Looking back on my life, I can see that a lot of my drinking was 'just' self medicating.

But that didn't stop it from getting worse and worse and worse

I was the same way until I realized that when I felt unsafe at those meetings, it was due to the fact that recovery was going to mess with my drinking....therefore, I was unsafe. Alcohol was my security blanket, my solution and until I was willing to let the alcohol go completely, I was stuck. It took me several more years to become willing enough to work with another person to find a new solution.

Sometimes we need medication to help us, but taking something while still drinking may not work so well. Not drinking, taking medication as prescribed, then finding a method to help me stay stopped, well, that is one way to get through early sobriety!

Yes, therapy is definitely an option and I have already researched and found a therapist that I am going to call tomorrow morning. And you're right, if I keep self-medicating it will get worse for sure. I can already see that happening which is why I really want to stop drinking completely & learn to handle my panic & anxiety in a healthy way. Thanks Owl.

Drinking is the equivalent of sitting on the couch doing nothing. Do you think you could go from triathlon to couch potato in a day? No way, you have to work out and get stronger. The same is true for your mental health. You can't just sit back and use drugs and alcohol to take care of your problems, the ONLY way to get better is to work with your problems. It might seem difficult, but every time you do it, EVERY time, you are getting a little bit stronger. It's like your brain is hitting the weight room.

For me, I found motivation to be fleeting and unreliable. At the end of the day, you just have to say no and not pick up. You are not powerless, you do not have a disease, the choice is ALWAYS yours. Go to therapy, learn about yourself and why you have panic attacks and anxiety issues in the first place. There is a cause, and it is entirely within your reach to discover it and work to resolve it. I recently got a book that called feeling good: the new mood therapy, you could read that and give it a try. Also investigate and watch videos by Adyashanti, Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Mooji Ralph Smart (Infinite waters) and Don Miguel Ruiz. All of the above mentioned people have really helpful insights into the nature of life and human experience. These are the kinds of things you should be thinking about right now.

Yup. Self medicating everything. That's the point of the steps right? Uncover that stuff, fiddled around with it and let it go....I mean, that's very top level :) However it gets done, digging down to the causes of drinking to the point of destroying one's life needs to get done. Just don't stay there...move on.

I have known only 2 people in 12 years that said they became alcoholics for no other reason than they like to drink, um, a lot. My brain still can't wrap itself around the concept of being a 'perfectly happy and adjusted' person and becoming an alcoholic. But I know it happens...just don't get it. I think the bulk of addicts are dealing with something emotional/psychological/spiritual/physical. Or all of those things....

In some cases, such as social situations where I may not know people, it has helped quite a bit. In other situations, not so much, mainly because it is hard to do the exposure (like the plane example I gave). But overall, my LDT has gone down across the board and life is better.

KP