Day 221.

By this time I thought things would get easier but Im seeing myself battling this addiction. I went through Memorial Day weekend around alcohol every were I went and the temp toon were strong. I managed to get by by drinking juice and smoking cigarettes.

My cigarette smoking has gotten to a pack a day. I'm smoking almost every 15 minute. You are talking about a guy that goes to the gym six times a week and does a gruesome workout and then craves to smoke.

I also lost my grandmother and went through a very emotional state. It's crazy how hard it is to loose somebody you love. She's gone and all I have is memories and a chain she gave me before she departed.

I meet a wonderful girl last month in a bar. She's professional has two kids and a lot going on in her life including many accomplishments. She's is 39 and I am 30. Talking to her made me realize that for the past 10 years I made very little progress in life. Earlier this year I started to get my act together and this is all due to sobriety. I tend to be hard on myself and not give myself enough credit and I just want to be successful.

I don't want to sit and wait. All my life I've been waiting for that right time and that time never comes, but I don't know if it's good to start dating now when I'm in the process of starting a business and also going through the mix emotions of sobriety and losing a love one.

I also need to quit smoking. It's hurting my health and I feel fatigued.

Enough of the rant. Time to get back to work

Hey Ghost

Hang in there. Keep off the booze and deal with the smokes later.

Day 223.

I'm finally getting back In the loop of after my grandmother death. It's been a month and I'm still not over it. I told the lady I was seeing that I need some time off to find myself. I lost a person I love and still early in my recovery and I'm also working on a business to have a better future. I'm under a lot of pressure and the only way I've been able to get through all this is to maintain busy.