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Fell off the wagon. Toughest night I've ever had. I just think I can't do it. Maybe I'm done. Maybe I'm out. I've battled things down to abandonment issues. Ptsd. Blah blah. Maybe it's just not in me.

Hi Vendetta

I think you have it in you :)

The thing is if you have other issues like PTSD, it's going to take a while.

You'll need to focus on both your PTSD and your alcoholism to be able to move forward.

I know you've been looking for a therapist. Don't give up on that.

Don't give up on staying sober either. Apart from being here, what else do you do to keep sober?

D

You CAN do this, vendetta.

I thought that I was a hopeless case but I was wrong.

What is your sober plan?

Hi Vendetta.

Sorry it's all feeling hopeless - maybe it's time to take some action. I'm sure you'll get some more response on this thread, but in the meantime, you could have a read through your other threads at the advice given before. Sometimes that helps me. (You can find them by clicking on your name next to one of your posts on this thread, and then click on 'Find all threads started by Vendetta'.)

Did you make it to a meeting in the end?

PS If you have abandonment issues, then if might be worth looking into CoDa as well as AA. I don't know where you are in the world or I'd have given you a link.

Let's flip this around. ... maybe you aren't done? Maybe you aren't out? Maybe it is in you? The "maybe/what if" game is a losing battle every time. You alone control all of those things. And the fact you came back here and posted has me convinced all of those maybe's you said, are actually better described in my version. You know you can do this. To quit quitting is not an option. You are and deserve better than this addiction!

Hi Vendetta,

Try to breathe through it. Distract your attention with TV or a book. Focus on something else if it feels better. Listen to your breathing. Dump the alcohol. Drink some water. Focus on the little things right now. Even jumping jacks while singing a Cyndi Lauper song. Change the track in your mind.

Get in touch with a f2f source of support? Keep posting here.

I agree with everyone. You can do this. :hug:

Vandetta Hi .
Im only a short time sober but have lots of life experience in lots of things good and bad including PTSD . Your much stronger than you think and as was said above you came here to say what's going on which is a great sign .

There's very sound advice from the above and I always take something away from all of this . Reading your old threads is a good idea and something I do here and on other forums .

Wishing you all the best

I dont know why I work this way. I've read psych articles like crazy. My dad was a drinker. In my drunk mind I keep it inside all the time. I don't wanna hurt people with it. But I'm starting to think I had to mature to fast to protect my mom. Then my brother past away. My sis worked with a girl that tried to leave her husband and he burnt the house down with her in it. When sis left her husband he called and threatened that all the time. Before the restraining order he would shine a flashlight in her eyes in the middle of the night and tell her if she didn't talk to him he would shine it in the kids eyes and wake thme up. I spent nights on the front porch locked and loaded to make her feel safe. He was a piece of ****. He would never even look me in the eye. But my problems are mine. I blame no one else.

I'm sorry for all the things you and your family have been through, Vendetta. It really is possible to move on from the past though, even some very tragic ones.

I think the time comes when you have to stop thinking about things and apply a course of action.

You can't get to where you want to be by swimming in circles....none of us can.

Why not try one small change to start and post here tomorrow when you haven't been drinking? :dunno:

D

Hi Vendetta I think you got it in you too you just got to want it more than the poison we've all been there your truly not alone

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tml?styleid=93

I tried on small change. Yesterday I went to a CVS and the grocery store.

V,

Stay sober today. Just for today. Can you do that?

Maybe spend today booking a therapist appointment, like an addiction therapist?

Go to an aa meeting. There's always someone with sober time and some wisdom at an aa meeting. Ivan go to a meeting and feel like 85% of it is silly, then someone inevitably says something that really resonates and helps me.

I'm sorry for all the really tough situations you have experienced. I have some PTSD too. Flashbacks are a b$&$. I learned recently though, that I'd rather be bombarded by flashbacks for a week sober than have a single one drunk.

Drunk makes everything worse. Everything.

You can do this v. You reached out because you want it. You can do it!

Come on V - you can do this. There isn't any instant gratification - you gotta eat the elephant one bite at a time. We are here on that journey with you.

How's it going Vendetta?

D

Good today. Had to really give myself a reality check this morning. It's easy for me feel guilty about last night and fall back again. But I told myself I lost a battle but I don't have time to beat myself up about it cause I have a war to win.

I'm trying hard to focus on the future and the result of complete sobriety. That's the only way to make better memorys. Thanks for all the words of encouragement it helped alot today to read them after working.

Glad you're feeling better. Use this time to build a plan.

Start with the easiest things to do, or to change and work up to the harder stuff.

This is a good link to help
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

D