Thank you for bringing this up. I sprayed my issues all over this forum and will continue to do so if another one arises. I didn't know I was in a deep as I was. Other people could probably see it, but I couldn't. I highly suggest getting professional help. For me it was enough to have connections with people on here that could understand and support me. It probably took a lot longer than it should of though.

seconded. I think sometimes people have the idea, or maybe some of us give them the idea, that people get sober and never have any kind of problems again...

I still have lots of problems - I just don't drink on them anymore :)

Let not forget to be welcoming and helpful here, guys :)

Dee
Moderator
SR

Hi Step12,

I have just read through some of your threads, including this one -- welcome to SR! :) This is a great place for both receiving and giving help for a variety of issues, alcoholism being only one. I personally used the forum for all kinds of things, it's a wonderful resource of information, support, compassion, advice, friendship, or just interesting discussion. I think what sometimes happens is that those of us who have accumulated a certain amount of sober time start to feel that we are supposed to have all of our cr@p together and be perfect, always ready to offer help and guidance -- in reality, I think this is simply not how life works. I actually like that you are not hesitant to express your opinions and point of view, it's better than bottling it up and turning all of the anger against the self. Of course most of us can do with a bit of adjustment regarding channeling our negative emotions in a balanced way, but I think many find that expressing frustration in constructive and safe ways can be a great source of energy and healing. We just need to find what methods work best for us in a particular era. For example, I do things like art work (for mental energies), exercise (to let it out in a physical way), and try to maintain a few very open and honest relationships with a lot of mutual awareness and communication so they can handle positive and negative emotions in a constructive way. The professional help others have suggested may also be good especially if you have a history of abuse.

Reading your posts, I was thinking, perhaps you might want to explore some new ways of dealing with your problems and maybe even new ways of helping others than what you are already familiar with, in addition to your usual tools?

I personally don't see anything wrong with your expressing a bit of heat here, most of us who have been here for a while have done it in one form or another. Frustration and conflicts are normal components of being human, often the best thing to do is to work them out rather than avoiding them. It's typically uncomfortable, but we can't have only pleasant feelings and events I believe.

I feel that you have an open enough mind for these things. Maybe read around for a while to see more of the amazing information and wisdom here and judge for yourself what's interesting/helpful for you and where you can contribute. I always think that the most helpful contributors are those who do not only provide feedback and support, but also reveal a lot about themselves and their issues.

When I wake up in the morning I'm a newcomer. When I hop in bed for the night I'm an ol' timer. I might have a couple years of sobriety but that don't mean jack **** if I grab a beer or a bong! We gotta use all the tools we may need even down the road. Keep posting and keep working on yourself and your sobriety, and when the time is right you'll find a sponsee or someone who needs your help.

Should I ignore Juno or leave?

I don't think read my other posts I think he just read the thread so I start

Alanon slogan that has saved me a tremendous amount of trouble;

Is your response Thoughtful, Helpful, insightful, Necessary, Kind?

If no on any of those then maybe don't respond.

Step12, it's terrific that you have 10 years of sobriety. That is a huge positive for your life. It's obvious what approach worked for you to get there, and I'm thrilled for you that it worked.

But as you have 10 years sober, and you are saying on here that you continue to have issues that you're struggling with, I'm wondering if perhaps they are not alcohol related? That whatever benefits the AA approach brings, or indeed any approach to quitting alcohol, they might not provide all the answers to the issues in your life? It feels, and I could be wrong about this, that you're hoping that by successfully going through the 12 steps, in particular the last step which you feel stuck on, that will help resolve your personal issues. But perhaps that isn't where the answer lies?

There are many different forms of counselling, and millions of people seek help every year who've never had addiction issues. Instead of possibly pinning all the blame on alcohol (and again, apologies if that's not what you're doing), and only seeking solutions related to that, it might be worth looking into non-addiction based counselling in your area as well?

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the very best and hope you will find inner peace and happiness.

I thought I'd addressed this sufficiently before, but I'll try again.....

If you have a problem with another poster or post, please use the report post button http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ons/report.gif on the post you think breaks our rules.

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Calling other posters out publicly is not helpful and just promotes more ill-feeling....

Like I said before - this is Newcomers Forum - it may be someones first experience of SR.

Lets not forget to be welcoming and helpful here.

thanks for your understanding :)

Dee
Moderator
SR

I'm really sorry for my posts - I was sadly drinking last night and wasn't making any sense. I hit a low point and I truly apologize for my behavior.

I was wondering juno....maybe PM S12 and make it personal? She may appreciate it or not but your attacks were aimed at her for the most part. Sorry you're going through this. Hope to see you posting sober soon. I know that's not the Real You.

If you been sober a while doesn't mean you don't have a newcomer problems. I kind a liked the submission I've been told that I am not perfect and I'm pushy and I'll kinds of other things for the way I started out here therefore I'm humbling myself. Main reason why I picked this form is because it made me realized I have a newcomer problems. I've gotten a lot of good advice on this including busting up my ego. A couple of you don't like me on here I apologize don't worry about what I say but you might relate to some ofThe good responses I've gotten.

