, then feel deflated and crap again.. .. no fake happiness in booze available either.... so back to the thoughts. I need rewiring in the brain!

Thanks for all your inputs. ... I appreciate having people to talk to and sound out my inner feelings!