IH's Accountability
 

I've decided to make a new thread for a new attempt at this journey. I'm on day 1 again, but have been doing a lot of soul searching today. I'm very depressed, but if I keep drinking, I'll lose everything good in my life and then I'll be really depressed.

Right now I need to focus on 24 hours at a time. I need to make the promise to myself daily to not drink. I need to read the Big Book daily and work the steps. I need to keep going to AA meetings. I need to spend time regularly on SR because it really does help.

Thank you all in advance for your wonderful encouragement.

An accountability thread is a good idea. I also suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of September 2015 thread here on this same forum. It's a good way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery. Plus it's another great way to build those accountability muscles.

EDIT: And now I see you've already joined the Class thread. Good job! Wishing you the best and I look forward to seeing this thread grow...

Congrats IH have you thought about a sobriety plan ?

I drank for 40 years. When I knew I had to stop (actually when the consequences, and my state of mind, and the state of my wife & family, got so BAD) ... I struggled for a long time ... stopping, drinking, quitting with or without a solemn oath, drinking again ...

I tried may ways to stop ... and kept drinking. The ONLY thing that finally worked for me was going on Anabuse, AND WORKING the 12 STEPS of AA.

I am now 2 years SOBER, Happy, Joyous and FREE. And I KNOW U can B 2.

RDBplus3

You can do this InsaneHeart, it all starts with a Day 1 and go from there!! :)

I just downloaded an AA Audio speaker app. Looking forward to listening to some of these. I think they will help a ton.

Becoming sober while clinically depressed
 

I am on citalopram and bupropion for my anxiety/depression with lorazepam when I feel a panic attack coming on.

Why does drinking seem to work so much better for me?? Logically, I know that is AV talking, but good grief...I hate feeling like this.:headbange

I doubt the drinking really works "that much better" or else you wouldn't be on a sobriety/recovery message board asking for help. It's easy to romanticize the effects of our drinking when we're not active in our addiction.

Lots of depression in my family. Grateful that it seemed to skip me. Wishing you the best, you're in my thoughts and prayers...

I was taking Xanax for anxiety when I was drinking, I used to have such bad attacks so often. I never thought it would go away and drinking always worked for the immediate time, of course once I sobered up the anxiety always got worse.

I am just starting to comprehend how much I missed going on around me due to constantly self medicating. It has been 8 months now and the anxiety is all but a memory, I still get my moments but nothing like I used too. Stay strong and you can enjoy life for what it is and stop drinking it away.

Oh I haven't needed a Xanax in over 6 months.

I know that if I get sober, my mind will start clearing and I can think like a sober person.

It's just so fresh. Luckily local ordinance says no alcohol sales after 9pm, so I'm not in danger of going out to get any.

It was hard for me to not go out and get some while I was attempting to quit, only people like us know just how that voice calls to us and it really is brutal.

Stay strong and stay sober, I can promise you everything get so much better.

Thank you both, your kind words and encouragement really do help. I'm reading Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions right now and calming down.

Horrible sleep, even with the melatonin I was tossing and turning all night. Woke up about 5 times. It was a sober sleep though.

Hi IH
I know its hard but the sleep issue is universal for the first couple of weeks. Most people resolve sooner than that but I think interupting it with drinking just sends you back to 'go' so to speak.

In another post you mentioned the meds you're taking. Please be careful with the benzos (lorazepam) and drinking. This is a drug that can be used for detox and they do so because it basically acts on the brain in the same way alcohol does. In other words, it will increase the effects of drinking if taken at the same time...which can be dangerous. It is also very habit forming. Really its alcohol in pill form. I'm surprised your doc would prescribe unless they don't know your history with alcohol. I have PTSD and GAD and couldn't get a prescription for that unless under medical supervision.

Hang in there.

Thanks Frickaflip.

I don't take the lorazepam when drinking...my script is actually empty right now. Surprisingly enough, I've never abused it. I only take it very rarely.

Good morning, InsaneHeart. I'm sorry it was a bad sleep - I remember those so well. I honestly wish I'd kept a journal so I could remind myself of why I must never tempt fate again. It's hard work to get through these days, but they do end! Once you're through it, you need never return to this misery.

There'll come a day when you'll wake up refreshed - and so grateful to be free. We know you can do it, IH. :)

Good morning, insane heart! Sending you strength and peaceful thoughts. I hope that you have a great sober day. Maybe see you on the September thread later today?

Most likely Matilda :) I'm feeling good. Already got some work done around the house. Dinner out with hubby and daughter tonight and hopefully early to bed.

Excellent! Sounds like a great day. Heading out with the pups right now for a nice walk around the block and maybe a latte :)

Talk to you later!

You're definitely heading in the right direction IH :)

D