Lets alll move on, or take it to PM folks.

Dee
Moderator
SR

It's OK Juno you're actually helping me. I need to learn how to deal with anger and rejection here so I don't have to deal with it out there. I'm not saying that attacking anyone is right but I am saying it does happen in the real world so the way I behave here will help me.

OK so having verbally abusive parents and neglectful parents who are also alcoholics are hard to forgive. I keep telling myself I have but apparently I have not it's so ingrained in the way I behave. I know I have to be happy joyous and free. It's good to feel support

something ive come to believe is this forum is quite like an aa meeting. people bring up a problem and others share on it. i dont like all the things people say here just as at an aa meeting.
and not everyone likes what i have to say,too.

step, im really thinkin youll get a lot of excellent advise here to help get through/overcome the problems youre experiencing. it reads to me like ya truly want solutions
i would type some on my dealings with mental and verbal abuse and forgiveness, but i have a lil guy(2 year old great nephew) wakin up and hes ready to rock n roll.
god willing i will remeber later to share,but im certain others will share how they accomplished it.

I'm so sorry that you suffered at the hands of those who were supposed to take care of you most, Step. In spite of it, you have achieved many tears of sobriety, which is fantastic! It seems that some therapy to work out the negative effects your parents' neglect and abuse has had on you might be in order. But no matter what you decide to do, you have our support. Wishing you well,

Delfin

S12, thanks for sticking around and being honest. I'm a devout atheist but I do love the st. francis prayer. It asks me to Be that which I find lacking in others. It works. Eventually That which I saw is chimera and I just see another struggling human....much like me. You have plenty to offer in the way of support for others. Sometimes all someone needs is understanding and a smile. I send this smile over to you:) ( I stole that from a smashing pumpkins song but I meant it)

Abuse is unacceptable. Period.

Verbal, physical, emotional abuse HURTS.

So many of us here have experience some
sort of abuse in the past and present and
so many of us have turned to drugs or
alcohol to numb or forget those horrible
experiences at the hand of another sick
individuals and even ourselves.

Today I am learning to stand strong and
rise above those that have hurt me in the
past. Today I choose not to remain a victim
but rather become a survivor. A strong, secure,
positive, healthy, sober or clean survivor in
my life.

I try to not allow those that hurt me to
rent free in my mind, heart and soul by
incorporating a healthy, effective program
of recovery in all my affairs and actions.

It's time for me to stop blaming those
very persons, parents, classmates, friends,
sick individuals for hurting me in the past
that has kept me from growing strong,
healthy, happy and free myself.

I have gone from being sick myself
in addiction to getting the gift of recovery
taught to me over the past 25 yrs to
accept those folks in the past that hurt
me just the way they are and believe that
they cant and wont hurt me any longer
by incorporating a healthy more affect
program of recovery to live by and
incorporate in my mind, body, soul and
life.

We are survivors.

We have to learn to forgive those that
hurt us. No we wont forget, but we don't
have to continue to allow their actions
on us to keep us hostage in our own
addiction and sickness.

Forgive them for they no not what they
did or do are words I remind myself often
to help me move forward in my own life.

Ive done many things in my life, when
I was sick in my addiction, but I choose
not to practice them any longer. They
are not healthy.

I look upon my Faith I was brought
up upon and strengthened in my own
recovery program for guidance, forgiveness,
for the hurt inflicted on me by the hands
of other sick folks.

I continue to place those people, family
members, family, friends, even myself
into the Hands of my HP - Higher Power,
God of my own understanding to soften
my heart, mind and soul and allow Him
to take care of them because I know I
cant.

Today, for me, I have distance myself
from those that hurt me because I cant
allow them to interfere with my own
recovery. My own peace of mind. My
own progress in life and recovery.

There is no place for them to live
rent free in my heart, mind, soul
and recovery life.

I think everything that I do is alcohol related this is my personal opinion I like what people say about even there you've been sober forever you don't have problems not drinking is not the answer talking to other alcoholics is as long as you listen just this one thread I went from angry to self searching all that's important is that things appear to be working for me. I really like it here I need to be told certain things if people tell me I'm perfect then I'll think it's OK to drink but I have a lot of issues and everyone that is said just because you're sober doesn't mean that you don't have issues is dead on the money this is for newcomers you have to stay on top of that and you have to keep reaching out because you never graduate from this we have to stick together sometimes reading post about people that are having problems reminds me where I came from and lets me know that I did or still do have a solution I just have to rethink about what I did it's kind like being a tutor in math you don't realize what you remember it's hard for me to humble myself and to say these things but then again I don't have a choice it has to come out somewhere and I'd rather it come out here where we can all benefit from our struggles and me take it out of my boyfriend I mean fiancé